What It’s Really Like Being a Recovering People Pleaser
I am a recovering people pleaser.
(Is that ok?)
I’m a recovering people pleaser, and let me tell you—it’s a weird, messy, uncomfortable ride. But also? It’s freeing as hell. For as long as I can remember, my brain was wired for the people pleaser mindset.
Say yes when you mean no. Laugh when you’re uncomfortable. Be available, agreeable, easy-going. Never rock the boat. Never upset anyone. Sound familiar?
If you’ve lived life constantly trying to keep the peace, keep everyone happy, or keep yourself small just to “fit in,” you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.
And maybe, just maybe, you’re also trying to figure out how to stop people pleasing, just like I am.
Here’s the truth: being a people pleaser doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. Most of us learned it early—maybe from family, maybe from school, maybe from those moments when standing up for yourself backfired.
So, we adapted. We kept quiet. We said yes. We smiled through discomfort. We made ourselves easy to love… or at least, we tried.
But somewhere along the way, I realized all that pleasing? It came at a cost. My time. My energy. My boundaries. My self-respect.
And honestly? I hit a point where I couldn’t keep doing it. That’s when the journey of being a recovering people pleaser began.
The hardest part of unlearning the people pleaser mindset is the guilt. Saying no feels selfish. Speaking up feels rude. Protecting your energy feels wrong. But let me remind you: it’s not wrong to have boundaries.
It’s not selfish to put yourself first. It’s not mean to stop being a people pleaser when it’s draining the life out of you.
The world will not fall apart if you say no to that party, decline that favor, or simply take a step back from people who expect constant yeses.
The only thing that falls apart is the unhealthy version of you that believed your worth was measured by how much you could give, fix, or sacrifice.
Learning how to stop people pleasing isn’t some overnight glow-up. It’s a slow, awkward process filled with self-doubt and second-guessing. But it’s also filled with growth.
Related: The Art Of Saying No: 30+ Quotes About Being A People Pleaser
The first time you say no without over-explaining? Feels terrifying. The first time you hold a boundary? Feels uncomfortable. But eventually, it starts to feel like freedom.
I’ve learned that real relationships—the ones worth keeping—don’t require you to shrink yourself. They don’t fall apart because you have an opinion or because you decided to stop being a people pleaser for once.
In fact, they often get stronger when you show up as your full, honest, imperfect self.
If you’re also a recovering people pleaser, I want you to know: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. You’re just learning that your peace matters. That your “no” is valid.
That your energy isn’t up for grabs. And honestly? That’s brave.
Breaking out of the people pleaser mindset means accepting that not everyone will like you—and being okay with that. It means reminding yourself daily that your worth isn’t tied to how useful, agreeable, or convenient you are for others.
It means practicing how to stop people pleasing even when it feels uncomfortable.
It won’t always be easy. You’ll mess up. You’ll catch yourself slipping into old habits. But every time you say no, every time you stand up for yourself, every time you choose peace over pleasing—it’s a win.
So here’s your gentle reminder: it’s okay to disappoint people. It’s okay to protect your energy. It’s okay to stop being a people pleaser.
You’re allowed to take up space, set boundaries, and prioritize yourself. It doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you free.
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