How To Seduce The Zodiac Signs

ARIES: Confess your crush out of the blue

TAURUS: Casually mention that you think of yourself as “dramaphobic”

GEMINI: Ask them their thoughts on something and respond with “Wow, you’re so insightful”

CANCER: Exchange childhood photos

LEO: Ask them to open up about their most recent heartbreak, then tell them you’ve “never been able to talk like this with anyone”

VIRGO: Follow MLA formatting guidelines

LIBRA: Ask them what their love language is. Say yours is “poetry”

SCORPIO: Master the art of intuiting when you’re supposed to respond to their text and when you’re supposed to ignore it

SAGITTARIUS: Figure out their favorite writer and call their work “pseudo-intellectual bullshit”

CAPRICORN: Search “Love” on JSTOR, open a random essay, and send them a screenshot of the second paragraph

AQUARIUS: Ghost for a month. If they ask why, say you “don’t really believe in cell phones”

PISCES: Every individual message should have the emotional resonance of a soliloquy from a Shakespeare tragedy