How To One-up A Zodiac Sign

ARIES: Go home with their new crush before they can

TAURUS: Give them a colder shoulder than the one they’re giving you

GEMINI: Be the most interesting person in the room

CANCER: Don’t ask them why they’re giving you the silent treatment

LEO: Make a later, more dramatic entrance than theirs

VIRGO: Arrive 15 minutes early when you know they always arrive 10 minutes early

LIBRA: Bail on the plans you made together before they can

SCORPIO: Don’t make the move they anticipated you making

SAGITTARIUS: Dominate the conversation every time they pause for a breath

CAPRICORN: Put them in their place when they try to be condescending

AQUARIUS: Make up the name of a post-structuralist philosopher, and they’ll have to admit they’ve never heard of them

PISCES: Be a better listener, so they have to talk about themselves