There’s this thing called the “INFJ Door Slam.” People talk about it. Other personality types trash it, but few people try to explain it in simple terms. It’s different for everyone, no doubt, but in simple terms…
The INFJ door slam is what happens when we are burned out by unresolved emotions, so we resolve the issue by deciding that the relationship is over.
INFJs are deeply emotional creatures. We don’t feel as much as it looks like we do (that’s mirroring, which is a whole other topic), but when we feel…we feel deeply and fully. That means that we burn out. If we are emotionally toyed with, abused, or overloaded, and there is no end to the emotional assault in sight, we have to do something. Unlike some other types, we cannot simply live with or ignore that emotional onslaught. We crave resolution. If we cannot get it – whether it is denied or the situation is just ignored – we resolve it ourselves. Frequently, we resolve it by ending the emotional ties that overloaded us in the first place. The INFJ door slam is not some abusive act of anger. It is not an act of revenge. It is an act of self preservation, and once those emotional ties are severed, it is almost impossible to re-attach them.
If your INFJ is angry or crying, things can be repaired. If they’re cool-ly friendly and ambivalent…you may have a door slam problem.
While I love to help others, I am not responsible for fixing your life or catering to your toxicity. I am not responsible for managing your triggers, walking on eggshells or telling you what you want to hear in order to keep the peace. I am not your emotional punching bag nor am I your emotional sponge. I do not exist for your pleasure or as a site for your projected pain. My responsibility is to myself - to be my own person and stay true to myself - to heal my own wounds, manage my own triggers, and engage in self-care so that I can give to others authentically without depleting myself in the process. My responsibility is to maintain healthy boundaries especially with those who are unhealthy.
I would rather be alone than lonely. I was in connections that left me feeling lonely. I didn't like how I felt, but at the time I thought it was better than being alone, I was wrong. Alone is better than lonely. In my solitude, I started taking care of me, loving on me. I took myself out on solo dates, and I got to know me outside of any relationship. I directed my attention to myself, the attention I was too busy giving them. And I realized that I wasn't doing right by myself. I deserved the world so I decided to give it to myself. I decided to be happy on my own so when the right one walked in, I would be happier.
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Introverts don't just connect, they form soul bonds. And that's why they cannot vibe with everyone. They may look shy, selfish, mean, or totally uninterested. But trust me, all they're doing is protecting their energy.
– Master Nobody
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Don't ever lie to an introvert. You can't. It's impossible. They're extremely observant. They notice everything. Seriously, everything. Change in tone, body language, your eyes, your energy, and your whole vibe. They'll catch you.Trust me on that. Don't even try.
- Master Nobody
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