Keeping the romance alive in your relationship, and working towards making sure the spark is still there, can really do a whole lot of good to your bond, in the long run.
Whether you have been together for a few months or for decades, it is important to take steps to maintain some spark in your relationship. Some consistency can be nice in a relationship, but variation from the everyday routine is important to make things more fun. If you are in a monogamous relationship, that variety needs to come from within your partnership.
While it would be wonderful for you two to get away to some exotic island where you could spend days sipping coconut-flavored drinks on the beach, you also want to have some ways to electrify your relationship during your normal days.
Here are 13 great ways to put some spark back into your relationship that don’t take a lot of time or money but can be pretty powerful when you apply them.
13 Ways To Keep The Thrill in Your Relationship
1. Let’s get physical
Physical touch is key to a significant relationship. Sure, this includes sex, but also so much more. Give your partner a hug, rub his back, hold her hand, offer a massage. Oxytocin is released with physical touch, which has been shown to give lots of benefits, from feeling closer to being more generous and even having a stronger immune system.
2. Smile! You’re on camera
Pretend as if a camera is following you around every time you interact with your spouse (except when you are having X-rated time). How would you want to act if you knew you were being watched by others? Kind, thoughtful, easygoing? Now act like that every time you are with your partner.
3. Say “I’m sorry”
We all mess up from time to time, say things we later regret, and do things we really shouldn’t. And yet, so often we justify these actions, to ourselves and our partners. This can lead to resentment and defensiveness—not the ingredients for a happy relationship.
Next time you mess up, admit your mistake and move on. It will help your partner feel closer to you.
4. Looking good
Take steps to feel good about your body and the way you look. This is for you and your partner. For example, when women feel good about their bodies, research shows they are 19 percent more satisfied in their marriage. Don’t worry; you don’t need to look like a model. Just taking steps to feel good about yourself can be helpful to you.
As one of my male clients said, “I don’t need her to be skinny; I just want to know that she puts in some effort to look good. It makes me feel important.” I have had female clients express similar sentiments.
5. Listen to your partner
This tip is multifaceted. First, it is important to listen—really listen—to your partner. Ask him about his day and then actually be interested. (If you find it tough to be interested, you might want to practice some empathy skills training.) One client who came in because he and his wife were considering a divorce lamented, “She never even asks me about my day. She just complains about hers.” Your partner wants to be heard and understood.
Another reason to listen to your partner is that your partner is telling you what he or she wants from you. What kinds of things does he say or do to tell you that he loves you? For example, when we were first married, I realized my husband often told me “I am so proud of you” when I was talking about my work. At first, I just said, “thanks,” but then I realized that was what he needed to hear from me. And when I started telling him that I was proud of him, I could tell that he felt really loved by me.