From the moment we are born, our lives depend on the approval and care of those around us. This need for acceptance is ingrained in us from birth and grows stronger as we get older which then affects our behavior, relationships and self-worth. At its core, the desire for seeking external validation is a search for love, connection, and a sense of belonging. However, when we begin relying on this external validation as our primary source of self-worth, we may find ourselves trapped in an endless loop of seeking approval that often comes at the expense of inner peace and authenticity.
But hold on a second—why are we allowing the outside world to dictate our inner values? That’s exactly what we’re going to discuss today.
In this article, we are going to look at reasons behind external validation and how we can shift our mindset to overcome the need for external validation.
The Lure Of External Validation
We have all been through it – you achieve something, tell everyone and then wait for that dopamine hit. The likes come pouring in, the compliments start rolling; it’s nice isn’t it? But why do we crave this so badly?
Connection. At its core, it’s about connection; a fundamental human need. We want to connect with others naturally — to feel like we belong somewhere and that we matter. But when this switches into an unending hunt for validation things can get messy.
So, how can you spot it? If you find yourself making decisions based on other’s opinions, feel crushed by negative feedback, or feel a lingering sense of emptiness, even when you’re praised, you need to keep reading.
7 Things You Need To Know To Stop Seeking External Validation
1. It’s okay not to have it all together
Seeking external validation often comes from the belief that we need to be perfect to be accepted. But let me tell you this, and please listen carefully: perfection is an illusion. No one has everything figured out; nobody! So it is okay not knowing everything right now or forevermore.
When you stop relying on external validation, you start to see that your worth isn’t tied to being flawless. It’s about embracing your imperfections and realizing that they’re part of what makes you uniquely you. So, give yourself permission to be human—mistakes and all. That’s how you stop seeking external validation and start finding confidence within yourself.
2. Success is what you say it is
When it comes to seeking external validation, the first step in overcoming it is realizing that you are the one who defines success. It’s easy to get caught up in what others think, but at the end of the day, their opinions don’t get to decide your worth. If you want to stop seeking external validation, start by setting your own standards and celebrating the victories that matter most to you. It’s not about living up to someone else’s idea of success; it’s about embracing your own journey.
Read More: What Is Self-Validation? Understanding The Importance Of Acknowledging Your Worth
3. Just be yourself unapologetically
Let’s face it—seeking external validation can be exhausting. To shift your mindset and stop relying on external validation, start by being yourself without any apologies. It’s about showing up as your authentic self, regardless of what others think. The key to overcoming the need for constant approval is to focus on what makes you uniquely you.
When you stop seeking external validation and start embracing who you are, you’ll find a deep sense of peace and satisfaction that no amount of likes or compliments can match. Remember, the best way to feel valued is to value yourself first.
4. Try to validate yourself
It’s all about learning to be your own cheerleader. Instead of seeking external validation, start by giving yourself a pat on the back. When you focus on how to stop seeking external validation, you begin to find worth within yourself. Think of it this way: when you believe in your own value, you won’t need to rely so much on others’ opinions.
So, next time you achieve something, take a moment to celebrate your own efforts and achievements. It’s a simple way to start shifting away from external validation and towards a more self-assured you.
Read More: 5 Imposter Syndrome Types Demystified: From Perfectionist to Expert
5. Let go of the fear of failure
Letting go of the fear of failure is a big step in breaking free from seeking external validation. It’s all too easy to let the worry about what others think keep us from taking risks. But remember, failure isn’t the end—it’s just a part of the journey.
When you focus less on how others perceive your mistakes and more on what you can learn from them, you’ll start to rely less on external validation and more on your own growth. It’s about shifting your mindset from fearing failure to seeing it as a valuable experience in your personal development.
6. Break free from the comparison trap
As they say – comparison is a thief of joy. It’s easy to fall into the habit of measuring your worth against someone else’s achievements, but remember, everyone’s journey is different.
To truly understand how to stop seeking external validation, focus on your own progress and celebrate your unique path. It’s about shifting your mindset from how you stack up against others to how you grow and thrive on your own terms.
7. Be kind to yourself
When it comes to how to stop seeking external validation, one of the first steps is to ease up on yourself. It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of self-criticism, especially when you’re caught up in seeking external validation. But being your own biggest critic only fuels the cycle of needing approval from others.
Instead of harsh judgments, try being your own cheerleader. Recognize your efforts and achievements, no matter how small. By shifting from criticism to encouragement, you’ll start to build a stronger sense of self-worth that doesn’t rely on external validation.
Final Thoughts
Letting go of the need for external validation is a journey of learning to trust and value yourself. Remember, your worth isn’t determined by others’ opinions but by the love and acceptance you show yourself. It takes time, but with each step, you’ll find a deeper sense of peace and confidence from within.
Read More: How To Be The Best Version Of Yourself
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs):
How can I start recognizing when I’m seeking external validation?
Pay attention to your thoughts and actions. If you notice you’re constantly seeking compliments, reassurance, or approval from others before making decisions, that’s a sign. Journaling can also help you reflect on these patterns.
How long does it take to stop seeking external validation?
It is a personal journey so there are no deadlines here. Some could progress within weeks while others might take months or years even – however long they need should be accepted with patience and self-care.
Can social media increase the need for external validation?
Unfortunately yes, social media does tend to amplify this problem because people end up comparing themselves with each other a lot more often than they would otherwise. You may want to therefore occasionally take breaks from social media altogether, or at least curate your feed in such a way that only uplifting content fills it up.
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