Breakups are always tough and painful to deal with. But do you know that there are certain things you can do to turn your breakup into a breakthrough?
The pain of dealing with a breakup is universal and relatable. No matter how much you may think you don’t have anything in common with someone, it is likely that you have both experienced the heart-wrenching pain of a breakup.
I have seen people unite over this common theme time and again. Why? Because when breakups occur, they often stir up fears of being alone, of never loving again, and of being isolated. Ultimately, we all want to know that we’re not alone and that we’ll get through this.
Despite the universality of breakups, there is no manual for how to get over them (if only!) as no two breakups are the same. How long it takes to heal from a breakup is dependent on a variety of factors and differs for each person.
Breakups often get a bad rap since many people don’t want to experience the pain and suffering that results from losing someone they care about. It’s a pain that can cut deep and leave open wounds if you don’t allow yourself the space needed to heal.
Hard as it may be to believe, breakups can frequently lead to breakthroughs. I remember years ago when I first met someone who viewed breakups from a different perspective. She told me she was getting a divorce and I expressed sadness that she was going through this difficult experience. I’ll never forget her response “It’s so funny how everyone has the same reaction, but this is actually a good thing. This may be the end of my relationship but it is a new beginning for me.”
At the time I didn’t quite understand what she meant until I realized through my own experience that there is often an upside to this arduous process, even if it’s not readily apparent. Breakups can provide the space to reconnect with yourself, grow, and reflect on ways to apply the lessons you’ve learned moving forward.
When you break up with someone, you’re not just grieving the loss of the relationship but also the loss of the hopes and dreams you shared together. No matter how intense the pain may feel, these feelings aren’t permanent and someday you will be able to move on even if it feels impossible to believe that right now.
Although there is no manual for how to get over a breakup, below are tips that can help you cope as you’re grieving your breakup:
8 Ways To Turn Your Breakup Into a Breakthrough
1. Take time to grieve and acknowledge the conflicted feelings that may arise.
Acknowledge the grief and allow yourself to process the emotions that come with it. When you’re grieving a loss, you may feel tempted to suppress your painful emotions but doing so will ultimately prolong the process of moving on.
We often assume that avoiding painful emotions will bring us relief when the opposite is true. When you allow yourself to experience painful emotions, they lose their power over you and provide you with the ability to notice and enjoy the positive emotions when they do arise.
It’s also important to remind yourself during this time that you can miss someone and still not want them back in your life.
2. Focus on the relationships that help you thrive.
Reach out for support from the friends and loved ones that you trust. It will help you feel less isolated but also has the added benefit of strengthening the relationships in your life that you value.
3. Reflect on the reasons the relationship ended.
Chances are that as painful as it might be, there are some valid reasons why this relationship ended. Also consider if you notice a particular relationship pattern repeating (such as being drawn to the same type of partner repeatedly or all your relationships ending in the same manner, etc.).