Knowing your spouse by understanding their needs, especially in the context of conflict, will help you devise ways to more effectively de-escalate an argument.
All couples should apply strategies for dealing with their inevitable disagreements so that their feelings don’t bottle up. Read How to Repair the Little Things So They Don’t Become Big Things
Know how your partner receives love
Maybe your spouse responds well to gifts, and so during a cool-down period after a fight you go buy her a flower or her favorite coffee drink from Starbucks.
Maybe your spouse craves affirmation, and so during a fight, you seek to reassure him how much you love him, even when you’re angry about something he did.
Knowing how your partner receives love and what they need to repair from conflict is like having a secret weapon tailored just to them and their happiness.
Of course, simply making a good repair attempt doesn’t ensure success.
It’s also incumbent upon the other spouse to recognize and accept the attempt.
And if only one person in a marriage is habitually making the effort to resolve the conflict, the imbalance may take its toll over time.
Both spouses need to do the work toward dissolving negativity and, when possible, resolving conflict.
Are you and your partner locking horns more than usual? Maybe, it’s time to consider a few effective blueprints for managing and resolving your conflicts. Read 3 Useful Blueprints For Managing And Resolving Conflict In Relationships
For David’s part, he knows that in the midst of conflict, Constantino will feel comforted with physical touch – a comforting hand on his knee or a gentle arm around him.
Sometimes there might even be a shoulder rub involved. David knows Constantino’s love language is quality time, so any productive dispute will involve a conversation when both partners are physically present
The magic is that once one partner makes a repair attempt, the other person feels better and usually responds in kind.
We may never resolve our dish dispute, but we’re developing effective tools to mitigate the conflict and get past it as quickly as possible so we can get back to staying connected.
These efforts don’t always come natural to us, but we’re learning that a significant part of love is simply making the effort to repair, maintain, and grow the relationship.
Love might be work, but it helps to remember that the more work we do, the more we deepen our love for each other.