Cardinal Principles For A Happier Relationship
Rule Number Nine
Never blame the other partner for what you cannot be, have, or achieve in your own life.
Perhaps it is a dark part of human nature to place accountability for unhappiness or failure away from oneself, but it is a disaster in a love relationship. People do look to their intimate partners as a source of stability, comfort, and safety, as well they should. But a person’s desires and hopes are not the responsibility of the other partner to fulfill.
Yes, one lover’s needs should be a high priority, but every desire expressed by one partner cannot always be automatically the goal of the other, no matter what the circumstances. No partner deserves to be automatically held accountable to meet them.
Rule Number Ten
Continue to Grow Beyond Your Own Limitations.
All human beings need both security and challenge, whether alone or in a relationship. Too much predictability seduces boredom and eventual decay. Too many risks can undermine the comfort of familiarity.
The partners in long-term, successful relationships know that they must preserve discovery, both within and between themselves. Every person knows where he or she is “locked-in” and where they are flexible. Openness to new ideas and adventures challenges the status-quo but introduces the differentness that makes for depth and possibility.
Just think what it would be like to read the same book every year. Some of the passages would still be exciting and interesting, but all would lose their luster if they were simply repeated exactly as they were once written. When the partners in a long-standing relationship tell me they can finish each other’s sentences, I am not happy. Why bother talking if you will always know what the other partner is going to say?
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