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Loving Them Is Like: Know How It Feels To Love These Zodiac Signs
Loving them is like…
ARIES: Tandem skydiving
TAURUS: sleeping beneath a weighted blanket
GEMINI: Speaking a secret language nobody else can understand
CANCER: trying to coax a stray cat out from under a dumpster
LEO: having a lap dog
VIRGO: walking a tightrope
LIBRA: looking in a mirror
SCORPIO: playing chess against a bot
SAGITTARIUS: watching the same standup comedy routine o
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As Green Things As Per Zodiac Signs
As green things…
ARIES: sour apple 4Loko
TAURUS: fresh local microgreens
GEMINI: a tequila-soaked lime
CANCER: Ivy crawling up a brick wall
LEO: cash
VIRGO: green tea
LIBRA: sea glass
SCORPIO: the Northern Lights
SAGITTARIUS: a snake
CAPRICORN: the Grinch
AQUARIUS: texts from an Android
PISCES: swamp algae
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Tactless Behavior Of The Zodiac Signs
Tactless behavior…
ARIES: walks into an art museum and says “I could have painted that”
TAURUS: goes into your room and borrows your clothes without asking
GEMINI: drops by your house without texting first because they saw the lights on
CANCER: judges strangers’ outfits aloud as if they’re in a fashion show
LEO: proposes at someone else’s wedding
VIRGO: scrolls through your photos when you try to show them just one
LIBRA: doesn’t actually break up with you, you just hear through the
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Personal Motto Of Each Zodiac Sign
Personal motto…
ARIES: it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission, but it’s best to ask for neither
TAURUS: if it ain’t broke, use it over and over again till it is
GEMINI: even if they’re hating, at least they’re talking
CANCER: if I can’t go in sweatpants, then I’m not going
LEO: if at first, you don’t succeed, give up
VIRGO: nobody’s perfect-believe me, I’ve noticed
LIBRA: peace, Love, Unity, Respect, Charming your way out of having to take responsibility
SCORPIO:
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How Terrifying Are The Signs?
How TERRIFYING are the signs?…
Aries: I mean they’ll love you and all but don’t do shit like force them to love you. They will slap you right the fuck everywhere.
Taurus: Not very scary but will do shit when needed. Pat their heads and play games with them.
Gemini: Bro you don’t fuck with Geminis they seem p chill at first but damn they can shoot OPTIC LAZERS FROM THEIR FUCKING EYES.
Cancer: Cancers are CHILDREN they are CRABBY LIL FUCKS but they are only scary a little bit. Probably their vocab is the most terrifying.
Leo:<
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Different Zodiac Signs Areย Crushing On Different People
Crushing on…
ARIES: anyone they can’t have
TAURUS: their long-term partner
GEMINI: anyone who can successfully outwit them
CANCER: yet another emotionally unavailable air sign
LEO: anyone who talks to them for more than 20 minutes
VIRGO: anyone who makes them feel needed
LIBRA: literally everyone
SCORPIO: their boss
SAGITTARIUS: themselves
CAPRICORN: their best friend
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Zodiac Signs Leave You For
Leaves you for…
ARIES…something that isn’t needy, like a brick wall
TAURUS…$30 and a Snickers
GEMINI…the lead singer of their favorite band
CANCER…their fancy new blender
LEO…a sugar daddy
VIRGO…their cat
LIBRA…their 25 other crushes
SCORPIO…an Al
SAGITTARIUS…their professor
CAPRICORN…a husband pillow
AQUARIUS…a fictional character
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