4. Only write your feelings. Don’t project what you think the other feels. For example, “I feel you don’t care about our family.” Or, “I feel you don’t value privacy.”
5. Don’t judge (question) the other’s feelings and try to site examples, “How could you feel that way…I have done this…I have done that, etc…”
6. Be on the lookout for manipulation, from all parties. This is not a competition, but an open exchange. The exercise, itself, may cause one to feel vulnerable, triggering that automatic brain, leading to a fight or flight. This may result in one party trying to manipulate the other for the upper hand. Be aware of this and stop it!
7. Pretend I am in the room with you as an arbiter!
Acknowledgment of another’s feelings is the first step in leading to a long-lasting peaceful, happy, and secure relationship. It is impossible to achieve when both parties are in a full blown fight or flight reaction. However, the first chance you get, I suggest you sit down and do this. Be an example to your children, to your friends, your family, to the world. Then, maybe we actually will have a chance to get along, after all.
Source – www.charlesglassmanmd.com
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