To The Man Who Broke My Heart: I Did Not Regret Loving You In Both Times

Bea Pilotin – Writer

I fell too hard, not knowing where to stand. And it hurts real bad because it didn’t go the way I wanted to. But to tell you honestly, I didn’t regret anything.

I didn’t regret loving you in both times- when all things were good and when things were bad as hell.

I didn’t regret the times when I embraced your flaws, loved your imperfections and accept your mistakes.

I didn’t regret the times when I had given you so many chances. It’s not because there’s always something so splendid and abundant about second chances that arrived each day. But because I knew it in my heart that you deserved those chances I had given you.

I didn’t regret the times I stood by you even how hard it was. The times when I held your hand and filled those empty gaps between your fingers.

I didn’t regret the times when my life revolved around you- only with you.

I didn’t regret the times I wasted loving you. Those many late nights I spent crying because of countless fights. Those times when my mind was restless with facing thoughts of you.

I didn’t regret the times when I was so patient dealing with your every tantrum, understanding your mood swings and loving every bit of you- each and every part of your soul.

I didn’t regret the moment when you broke my heart. It was like killing me but it’s okay. It made me stronger in so many ways.

I didn’t regret the times when I was seeing the ugly side of you because I saw it as the amazing one. And I reminded myself you were worthy and good at heart.

I didn’t regret having awful days- when you were not there to listen. When you were not there to hold me and feel better.

I didn’t regret the time when you decided to find your way about life without me because honestly, I have realized what this thing called, ‘LOVE’ really was. What it meant. Knew deeply what the word conveyed.

Maybe it’s not love what you’re looking for. Maybe you have forgotten what love really was and maybe you’ve forgotten how to love. And I didn’t regret that I forgave you for that.

I didn’t hate you. I didn’t hate myself. I didn’t hate the world. Our love was not that perfect. You were not always fair but I have loved you the way more than what you deserved. Not halfway. Not an option. Not maybe. Nor a second best.

I trained my heart to see the people I met along the way and to see the good things in them. I let my mind run free from all the thoughts that were keeping me hold onto things. Because of you, I have learned all the ways of love.

I stopped questioning my existence and realized that it’s not a pain to endure. I didn’t forget my value as a human being. I knew that you have caused me a deep void of pain but it’s okay. I was alive after all. I lived it well because I knew that just living was not enough.

I didn’t regret that I was hurt so deeply. That, there was a wound deep within me and it took some time to heal. I know, it was okay to feel these things as hard as I did.

Time heals the pain. And I was healed. Thank you for breaking my heart, anyway.

 

 

 

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Bea Pilotin – Writer

A woman who is passionate about coherent words.

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