Why The Signs Are Great
Aries: always on point somehow
Taurus: super cool
Gemini: super good humor
Cancer: knows how to fucking party
Virgo: flawless as fuck
Libra: always there for you
Scorpio: hot of
Sagittarius: social fucking butterfly
Capricorn: super smart
Aquarius: fucking perfect
Pisces: can be friends with legit anyone, super chill
ARIES: Realizes they packed six swimsuits but no clean underwear
TAURUS: Hurries inside the house without helping unpack the car so they can claim the best room
GEMINI: Somehow knows about all of the local attractions and town lore
CANCER: Picks up everyone’s wet towels because their name is on the Airbnb rental
LEO: Gets tipsy at 3 pm and tries to rally the group to play drinking games
VIRGO: Blows a fuse plugging in
Feeling moody because
ARIES: You spent 2 hours at the gym and received no phone numbers
TAURUS: The grocery store was out of your favorite oat milk
GEMINI: You spilled your coffee trying to do six tasks at once
CANCER: No one has asked you how you’re feeling today
LEO: Your partner forgot today was the anniversary of the first time you locked eyes
VIRGO: Your roommate left the sponge in the sink again and you suspect they did it on purpose to annoy you
Changes their mind
ARIES: Based on what feels exciting at the moment
TAURUS: At the speed of erosion
GEMINI: Every other day and expects you to keep up
CANCER: And goes back to the one ex they always say they’re over
LEO: And decides they need you as soon as you start to pull away
VIRGO: And rearranges their bedroom at 3 AM for the third time this week
LIBRA: Based on the opinions of the last person they talked to
SCORPIO
Jealous of
ARIES: Old classmates who are succeeding at things you aren’t even interested in
TAURUS: Other people’s gardens that are doing better than yours
GEMINI: The other Gemini at the party making people laugh
CANCER: Your cat who gets to sleep all day unburdened by their thoughts
LEO: People who seem like they’re always on lavish vacations
VIRGO: Your friend with an in-unit washing machine
LIBRA: Your crush who you’re not sure if you want to be
Experimenting
ARIES: Timing whether it’s more efficient to run up the stairs on all fours
TAURUS: Fermenting random foods and seeing what happens
GEMINI: Monitoring how much their heart rate increases while texting different crushes
CANCER: Testing whether they sleep better with or without Lana Del Rey instrumentals playing
LEO: Doing elongation stretches to help them reach runway model height
VIRGO: Practicing dexterity by picking up things with their toes
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Never forgets
ARIES: The password they’ve been using for everything since they were 13
TAURUS: Every time someone thought they were wrong but they were actually right
GEMINI: Weirdly specific drama about people they don’t even know
CANCER: The lyrics to the one song that they listen to on repeat whenever they’re in a mood
LEO: That time you had a few people over for drinks and didn’t invite them
VIRGO: Where you left your phone, keys, and wallet<
Humblebrags
ARIES: “I wish I could wear sweats in public, but I’m too much of a perfectionist”
TAURUS: “I’m so tired…it’s hard to get a good night’s sleep when you’re sharing the bed with someone”
GEMINI: “All true geniuses are at least a little bit unhinged”
CANCER: “I’m such a grandma-I turned down five party invitations so I could stay in tonight”
LEO: “I want someone to love me for my talent, not just my beauty”
VIRGO: “It’s so stressful knowing that everyone would be lost without
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