You were Never in a Relationship with the Narcissist

The narcissist also acted out because they couldn’t see or remember the good person that the partner really was when they became angry about the partner supposedly holding them back from what they perceived they wanted (money, material gain, ego supply). They want what they want at the moment, and it is as if the narcissist has a broken brain. Many of them begin to tire of their charade, in addition to seeking “better supply.” After the partner is drained, beaten down from abuse, and too tired to argue any further, the narcissist will then coldly leave as if nothing had ever happened, as if they never even knew you. Either the narcissist left, or the partner was forced to leave. There is usually no in-between or meeting halfway with a narcissist in the end, because they have to have their own way, and ultimately, discarding the partner was necessary to accompany the feelings of hatred the narcissist harbors inside, including their need for constant supply, money, and material gain, and the feeling of superiority coming from acquisition of these things, which is a part and parcel of their disorder.  They are greedy, selfish, and destructive individuals who leave their targets blindsided, often in financial distress, and completely confused.  

The time it takes to recuperate from narcissistic abuse is lengthy, and it also takes an immense amount of personal and spiritual power.  The chaos of the trauma bond and the cognitive dissonance makes it very difficult for most ex-partners of narcissists to continue to function, and many were left financially destitute, also lose their jobs, and some, even their lives. This is why it is important that awareness is spread regarding narcissistic abuse, and is a great reason why survivors of narcissistic abuse often go to such lengths to spread this awareness, sharing their knowledge with others and trying to get the word out. Narcissism is incredibly destructive, and current victims who are struggling will need to become aware of the truth of narcissistic abuse and the fact that they were never in a real relationship. Once they are empowered with this knowledge, they can begin to resume their daily life and quell the constant ruminations that haunt their lives.  With such knowledge comes power.

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Wendy Koenigsmann
Wendy studied psychology and is a graduate student who writes avidly about narcissistic abuse; she has a deep interest in spreading awareness of abuse while helping victims and consequent survivors overcome trauma.
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