“He wanted me to be the sky. I left because he couldn’t see I already was.” – Sade Andria Bak-Zabala, Poet & Writer
She feels sorry but she needed a change- something new in her life. A change of heart. A new key to fit a new door. A new song to sing. A new face with a new smile.
She feels sorry that she has decided to stop begging and quit breaking her own heart. For such a long time, she held the pain in her heart but you never did try to bend to hold her hand. You knew that she was falling from the highest cliff but you were unmindful to help and lift. She was begging for you to hold on, yet you went on your own. She pleaded you to stay but you left her in perplexity.
She feels sorry that she realized she deserves the kind of love that embraces her flaws, the love that does not calculate her as a woman and as a human being. The love that has a courage to take risks loving her in wonderful and in different way.
She feels sorry that she’s so tired and too exhausted being the one, the one who always tried to maintain the relationship, the one who loves and understands, the one who never gives up and the one who never turns away from you- the one who is always being tossed in the trash, the one who was always being shoved away, pushed away and a doormat. The one who is emotionally hurt. The one who stays, begs and chases. She’s tired of holding on.
And now, she’s giving up. She doesn’t like where she is now that’s why she wants to change where she’s going without you. She wants to change the old view in her life and will never allow her heart to wander again just like the wild birds that exist on the basis of survival of the fittest.
She has to treat herself like the most beautiful and extraordinary person alive on this earth like the way you never did. She will let the pain teach her a lesson so that she will never repeat the same mistake again and again. She cannot change what happened but she can change how to make up for it.
She will never let anyone treat her the way you did, ever again. She deserves someone who loves her with his whole heart. Not maybe, not halfway, not an option and not his second best to someone else.
She’s not scared with those memories and nightmares anymore. She had gotten over you and the nightmares. Yes, She finally did and found something she never would have found if she stayed with you. She found HERSELF. It’s a piece of her life that she knew she couldn’t live without now. Having found it, she couldn’t give that up for anyone. And remembering those miseries and how lonely she had been with you brought her life into perspective. Yes, she’s alone now with herself but not lonely anymore. Her life now is easy and comfortable. The scars in her heart faded like the scar on her head she’d gotten the day you started shutting out of her. She had learned that she cannot hang on to sorrow forever. She’s climbing mountains alone and that’s perfectly okay. There are huge waves pouring off in her life but she survived in any way. And looking back, she couldn’t find words. She just wants to thank you for everything- for letting her go. Because of that, she learned the ways of love.