I Will Never Forget How That First Moment Means So Much To Me

As I sit on the edge of my bed counting the distance between us, I’m thinking of how special those nights were, for both of us. Thinking of it makes me bounce between euphoria and bliss. It makes my heart race and skip a crazy beat. Just thinking of it makes me blush, and fall in love a million times. It makes me want to go home to you.

I want to go back in that Hotel where I first saw you standing at the front door, reminding me of McGyver. You were like Richard Dean Anderson- gentleman, rugged and handsome with those sweet sleepy-hooded eyes and I was like Stefani Gwen whose face was painted by rainbow colors.

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I want to go backwards somewhere in that time. I want to go back to that cold and rainy October nights, standing  at the window in that familiar walls of the palest white surrounding, looking across the City. I want to go back to that moment and watch the play of light and shadow on the lawn and feel the gentle breeze of surrounding and see how the leaves rustle and tremble under it. To see once again how the sunlight filters through the leafy domes of trees that grew near the place every morning. I want to feel  how radiant and pretty the days that always invite and beckon.

I want to go back to that moments and hear how you say my name with all the love in your heart. I want to hear those rib-tickling jokes you whisper in my ear. Your nonstop stories about what happened with those years you haven’t heard anything about me- those long, long years in silence.

I want to go back to that first night so I could do it all again. I want to do it so differently, one more time. I want to hold you with all the love I feel. To kiss you like you are the only person I’ve ever kissed- your lips covering mine, long and hard. To kiss you like we’re 16, a little bit tense and shy. To kiss you like that’s all we need and could ask for. To kiss you thinking that this first time of passionately kissing you might be the last time. I want to kiss you again and get lost with the sound of your breath and the rhythm of your heart.

I want to hear you calling my name while kissing my hair. I want you to know that this is what I’ve ever wanted since I saw you the first time. How I’d love those eyes I used to gaze in that rear-view mirror of your car.

I want to go back to the mornings and wake me up with your kisses, whispering my name and when I open my eyes, I’m seeing the sweetest smile on your face that tilted the earth to its axis. A smile that blazes a firewood, emitting both passion and love. A smile that soothes and makes everything alright. And a smile that says we’re both safe in this world.

I want to go back to the early morning walk along the street, with you beside me. I want to see that grin in your face when I say something dumb. That crooked smile when I run to you and hug you tight from behind. When you say, “see you next time” and that goodbye kiss before you walk out from the door, and when I know you hit the ground floor from the elevator, hell, I would start missing you so bad.

When was the last time you kissed me? I want to go back on that moment, the night when you last kissed me and we’ll do it one more time.

I want to go backwards to kiss you until I memorize the taste of your lips. To kiss you until we lost ourselves in our passion for each other and with helpless yearning. A kiss that sends a shiver down to our spines. And a kiss with all the shattering tenderness, softly whispering each other’s name while a desire begin to roar through our entire bodies.

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I want to go back to the nights when you were coming to see me and bringing with you my favorite food. I want to feel you sleeping in between those crumpled sheets and hear the blow of your breath on my neck.

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Bea Pilotin - Writer
A woman who is passionate about coherent words.
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