Anger, irritation, anger are active emotions that require an exit, and preferably immediate. It is perfectly normal to be angry, and constantly ignoring strong feelings is harmful to mental health. However, this does not mean that you need to offend the interlocutor – there are more productive ways to cope with the situation so that everyone comes out the winners. We have prepared instructions on how not to talk and not to do anything superfluous – and how to understand the reasons for your irritability and learn how to properly dampen it. And if you have already hurt a person, use our instructions on how to properly apologize.
1. Ask yourself what you are really angry about.
Carefully and without judging yourself, trace the path of feelings. When did it really appear? Were you already offended by your opponent before the outburst of anger? Usually, the true causes of anger are still personal. Anger signals a violation of boundaries, disrespect for our feelings or circumstances of life. Sometimes people do quarrel over politics or pressing social issues, but then it turns out to be a conflict of values.
It is good if you can have some privacy during these reflections. If it is not possible to sit quietly in the next room, you can go to the toilet, bathroom, and balcony. Your goal is to be alone with yourself and your feelings.
2. Speak out your feelings.
It is clear that from the first and even second time it will be difficult to do so. We need a workout and Basepointpsychiatry.com may help you. All of us in childhood heard the quarrels of adults, which in many families took place in high tones, exactly in the wording of the charges and the search for the extreme. In stress (and a quarrel with loved ones is certainly a lot of stress), a person regresses and the first ways to solve the conflict that we know from childhood come to mind. We can open our mouths, going to say something constructive, and suddenly shout out: “What kind of person are you!” – because that is what Mom always shouted to Daddy during scandals.
Take it as a habit, even if you are very angry, to first indicate your feelings about yourself and only then formulate the answer aloud. And it is also better to think about it beforehand. Again, this skill is achieved by training – with some time it will start to work out. Impulsive reactions in anger seem to be the way out, but in reality they do not help anything: they increase the stress of both participants and lead to an escalation of the conflict. An opponent who is hurt by live accusations is likely to respond in the same way, and there will be more reasons to be angry at him. We will get a funnel of anger. If you feel that you can not hold back – try to distance yourself physically first.
3. Do not try to suppress the anger. and forget about it.
It does not work. Anger, irritation, anger never just happen. To brush them off is to ensure the next flash in the near future, usually more intense and for a much smaller reason. This does not improve your relationship with others, and most importantly – it prevents you from living and does not allow you to find the real cause of such strong and regular negative emotions. Looking ahead, let’s say that there is a real reason, and you should keep this fact in your head.
4. Do not be in a hurry to hang labels on yourself.
Often, people who are constantly angry are very tired and overloaded people, for whom no one helps. Irritating people often live for years in extreme discomfort (sometimes from childhood). Therefore, it is difficult for them to tolerate the slightest discomfort, as it seems to others: they are always tolerant.
5. Take into account the physical condition and exclude triggers.
It happens that strong irritation or anger arises in response to emotional triggers. This is especially true if your childhood was not cloudless or if you were in an abusive relationship for some time as an adult. Track the roots of acute and seemingly unmotivated reactions and try not to push the triggers. It can be anything: you can’t stand it when someone without knocking comes into the room, looks at your monitor, takes something from your plate, you can only change in private and want your partner to leave the bedroom for this time. Do not try to be patient – it is better to politely agree with your loved ones so that your borders in these areas are observed particularly carefully. It is important to remember that there are no unnecessary and wrong emotions. Any feeling is a signal, and our task is to decipher it correctly, not to jam it.