Is the love gone? It’s an important question because love is essential. Without it where are we? Is our relationship just a friendship? Is it more? Is it perhaps far, far less? Just thinking about these things can make your heart hurt. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t think about them forever. Because if the love is gone then they might be soon as well. And if you’re not prepared that can hurt more than anything in the world. It’s like lightning from a blue sky.
So yes, love is a choice. And so is leaving yourself wide open to be hurt. It just isn’t a very good one. So today, let’s explore some of the signs that the love is gone.
The future has faded
You don’t spend all your time making plans anymore. In fact, you find yourself not talking about future at all anymore. It’s because secretly your future doesn’t contain them in it anymore. Sometimes you guiltily add them in after a moment’s reflection. Sometimes you startle yourself out of a daydream where you’re all alone or with somebody else and happy.
However it manifests, that it does is what matter. The future is one where either you they or both of you have imagined yourselves you’ve having gone in different directions but nobody has been brave enough to bring it up yet.
The ‘I love you’s have slipped away
Maybe it isn’t intentional, but it’s there. You, or they, or both of you say it anymore. That’s because you don’t feel it anymore. Sometimes that happens for a little while. Sometimes it happens for a lot longer. In the latter case, that’s something you need to talk about. If you don’t, then you can be sure you won’t be talking about many things much longer.
If this has started to happen pay attention to how it feels when you say it. Does it feel like just a few more words? Like you’re asking how the weather is? Like the words have lost their meaning? Then you can be pretty sure you’re relationship has run ashore.
It’s just another routine
You go through the motions, but that’s about it. The reason you’re together is more that you’re so used to being together that you don’t really know how to be apart. You’re still trying to work that stage out in your mind – or perhaps you haven’t even started thinking about it too hard. Maybe you’re not there yet.
Nonetheless, the feelings are gone. You might still laugh together, or smile, or pick good movies to watch together, but it’s a bit like brushing your teeth, or taking a shower. Yeah, sure, it feels nice, but it’s no longer rocking your world.
You can’t help but nag
In the beginning, they’re perfect. Then you start to notice the faults. That’s normal. The problem is when the faults take over and all those things you did like end up being swallowed up by them. All you see is one big fault.
And they you start to nag. Not because you want to, but because you want to bring back some of that person you cared about so much. And you mistakenly believe that its them that has changed, when really it’s your perception of them that has.
You start looking at other people
While before you only had eyes for them. That’s a pretty good sign. It means you’re considering alternatives, even if you’re only doing so subconsciously. You’re starting to see the value of other partners, which means you’re starting to no longer value the partner that you’re with.
And that means the love is going, or perhaps it’s already gone.
You don’t care about fixing problems
After all, it’s not like you’ll have to deal with them much longer. Yes, you might not have consciously accepted this, but in your heart you know it’s true. You can feel it, right now, in the fact that what you’re reading doesn’t hurt because you’re going to miss them, but only hurts because of the uncertain that will come after.
The truth is, you’ve realized your guide to happiness is no longer through them. It’s heading off without them. It’s finding a new direction. And that is scary. Of course, it is. But deep down inside it’s kind of exhilarating as well. And which one of those is winning is not so much dependent on how strong your feelings are as what kind of person you are and whether you like risks or avoid them.
Can you have a relationship without love? It’s possible. In fact, sometimes you can not love somebody for a long time and then find that love back. The question that you’ve got to ask yourself is whether that’s what you want. Is that the stage that you’re at?
Because let’s be clear about it, a lot of love does fade. And even if it doesn’t, it changes. So if you do decide to take another path, then this might happen again. You might well end up feeling this way about that person as well.
So the questions should be, do you want to try again? Is what you have a good thing? And if it is, do you want to give up on a good thing in the hopes of finding a better thing? Could you accept that perhaps you’ll have nothing at all?
If you can answer those questions with a resounding ‘yes’ then it’s time to pull the plug and let the love fade away to memory, so that it can be relived through nostalgia, rather than regretted from day to day.