Lying still in the bed, staring at the ceiling, I was lost in the train of thoughts, slideshow of memories were just passing , were these memories, good memories or bad or making me nostalgic, well to tell you the truth none of the above, they were just memories, neutral in nature.ย
I was trying to figure out the moment from those memories that changed me, that made me, โMeโ. I was trying to figure out how come I donโt feel the way people around me feel, I feel I am cold, I donโt miss anyone so bad that I canโt breathe, I donโt love anyone so passionately that I canโt imagine my life without them, I donโt hate anyone to the extent that only their name would fill me with rage, I donโt have grudges against anyone. It feels as if nothing impacts me, nothing matters to me, as if I am just at peace with myself. I donโt crave for anyoneโs company, if someoneโs there I donโt mind, but if not I donโt mind either, I love being alone, I love my own company, I love solidarity.ย
What exactly is wrong with me, or maybe I am just averagely perfect. Someoneโs existence doesnโt matter, I know that sounds bad, because as human beings we are supposed to need someone to talk to, someone to be with. Am I wired wrong? Or it short circuited in between, well thatโs what I was trying to figure out. Now I should sleep, as I need to be up in 5 hours and 10 minutes, I said to myself after checking time in my cell phone.
This has been my daily routine of late, thinking some or the other crap before I fall asleep. I give my mind enough food to get exhaust so that it wonโt disturb me in sleep.ย
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