Lying still in the bed, staring at the ceiling, I was lost in the train of thoughts, slideshow of memories were just passing , were these memories, good memories or bad or making me nostalgic, well to tell you the truth none of the above, they were just memories, neutral in nature.
I was trying to figure out the moment from those memories that changed me, that made me, “Me”. I was trying to figure out how come I don’t feel the way people around me feel, I feel I am cold, I don’t miss anyone so bad that I can’t breathe, I don’t love anyone so passionately that I can’t imagine my life without them, I don’t hate anyone to the extent that only their name would fill me with rage, I don’t have grudges against anyone. It feels as if nothing impacts me, nothing matters to me, as if I am just at peace with myself. I don’t crave for anyone’s company, if someone’s there I don’t mind, but if not I don’t mind either, I love being alone, I love my own company, I love solidarity.
What exactly is wrong with me, or maybe I am just averagely perfect. Someone’s existence doesn’t matter, I know that sounds bad, because as human beings we are supposed to need someone to talk to, someone to be with. Am I wired wrong? Or it short circuited in between, well that’s what I was trying to figure out. Now I should sleep, as I need to be up in 5 hours and 10 minutes, I said to myself after checking time in my cell phone.
This has been my daily routine of late, thinking some or the other crap before I fall asleep. I give my mind enough food to get exhaust so that it won’t disturb me in sleep.