We all reach that breaking point. Some, sadly, keep it in. Holding it in will destroy you. You need to fall apart at some point.
I had to work this last New Years Eve. Working the holiday doesn’t really bother me. Working shitty hours comes with being a cook. What had really been bothering me was the lack of compassion, humanity, respect, decency and being unappreciated. It has been building for years and years. Then, New Year’s Eve my “Fuck You” cup tipped over. Right in the middle of the kitchen and on a particular manager.
I’m not really sure what I said exactly. I do remember yelling at the manager as she walked away from me and I kept screaming things like, “What a piece of shit” “I’ll start calling out repeatedly like all the other losers” “I’m always covering shifts and working the holidays and not even so much as a thank you” and “Fuck you!” was in there a lot more than it needed to be.
All I wanted was a champagne toast at midnight. Didn’t even care if I got my “Thank you.” Which I didn’t, of course. Pretty sad not getting a glass of champagne made me fly into a rage. This was pointed out to me.
Was it mean? Did I mean every word I said? Could I have gone about it in a better way? Are we cool again? All of them, yes.
The thing is, we are cool now and things are back to normal. No compassion, respect, or decency. I wish I could have seen myself from someone else’s view because even I thought it was ugly.
When you explode into a thousand pieces. It’s honest. It’s real. It comes from the broken-hearted person inside of you who have had enough of being taken for granted, unappreciated, disrespected and treated like they don’t matter. Everyone matters damn it! I’ll never say I didn’t mean what I said because I did. I was at my breaking point. I will never be malicious or cruel. But I will always be honest with my words and actions.
You need to dive in, get lost, get pissed off, break and shatter into a thousand pieces and then pick up those pieces and start over. You need this because after you have put those pieces back together you will be stronger. A lot stronger. Each time.
Falling apart into a thousand pieces. You learn. You grow. The person that is at the receiving end also learned that there lives a crazy person inside the quiet person. They will be shocked but have learned. Trust me. If they can’t deal with the blunt honest person that unleashes when you feel you’ve been disrespected. Let them go. They prefer the submissive person that they can push around. They are bullies. Be done with them. I once had to deal with a person in my life that if she didn’t control every situation she was an absolute animal. When you defended yourself she didn’t like you. She’s gone. Thank God!
Falling apart and then putting yourself back together is a learning experience. You’ll find yourself in those little-shattered pieces. You’ll learn to stand up for yourself. Holding in all the anger and letting people take advantage of you makes you resentful.
Break and shatter and then ask yourself “Why?” Chances are the same reason that made you shatter the first time won’t make you shatter again. Something else will. But you’ll know how to put those pieces back together and be even stronger and taller yet again.