When we look back on a failed relationship, often we can see that the signs were there. We replay conversations and past scenes in our head over and over again. Then we may become angry with ourselves for not ‘seeing’ earlier. But why didn’t we see these signs earlier?
One theory is that we did see, but we subconsciously didn’t acknowledge the signs. This may be because acknowledging them would be painful and even worse than that, it would push you into doing something about it. Such as having that difficult conversation, asking the person in your life why they don’t call you, message you back or message you first even, why they don’t initiate wanting to spend time with you? Whatever your gripe, more often than not, we choose to pretend that everything is ok, rather than rock the boat. We choose to wallow in our sadness and continue to feel unloved and uncared for. Yet we don’t share these feelings with the one that we love, who so often is the one that is causing all these feelings in the first place. The worse thing is that because we haven’t acknowledged that we are feeling this way, even to ourselves, we become incongruent. Our thoughts, feelings and beliefs say one thing, yet our behaviour says something else entirely. We may become grumpy ‘for no apparent reason’ and your relationship comes under strain anyway.
So why can’t we ask the big questions in our relationships? Why is it that we are afraid to tell this other person, whom we claim is the special person in our lives, that we feel hurt/sad/used/unloved/uncared for? It can be because we are afraid to lose them, but deep within we may have an underlying belief that we are not good enough, that we don’t deserve any more, and that if we were to challenge this person, that we could lose them. So we keep quiet, in the hope that they will magically change, rather than open up about the way we feel.
Therefore, the possible reason we become blinded by love, is because we don’t feel we deserve more. It is important to challenge these beliefs, where do they come from? Who in our past has made us feel that we are not good enough? This takes a lot of work on self discovery, and is often painful and it can be quite isolating, but I promise you it is liberating. Because you are enough, you do deserve more, and until you work on you, and give yourself the love that you may not have been given by others, you will continue to be ‘blinded’ by love. Free yourself from those shackles of low self worth, because you are enough.