2. Choking deep inside:
A lot of times I would choke due to my partner’s activities. He would dominate over me, check on my phone and be equally possessive. I was initially extremely happy. However later I began to choke. I would be scared to message people, even to my friends of the same sex because I knew it would lead to a fight later. If you choke, try to talk it out. Don’t make the same mistake as I had done. If talking to your partner does not help. Talk to someone who is elder to you .
3. Endless Conflict:
We kept fighting for something or the other. We never came to a conclusion. He would beat me up and I said nothing because I have seen even my mother getting beaten up. I would instead in self-defense beat him up too. We would end up in different sex positions to resolve. Sex is never a solution. If after carcinogenic fights, you end up in bed or a drive or a trip, trust me you are heading towards the worst.
4. Sudden Attraction:
Deep down, I knew I wasn’t doing any justice to myself. I detested being treated as an asset. I hated that he would hate if his friends spoke to me or I spoke to them. A lot of mutuals were aware of issues between us. Everybody, of course, warned me to step out of the relationship but it had been the longest and I didn’t want it to end. I miserably fell for other men, got sexual, cheated after being beaten up. I would also come back to him to confess my mistakes and get beaten up again in that process which I would allow out of guilt. There’s nothing to feel guilty. When you are realizing the flaws and finding a way to get out of it. It is a simple hint that you should. The relationship will take you nowhere. It’s time to curb the attachment.
5. Haphazard Lifestyle:
If you sleep more than what a normal person does, avoid moving out of the house or getting into a conversation or hanging out with your friends. If you feel completely hopeless and the best solution to you is to cover yourself with a blanket, you are heading towards the cave I ran out of. If your lifestyle is getting haphazard and you don’t quite know what you should do. Trust me to try analyzing everything from the beginning chronologically. You will end up with the answer you already know.
No human has the right to constantly humiliate you or physically abuse you. Get that straight to your mind that it’s actually wrong and unlawful. If you are being humiliated constantly. For me I was being humiliated by him, his family at a stipulated interval of time. I would also be judged for my family issues and be abused. My mistake was to not protest. My mistake was not being able to take a stand for myself because I would lose him. I could move ahead only when I began to realize I didn’t actually need him.
7. Self Identification:
All the problems I have faced or anyone can face is due to lack of self-esteem, identity crisis, and fear of not being worthy enough. If you are facing any of the above-mentioned problems or this. You should simply stand in front of the mirror. Talk to yourself. Talk about every chronological event in life and figure out what the aim of your life has been since childhood. Try to figure out what you always wanted to do. Try to figure out what is that identity you want to provide yourself with. How do you want to identify yourself as?
8. Fear of the dark:
When you have figured out a way you want to identify yourself as. Think of the major impact of it in boosting your self-esteem. You have feared enough. You have feared so much that you are used to the dark. You can now go back to your (5)mode without any hesitation and even in the presence of people. So stop fearing and start working on it.