The Last Letter

The Last Letter
I do not know how to start this
But I swear this will be the last.
Remember when I told you
During the “last three minutes of my life”
I would not give you a paper heart
Because I wanted to offer you things
No piece of paper can ever possibly hold.
Or that I was willing to be hurt
For the right reasons
Never mind that I take the leap alone
For as long as I take it for you.
I took the leap alone for you.
Or that I will always fight for you
For as long as I possibly could
In the way that I know I could.
Or that I will just be close to you
Until you decide to force me away
Until you tell me
You no longer need me to stay.
I failed.
I failed to make you realize
What I am willing to offer and give up for you
Are more than
What you keep seeking from somebody else.
Or perhaps who I am and what I have
Are things you are totally fine living without.
I failed to convince myself
I was and I am still
Being hurt for the right reasons.
I was not able to get myself back together
When I broke into pieces
After a fall I chose to take alone.
I failed to be the stronger person
In this game of emotions.
When I thought I won the fight for you
I lost my grasp of reality
That to have you
Meant to have to win a battle
Whose winner only you can declare.
I failed to make you constantly feel
The need for me to stay
Or at least to make you
Want me to stay.
So this shall wish nothing
But for you to finally
Find what you are looking for.
It shall wish
For you to be hurt
Only for the right reasons.
It shall wish for you to jump
For you to fall
For you to be broken
Only for the person
Who will do the same
For and with you.
It shall wish for you the person
Whom you will also
Wholeheartedly fight for
The person you will fight for.
It shall wish for you to be with somebody
Whom you will
Need and want to stay
Somebody you need and want to stay.
They say love is never selfish
It must know when and how to let go
Especially when it is no longer helping
The other person grow.
Cause holding on
Just means holding you back
From what is best
Or at least
From what is better.
I badly wanted to be part of you
But every piece of you
Just does not want to.
I cannot think of a more appropriate line
To describe how I feel
So allow me to borrow
From someone I hurt before
Someone who fought for me
But had the courage to give up.
“I have grown tired caring
For the person
Who least cared for me.”
Love should be reinforcing
Reassuring
Rejuvenating
And when it is not doing
What it ought to
Maybe that is not love
Maybe just some scattered emotions
Which deserved no place in your world.
Maybe you were right
Maybe I am a broken person
Who needed fixing.
And maybe it was not really you
Breaking me
For how can somebody
Already so broken
Be any more broken?
I was told once
You can never love
When you are broken
But I do not believe it is so.
Because truth is
You can never be loved
When you are broken.
You can never love me
Because I am broken.
I want to fight for you
I honestly wanted to
But I totally forgot
There was nobody there to fight for me
When I no longer can.
I am finally done choosing you.
It is probably time to choose myself
Than to remain an option
To the person who has been
My only choice.
I honestly thought
It will be difficult for me to fall in love.
I am realizing
It is more difficult for me to fall out of it.
But what sense is there in living life
When everything was made so easy?

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