Spiritual Dating During Covid

It’s difficult to meet a soulmate in the best of times, and with the social isolation of Covid, it’s that much harder. Normally we want to feel that spark in person, but with Covid, we are stuck in virtual reality much longer than usual. So, how do we date during Covid?

Many of us, including stars and celebrities, don’t know of a dating process. We jump from being infatuated to wanting to commit without progressing through the essential steps that lead to a healthy relationship.

The Tree of Life image, from Kabbalah (Cabbala, or Qabala) reveals a path to a great relationship. The seven lower Energy Areas reflect physical reality, with different numbers, colors, foods, notes, and more. They also contain spiritual qualities, such as positive and negative behaviors. Everyone has a Tree of Life they can nourish, or, let wither.

In dating, we divide the Tree into two parts.

The first 3 Sephirot are examined during the Infatuation Stage when the relationship feels like a honeymoon. Perhaps the term “examined,” is somewhat medical, but these are sensations we have when we interact with another person.

Daters experience the first rush of Unconditional Love, as shown in the Chesed, Lovingkindness sphere. This is where Unlimited Love flows into the Tree, like sunshine from above. Dopamine, the pleasure-seeking chemical, is released in the brain, and we start having wonderful ideas about the perfect relationship.

However, after a bit, as in all relationships, red flags begin to appear. We attempt to figure out whether our date’s behavior is to our liking. Perhaps they slam the door too loudly? Perhaps they talk about their relatives or x’s unpleasantly?

Many people are hesitant about honoring red flags because they think they will be mean if they say, “no.” Or, perhaps they feel they will never do any better, and are willing to accept any kind of behavior.

It’s very important to be self-aware at this stage because recent knowledge shows, for example, that narcissists might take advantage of this time to trick a date into believing they are the best thing ever while hiding their dangerous behaviors. That is why boundary-setting is crucial in Step 2, Gevurah, Judgment.

The third step of the Infatuation Stage is Tiferet, Beauty. This is when daters want to share the joy – taking walks, listening to music, watching movies, etc. They have decided to love the person Conditionally – for who they are – loud door slammers, and all (except for harmful behavior). Differences are honored and cherished.

In healthy relationships, partners will return to the Infatuation, honeymoon, phase again and again. Unfortunately, this should probably not be practiced with a stranger during a pandemic. In good times or bad, don’t choose a relationship without affection. Reach for it whenever you need to be close – always give and receive affection.

Soon you will glow so strongly that you will be able to send some of your extra love back into the universe. (It clearly needs it.) If you’re not good at affection, learning to hug and snuggle maybe your particular spiritual path. Encouraging your date to be affectionate also will be the loving furnace of your relationship.

Dating During Covid

During Covid, daters may choose to delay getting together in person. Looking on the bright side, you can get to know them more readily by FaceTiming a lot than, perhaps, over a couple of coffee dates. So, if you are attracted, put your best foot forward.

Also, reflect upon the person and make sure that they are not exhibiting emotional dependency issues. Use good Judgment and be honest about whether your new Covid friend is right for you.

Here are some further words of wisdom to spiritually date during Covid.

1. Create a targeted profile specifying exactly what you are looking for. For example, if you are seeking a committed soulmate, say it! If you are looking for a hook-up, that’s important to state in your profile, too.
2. Be open about how the Covid has impacted your dating experience. There is certainly a lot to discuss about how Covid has impacted your life.
3. Take all precautions before meeting someone. It’s not worth meeting a stranger, even if they seem like the greatest person in the world, and then get infected.
4. If you need to stop Zooming, be gracious in saying goodbye. Gentle farewells are a practice of Love.
5. Take care of your own mental and physical health by being on a spiritual path. Don’t expect another person to rescue you when times are bad, or even when times are good.
6. Learn about and strengthen your Tree of Life.

Dating during the Covid adds an extra layer of uncertainty to an already uncertain process. There are more opportunities than ever to meet online. Be open, have fun, put on some lipstick, and comb your hair, but, move ahead safely.

And, if you do click with someone, but can’t go meet them at this particular time, keep your happy brain chemicals flowing on your own. Commit to yourself that you will be strong and weather the storm with a sense of cheerfulness and Love.

– Elly Malka is a spiritual dater who studied Buddhism and Kabbalah for 15 years. She has an M.A. in Creative Writing, and was a software technical writer and credentialed teacher. She has taught Kabbalah and dating for 2 years.