Losing

The night sky calls me.
The breeze leans to take me there.
I stride my steps leisurely,
I walk to lay down over there.
Summer nights,
The ground burns to hurt.
But does it give me enough pain?
To let me shed and shower a few of my tears,
To plant in this roughness a plant of my pain.
To empty from my soul the river that it holds,
To feel how it feels to be free from this weight?
Does it? Does it give me enough pain?
My mom used to tell,
“You’re weak on you senses.”
She used to tell me,
I don’t feel much physical pain.
She was right. 
It doesn’t hurt enough. 
I wonder why, and I wonder what may.
Is it this cloudy sky I lay beneath of?
It lies like a blur in front of my eyes.
These clouds and dim lights,
Are not what I am here for.
I wanted to see everything clearly today.
The stars, the moon, 
The blow of the breeze,
An ambience full of answers to my mysteries. 
The wind was not supposed to cease today.
I wanted to feel everything today.
How my hair cherish to not be 
bound to any specific place. 
How my clothes aren’t perfect for
a ball dance in a palace.
How I breathe, and I breathe to listen
to the song I used to sing to myself.
Today, I do not care about who is
 listening to what I say.
“Will those withered flowers ever gloom again?
Will the clouds drift away from the moon again?
Will it be a passage to my ‘old soul’?
Will the night be generous enough to take me there?
Please make me fall in love with myself.
Because I now know what hurts the most.
It is losing yourself from yourself.” 

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