I am looking for myself

I left my job a year ago. What brought it on was a difference of opinion but honestly I was a time bomb waiting to go off! It has taken me a long time to realize where all that anger was coming from. Perhaps the pressure of being the best at what I do, trying to prove that I made a difference, only the means were wrong.

We often try to create legacies at the wrong places…. And perhaps in wrong ways! Not that wanting to be the best is a bad thing. But the essential question to ask oneself is, “Is this what I’m supposed to be the best at?”

When I look back and join the dots, I realize that the challenges I’ve been facing were the not so subtle hints from the universe that I was probably going in the wrong direction. To add to this, what I thought to be self focus was actually an obsession with validation. A validation of the fact that I was good enough.

One would then question, why the workplace? That’s because as unfortunate as this is, how well one does professionally is a measure of “success” and being a woman, one has to work doubly hard just to prove a point. It came to a stage where the universe or the supreme source of all this energy that makes us and binds us, said, “here’s a stubborn and rather obtuse child of mine. She doesn’t get the hint. She needs to be stonewalled!”

It’s been a tough year, but I know now that being stonewalled was the only way I would’ve started to look for the right door and in the midst of this obscurity I would find myself.

Sometimes, what we think is the worst thing to happen to us, is perhaps the best thing. I’m not there yet and still have plenty of anxious moments and sleepless nights but I do realize that this period in my life has come to make up for the time that I did not spend with myself all these years.

So, to anyone who feels that nothing is working out or that you’ve been stonewalled by life, I say, “Hold On! Transformation is ironic – like a deep sweet pain! It’s the price we pay for reaching the truest version of ourselves. The version that we were meant to be”