Finding true love is one of the most common journeys we go through. At first, we might think that finding love should be easy. However, many people struggle with it and seem unable to find true love.
So whatโs the problem? And more importantly, how can we fix it?
1. The consumerist culture
With all theย dating websites and appsย we have today, finding a lover became similar to buying a car: you make a list of what you like and what you donโt, then you start browsing until you find a match.
We started treating love just like buying any object, thinking that if we look long enough in the stores weโll find the perfect match we want. In other words, we started thinking that true love happens when two people feel they have found the best object available in the market.
Because of this mentality, many people feel obligated to make themselves desirable objects in the market by stockpiling money, boosting their status in the community, and enhancing their looks. Our entire culture became based on consumerism, to the point that it spread beyond the material objects. Instead of understanding the true essence of love, we became too focused on finding easy, fast and consumable relationships.
Want to know more about how you can find true love? Read 10 Things You Need to Know If Youโre Looking For True Love
2. The problem with finding your other half
Thereโs an ancient myth mentioned by Plato in the bookย Symposium. It states that once upon a time, humans used to be perfectly happy beings with 8 limbs, two faces and two sets of genitals. But one day, they made the gods angry so Zeus (the Father of Gods and men) cut them in half. Humans became separated from their other halves and are always looking for them to get back to their perfect happiness. This idea is also emphasized in fairy tales where a happy ending usually involves finding thatย perfect matchย and falling in love with them.
Hereโs the hard truth: thereโs noย perfect halfย waiting for you to find them. This idea is like an artist refusing to learn how to paint because they believe that when the right object shows up, theyโll be able to paint beautifully.
Without learning how to be loving, you canโt experience the power of true love. Thatโs why you should master the skill ofย lovingย before even looking for the right person. Instead of a quest to find your other half, you should embark on a journey to find love within yourself.
When does the quest for finding true love begin?
As we mentioned before, loving is a skill. While mastering the art of loving, you should stop looking for someone to love. Thatโs why sometimes love seems paradoxical. In his book โThe Art of Lovingโ, Erich Fromm states thatย love comes from an intense awareness of loneliness, yet the ability to be alone is the prerequisite for the ability to love. Fromm suggests stopping to look forย โMr or Mrs rightโย until you realize that you no longer need someone. Only after embracing yourself and the fact that youโre fine on your own, you become ready to love someone. Thatโs how the immatureย โI love you because I need youโย turns into mature love:ย โI love you because Iโm lovingโ.
Final thoughts and advice
- Stop looking for love to consume, and start giving it instead. People who give love donโt see it as a sacrifice: itโs how they experience their strength and power.
- Always treat the person you love with care and respect. Love them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Help them grow in their own way.
- Know the person you love at the deepest level. Thatโs how when you see their anger, you can also see that theyโre anxious and worried. Itโs what allows you to see their suffering rather than react to simply them being โangryโ.
Once you learn how to give love, finding a person to love becomes easier. Maybe the next time you have a crush on someone andย tell them about it, theyโll end up being the one you spend your life with. Not because they were the perfect person sitting around and waiting for you, but because youโll give them love and nurture your relationship with them.
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