Dear younger self,
Science is moving towards a possibility of incorporating teleportation in technology. I can’t imagine how revolutionary this can be. Yet, I would love to suppose it is true, for a moment, just to connect with you. You are still there, except that you exist somewhere within me. You’re like the bud; you’re no longer seen on the outside of a flower, but you are an inseparable part of the blooming masterpiece.
It makes me think you actually still physically exist at some moment in the past. In university, I learnt time is possibly non-linear; everything is there – still unfolding, still happening. So, considering that you are a part of me, your healing is my healing. Therefore, I am taking the time and effort to write to you even if the idea sounds unattractive for an outsider. It will surely fill you up and pour light on your heart and eventually resonate with me.The world is getting crazier.
I know you’ve already guessed it. But my dear, though you’re very intelligent, it is a bit more overwhelming than what you’ve guessed. From my position, I see your brokenness, and now, I thoroughly understand it. Until very recently, I wasn’t able to translate your behaviour, and sometimes I saw it like others: depression or hormones. Yet, now, I understand the depth of your trauma very well. I know what it broke in you, and I see clearly how you are coping. I am writing to let you know that you’re not going to get the acknowledgment you need. Your healing will take place in the course of years. And you will remain alone. However, you will eventually end up in a very good place. Though life gets tougher, you are very resilient.
It was revealed to me, very recently, that your detachment was in no way a depression like people usually describe it. It was in no way a negative sign; it was BUILDING RESILIENCE. However, the interpretation people provide of our actions does more harm than good. For it alters our self-image and transmits toxicity in the sacred bond that a person must thrive in to establish a healthy connection with himself. So, you need to sometimes learn how to not listen. Find that non-stop amusing rhythm in your heart instead and follow it.My dear, the pain you’re going through is a side-effect to your soul searching. The sense of disconnection you’re developing is natural to the heart that seeks connection with truth; you are ditching inauthenticity. Your agony is going to become a beautiful memory that no longer stings. You can’t withdraw from reality, my dearest; you can accept it. And in most wonderful cases, you shall love it – even the bitterness it brought. I learnt it was perspective that you need to alter in order to change reality.
My dear, healing takes long. Nevertheless, being in the right mentality to notice and reflect on your behaviours matters much for developing self-awareness. And my dear, the mistake that I invite you to beware of, but not change, is trusting people way more than they deserve. It is not also an invitation for you to get stuck in the skeptic zone. It is just to add more awareness and support. Keep your heart inviting for growth to come along with tough as well as joyful experiences. And, my dear, do not hang much on the hope that days will bring prince charming your way. He, in another story you haven’t read, is also traumatised, my dear. He’s there too, probably stuck in the darkness of his mind. For in this world, the ones who explore the marvels of the human heart are very few. Don’t hasten for meeting them.
Many kindred souls will come your way. Look up at the sky and see the ever-changing beauty in its stillness. It is how you grow. The conditions of your heart are constantly changing, but there will always be marvels in its stillness. Like the sky is a touch of the Divine in the universe, your heart is a touch of the Divine in you. I know you might get amazed by reading this and think, how could you – I – write like that? I will, however, end on this note, and let you discover how.