How Your Attachment Style Influences the Success of Your Relationship

attachment style influences the success

Changing your attachment style

The answer is yes, but it takes hard work. Often therapy can be incredibly helpful. Being aware of your attachment style and the choices you are making in a partner is crucial. A quality therapist will guide your development of the awareness necessary to discern whether you are reacting to past wounds.

We tend to recreate unhealthy relationship patterns from our childhood in our adulthood. As much as people may dislike it, the familiarity is comforting. You may even confuse the feelings of relationship chemistry with what is the familiarity of your early life experience.

You can challenge your insecurities by choosing a partner with a secure attachment style, and work on developing yourself in that relationship. By facing your fears about love, you can build new styles of attachment for sustaining a satisfying, loving relationship.

Recommended resources

The following books will help you to understand attachment theory and how it impacts your relationship.

Levine explains how the three attachment styles create the types of relationships we end up in as adults and how to break those patterns to have healthier relationships.

Trust and attunement are the foundation of a secure and healthy relationship.

Learn how to recognize and avoid “blind spots” in dating so you can find lasting love.

Tatkin shares the complexity of attachment styles and how to love an emotionally unavailable partner so they can be more available, and how to love an insecure partner so they feel safe.

Johnson offers seven vital conversations that help partners work with their unique insecure attachment styles to create a more secure and meaningful relationship.

Dr. Marni Feuerman is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Boca Raton, Florida where she specializes in couples therapy. She is a go-to media contributor and freelance writer for all things relationships, love, marriage, dating, and divorce. Check out her self-help book for single women titled, Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart about Healthy Relationships. For more information, visit her website: This article was originally published at

Written by Dr. Marni Feuerman, LCSW, LMFT
Originally appeared in The Gottman Institute
3 Ways Your Attachment Style Decides The Success Of Your Relationship
attachment style influences the success pin
How Your Attachment Style Influences the Success of Your Relationship
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