A Love Without Subject!

A Love Without Subject!

Today I woke up with such an emotional overflow … I cried!

On such mornings you would usually be here to hold me and comfort me and help me let lay it all on you… no matter what it was…. And as we grew I have learnt to lay it out on you in love….

But now that you are gone, the love is too much I can’t contain it… even after my attempts to share this love and laying out of it as much as I can out on everyone around, I can’t contain the leftovers because those leftovers are the love I laid out on you. They are not leftovers; they are all the love there is… The love of all the places, the memories, the times, the laughs, the prayers, the fights, the hugs and even the differences between us!

I don’t think there could be anything more tragic and true than a love which has no subject! It is painful and drives me crazy… I run around the house, I go dancing, I talk to people, I go to parties, I eat, I watch movies, I giggle… but none of it takes a hint of the energy that overflows the love I have for you… It is a piled up love over the years. It is a love I loved you every minute of my life. A love that is made of all the bits and pieces of my life where I wished you were here, I wished I could share them with you, or even chose to do nothing before you arrive. It is the love of our dreams and the possibilities. It is the love of our house and kids. It is the love of our making up and out after a fight. It is the love of our grey hair. It is the love of how we see each other across a room full of people. It is the long conversations we had for hours debating nonsense. It is picking on each other and backing one another. It is the love of trying hard not to love you and get over you when we break up. It is the love of wanting to never meet you to not love you all this much. It is the love where I lost my heart and mind but found myself. It is the love that put me down and filled me up. It is the love that provoked me and built me up. It is the love that saw me better and beyond I ever saw myself. It is the love I found particles of in all the other loves I loved. It is the reason why I loved. It is the love I dream of and may find or not. It is the love I never lived and now know is divine!



Aliaa Hussein Abbas