Tag: self help blogs

  • Feeling Depressed After the Holidays? 5 Reasons Why and How to Fix It

    Ever wonder why is it so challenging to restart regular activities after the holiday season? Well, it’s common to be depressed after the holidays, here’s why you deal with post-holiday depression.

    For so many of us, feeling depressed after the holidays is a regular thing.

    And it’s not a good thing.

    I have clients who don’t even enjoy the holidays because they know they will just be depressed when they are over.

    Understanding why you might be feeling depressed after the holidays just might help you manage it so that you don’t spend the next year in a funk!

    Here are 5 reasons that you might be feeling depressed after the holidays and what to do to help yourself feel better!

    Feeling Depressed After The Holidays? 5 Reasons Why You Have Post Holiday Blues

    1. New Year’s resolution pressure.

    Setting new year’s resolution is something that many of us do every year.

    The idea of a new year, a new you, is very compelling and we set these lofty resolutions with sincere intent.

    And then, a few days/weeks/months in, we let those resolutions go, either because of apathy, lack of time or how hard the resolution is to keep. And what does dropping our resolutions do? It makes us depressed.

    Letting ourselves down is one of major causes of situational depression. We feel like a loser that we can’t keep a promise to ourselves, or to others, and that self-judgement can put us into a very dark place.

    But, there are ways for you to keep those resolutions (or at least some of them) to help you feel better about yourself and let go of the depression.

    How many resolutions did you set? Did you decide that you were going to quit drinking, go vegetarian, get to the gym and sleep more?

    Or perhaps did you just decide to ‘be healthier.’

    Those goals are great, truly! But they really aren’t achievable. Why, because you have bitten off more than you can chew.

    No one, and I mean, no one, could successfully quit drinking, go vegetarian, go to the gym and sleep more in one fell swoop. It’s just too much change too quickly, especially with things that might be very challenging.

    As to deciding to ‘be healthier,’ what exactly does that mean and how would you accomplish it if you don’t have a concrete plan?

    What I do, and what I encourage my clients to do, is to choose ONE thing to start with. That one thing can’t be ‘get healthier’ but it could mean to quit drinking for a month. OR to eat less red meat. OR to commit to the gym 3 days a week. OR to put your phone away at 11pm so that you will sleep.

    Anyone can do one of those things, if they set their mind to it.

    Have you bitten off more than you can chew with your new year’s resolution. If yes, try paring it down a bit so that it is in manageable chunks. If you can do this, if you can keep your new year’s resolution, you might find that you are no longer feeling depressed after the holidays.

    Related: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): What Is Seasonal Depression And Its Symptoms

    2. The darkness.

    One of the things that always amazes me in January is how dark it is.

    Of course, it’s the time of year where the days are shorter, it gets dark late (5:00pm where I am) and temperatures are often much lower than we would like them to be.

    And just this alone, particularly the absence of sunlight, can make someone depressed.

    BUT, what I also notice in January is the complete absence of Christmas lights. For me, this is beyond bleak.

    Feeling Depressed After the Holidays

    Christmas lights go up soon after Thanksgiving and they last, usually, through New Years. And then, poof, they are gone.

    Of course, there are always a few hold outs but mostly, the colorful lights that we see outside people’s houses have been put away for the year.

    For me, this is always depressing. I am not a big holiday person but I love the lights.

    So, what do I do to get through these dark days of January? Two things.

    The first is a get a full spectrum lamp, one which imitates the spectrum of light from the sun. These have been found to be beneficial in many ways, especially for easing the winter blues.

    The second is that I keep a few Christmas lights around my house.

    Every year, we put our Christmas tree outside but leave the lights on it. It isn’t really a Christmas tree anymore. It’s more like a beacon in the night, bringing some light into the darkness, as we wait for spring to come.

    I love looking at those lights from inside the house or as I am pulling up in the driveway. A little bit of spirit during these difficult months.

    3. The annual let down.

    Be honest. Do you, every year, hope that this year will be different.

    That you truly will have a holiday season like you see in the movies.

    Where you will celebrate with family and friends (with no arguments about politics). Where you will get all the gifts that you wanted. Where you will bake cookies for your neighbors and appreciate the joy in the season.

    And are you let down again, just like last year?

    This can be a big reason why you are feeling depressed after the holidays. The big hopes that you had for the perfect holiday season have been dashed with no hope to try again for almost a year.

    I get it. But remember, there are many things that let us down every year, no matter how hard we try. We plan that perfect trip, but lose our luggage. The project that we worked on didn’t turn out the way we wanted. We wanted that new Volkswagen but had to settle on a used one instead.

    And, do we get through those let downs every time? Do they bog us down for a bit but then do we let them go and move onto the next thing?  YES!

    The same will happen with the holiday let down. It might feel acute right now but I can promise you that it will be gone by Valentine’s Day, at the very latest!

    Related: I Hate Christmas: 6 Strong Reasons

    4. The state of your relationship?

    Did you know that January is the number one month when people file for divorce?

    Why? Because, they think that they just can’t get through one more holiday with the person they are with.

    Holidays can bring out the worst in people and they can make an already stressful time more stressful.

    Whether it’s conflict around traditions, disagreements about the amount of money that will be spent on gifts, the crazy schedule of holiday events or the time spent with extended family, the holidays can add a lot of pressure to a relationship that might already be struggling.

    Also, over the holidays we often have to spend a lot more time with our partners and, if that relationship is already stressed, more time together might just exacerbate problems or allow us to see them more clearly.

    So, what is the state of your relationship? Might your depression be the result of feeling helpless around it? Might it be because you are sad that you did fight so much? Was spending time wonderful or like pulling your fingernails out?

    Whether it’s good or bad, the state of your relationship might be one of reasons you might be feeling depressed after the holidays.

    5. The 4th of July.

    The nice thing about the fall is that we have lots of fun holidays.

    We have Labor Day which is a celebration of the end of the summer, one involving family and feasting.

    We have Halloween with all its pumpkins and candy.

    We have Thanksgiving and then we have Christmas and then we have New Years.

    The mundanity of our everyday lives is broken by fun things all through the fall. That doesn’t happen so much after New Years. What we have is a loooong stretch to another holiday – 4th of July. And a loooong stretch until summer officially begins.

    Sure, we have a few Presidents Day and MLK day and perhaps a springtime vacation but really, what we have for six long months is the day in day out routine.

    And that, the anticipation and the living in it, can be one reason why you are feeling depressed after the holidays.

    I make a huge effort every year to make a plan to do things to break the routine that is winter.

    I try to travel to New York City to see my kids once a month. I make movie dates with my friends. I try to have a special night out with my boyfriend. I make an effort to be spontaneous when I can be.

    Are there things that you could do to break up the mundane over these next few months? I am guessing there are. So, make a plan to do those things. Get yourself out of the routine before you get stuck there.

    Sometimes just having something to look forward to is enough to break the cycle of depression that can come after the holidays.

    So, there you go – 5 reasons why you might be feeling depressed over the holidays.

    I do want to say that while all of the reasons that I have listed above might be contributing towards your depression, know that there might be more to it than that.

    If you find that you are having a hard time pulling yourself out of your depression or if it’s getting worse, I would encourage you to reach out to your primary care doctor.

    depressed after the holidays

    If you find yourself isolating or having no desire to do things that you usually like to do, reach out to your doctor. Your depression could be more than just the post-holiday blues!

    Related: 9 Tips For Coping With Holiday Stress And Depression

    Post holiday depression is real. Take your time to recognize the signs and recover from it. Share your thoughts if you relate.

    Written by: Mitzi Bockmann
    Originally appeared on: LetYourDreamsBegin.com
    Feeling Depressed After The Holidays pin
  • 9 Signs You Are A Mentally Strong Person

    Do you struggle with facing challenges and stressors? Or do you overcome obstacles with patience, wisdom, bravery, and creativity? What makes a person mentally strong?

    Mental strength empowers us to deal with challenging situations, reduces our fear of failure, and pushes us towards achieving our goals.

    In this article, we are going to explore the subtle signs you are mentally strong.

    Being mentally strong can protect us against mental health issues and result in greater life satisfaction.

    But what exactly is mental strength?

    Mental strength is our ability to deal with stressors and challenges, to be resilient, and confidently perform to the best of our abilities despite the circumstances. 

    Are you a mentally strong individual who is unaffected by adversities?

    Here are 9 signs you are a mentally strong person who is not easily fazed by life’s challenges.

    9 Signs of a mentally strong person

    1. You think logically with emotions

    You know how to balance your emotions with logic. You understand how strongly your emotions can influence your thoughts. So instead of reacting emotionally, you pause and respond logically.

    2. You are not afraid to face your fears

    While a mentally strong person may feel overwhelmed when faced with fears, they have the confidence to conquer the fears that hold them back in life. Instead of cowering in fear, you move ahead boldly as you are not afraid of failure or rejection.

    3. You accept yourself as you are

    Mentally strong people are masters of self-acceptance. While you are aware of your flaws and imperfections, you do not drown yourself in your insecurities. You pursue personal development passionately as you know what you need to improve in yourself. 

    4. You don’t stay down after failure

    Being resilient, you do not get bogged down by failure. You identify what you did wrong, focus on what you can control, and use your mental strength to bounce back and eventually succeed. 

    You realize that the road to success is long and difficult, so you learn from your mistakes, pull yourself up and move on.

    5. You take responsibility for your actions

    Instead of blaming others, mentally strong people accept personal responsibility for their own behaviors, choices and actions. You have an internal locus of control and believe that the outcomes of your actions, whether positive or negative, are a result of your own competence and abilities. 

    6. You deliberately choose to be positive

    While it is easy to nag, complain and whine about difficult circumstances, a person with mental resilience refuses to make excuses and chooses to be optimistic. Instead of wasting valuable time, you use your time productively to live a better life. 

    7. You are flexible

    Mentally strong people know that change is the only constant. So instead of resisting change, you adapt to it. You have a flexible mindset that allows you to keep up with changes even when it’s uncomfortable and make the most of available opportunities.

    8. You know when to let go

    It’s true that mentally strong people have a “never give up” attitude, but they also know when to hold on and when to let go. You are practical and realistic as you are intelligent and determined. So you are well aware when it is time to shift gears and let go of things that don’t serve you any longer.

    Read 10 Tips For Letting Go Of The Things You Can’t Control

    9. You are kind and empathetic 

    Mentally strong people understand others’ perspectives and emotions at any given moment. You know how to respect people and treat everyone with kindness, keeping your personal feelings aside.

    Can you relate with any of these traits?

    Acting tough and being strong are not necessarily the same thing. 

    Most of us are mentally strong to some degree, but some of us are more resilient than others.

    You can always choose to improve your mental strength, reach your greatest potential and live your best life. 

    Signs you are a mentally strong person pin
  • 10 Ways To Overcome Childhood Trauma: Grow Beyond Your Childhood Trauma And Reclaim Your Life

    Do you want to break old patterns and release those past versions of yours? You might need to overcome childhood trauma first.

    Our childhood is supposed to be the purest, most magical, and happiest time of our lives, and yet, for so many of us, childhood memories only bring pain, shame, anger, and confusion. For it was when we had, for the first time, experienced trauma.

    At a time when we were new to this world, blissfully unaware of its complexities, and our formative brains still grappling with concepts of love, care, safety, and nurturance, we came to know what it feels to be unloved, uncared for, unsafe, and unnurtured.

    Read: How An Unloving Mother Can Ruin Her Child’s Chance At Happiness

    There are some basic incidents that come under the category of childhood trauma and which can have a pretty lasting impact on those of us who were subjected to what psychologists call an adverse childhood experience. 

    What Is Childhood Trauma?

    overcome childhood trauma

    Childhood trauma is an experience of overwhelming fear, sadness, shock, vulnerability, and insecurity. Children feel traumatized if they find themselves in a situation where:

    • They are in danger of physical harm
    • They are being neglected or abandoned
    • They are being manipulated (kids can be pretty perceptive)
    • Their practical and emotional needs are getting overlooked

    Although childhood trauma can also stem from one-off incidents like the loss of a parent, a natural disaster, or an accident, we’re here to focus on healing the long-term effects of repetitive and systematic abuse (physical/ psychological/ sexual ) and neglect dished out by a primary caregiver or a parental figure.

    Read: Why Family Scapegoats Become Lifelong Victims?

    So, how to heal childhood trauma? There are many effective ways to overcome childhood trauma, however, you have to choose the ones that resonate with you and feel right for you.

    You’re best advised to consult a mental health professional if you believe you’re experiencing symptoms of childhood trauma in adulthood. Below are just a few suggestions:

    Overcome Childhood Trauma: 10 Ways To Heal Childhood Trauma And Take Charge Of Your Life

    If you’re sick and tired of your past ruining your present and future, it’s time to grow beyond your childhood trauma!

    1. Nurture Your Inner Child

    overcome childhood trauma

    When you were a child, what was that one wish of yours that was never met? What would you want to do differently when you become a parent? What was the most unfair thing ever done to you and how can you set it right?

    When trying to overcome childhood trauma, finding the answers to these questions can be quite liberating. Do you keep buying plush toys for yourself that have no use?

    Maybe it’s your deprived inner child making its needs met through you. Be more aware of these habits and do them consciously.

    If you have children, spend more time with them, or if you feel spoiling your fur kids makes you feel happy, do it by all means! Just make sure you don’t overindulge in anything as a coping skill, like impulsive shopping or over-eating.

    Read: Childhood Trauma And Eating Disorders: Shocking Facts You Must Know

    2. Ground Your Feelings

    To overcome childhood trauma, it is important to distinguish between your emotions and your sense of self. You are not an angry person, but you might be feeling anger, right at this moment, and you will feel better after a while.

    Sit quietly and be mindful of your body and mind. How does your body react when a memory pops up?

    Feel each muscle tension and the ease when it leaves your body. Observe your thoughts as an outsider and try to see them as they come and go like clouds.

    Emotions are fleeting and impermanent and so are the negative moods of sadness, bitterness, or despair that you might be feeling. Believe that they have little power over your life.  

    3. Revisit Your Childhood

    This can be triggering but a very important step in your journey to overcome childhood trauma. Take time to recall those memories and remember the details as much as possible.

    Think about what provoked emotional reactions in you as a child. Was it being ignored or compared to a sibling? Is this why you struggle with jealousy or insecurity in your relationships and at work? Dig deep!

    And no, when you are mindfully doing it, it is not dissociation or flashbacks! So, don’t worry okay?

    overcome childhood trauma

    4. Feel Your Emotions In A Productive Way

    When you’re processing unhealed emotions in order to overcome childhood trauma, stay calm when emotions start to rise. Feel the sensations, describe them to yourself, and associate each feeling with an emotion.

    Name your demons. Can the uneasiness in the pit of your stomach be anxiety? Since when did you start feeling this discomfort? What made you feel better then? What can you do to make it better now? 

    5. Accept Your Truth

    When you start trying to overcome childhood trauma, initially, you might get flooded with feelings of shame, guilt, embarrassment, or grief. Acknowledge and accept them. Welcome any feeling of discomfort or uneasiness that you may experience. 

    This is not you, but this IS what happened to you. Own up to your truth and then find a healthy way to channel any pent-up energy of sadness, anger, or frustration.

    Have a good cry if you need to or throw punches in the air, scream in a towel, write a story, paint a picture, or rant to someone you can trust. You can also write a letter to anyone who hurt you as a child, but not post it. Just let it out!

    6. Discover The Wisdom

    By now you will be able to download an insight, a message, or a pearl of wisdom that will advance you in your quest to overcome childhood trauma.

    You will be able to identify patterns and unearth reasons behind your certain compulsive behavior. You will also discover healthier and more positive alternatives to some of your life choices and the manner in which you react to situations.

    Have things changed? No, but your perspective did and this can bring a sea change in your life. You’ll see!

    7. Share Your Story

    Now don’t forget to document your new-found wisdom. Write down your realizations, revelations, and reflections in a journal or record them on a tape.

    To overcome childhood trauma, you should also consider talking about your insights and lessons learned to someone else. It can be a friend, a support group, or your therapist.

    8. Let It Go

    Now, release it! You sat down with your feelings, had a good chat, and learned what it needed you to learn and address. Now is the time to let it go. It might pay you a visit later, and that’s okay too.

    People who try to overcome childhood trauma often find visualization exercises and rituals to be very helpful.

    • You can visualize your trauma leaving your body like a cloud of smoke.
    • You can also try burning the letter you wrote earlier.
    • You can take a few pebbles and throw them over a cliff or into a stream, imagining them to be your trauma memories and the resulting negative feelings and behavior.

    9. Seek Help

    We cannot stress this enough! If you want to overcome childhood trauma, working with a mental health expert will be the best way to go. Try therapy to heal childhood trauma.

    Find someone who has specialized in trauma as well as your specific area of concern; for instance, eating disorders, depression, or substance abuse.

    10. Take Action

    Everything comes down to this. It’s your life and it’s your responsibility to make the most of it. Don’t let your past define you or haunt you forever. To overcome childhood trauma and take control of your life, you have to take the necessary action.

    It can be any of the above tips. It can be talking to your parents and letting them know how they made you feel as a child. It can also be packing your bags and moving away from them.

    It can be taking your medicine and not missing your appointments. It can be just showing up for work, for that movie date, for your support group meeting, and for life.

    To overcome childhood trauma, it is important that we identify it and also understand why we need to heal from childhood trauma in the first place.

    Long-Term Effects Of Unresolved Trauma

    overcome childhood trauma

    Some might say things like, “Your childhood was a long time back”, “You’re not a kid anymore”, “It’s better to forgive and forget”, ”Why can’t you just let some things go?” etc.

    No matter how well-meaning those statements might be, the fact remains that healing childhood trauma is not an easy task. Anyone looking for ways to grow beyond childhood trauma must remember the following:

    • Trauma experienced during childhood can be extremely damaging
    • When we don’t process trauma right at the same time it happens, it gets stored as an unconscious energy within our system
    • It festers and grows along with us as we carry it into our adulthood
    • By the time we grow up, it becomes powerful enough to dictate our behavior and personality
    • It keeps negatively affecting our mental health, interpersonal relationships, and career prospects till we take measures to address it
    • Ignoring or suppressing our trauma memories only fuels the problem
    • Gaslighting ourselves into believing that our parents did what they knew best, we did have a great childhood, and it’s all negative bias, doesn’t work either.
    overcome childhood trauma

    So, what does?? It is a proven fact that childhood trauma in adults manifests as several psychological disorders such as depression, anxiety, emotional dysregulation, and overall stress reactivity. Signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults often show up as:

    Read: Natalia Dyer Eating Disorder: What Natalia Dyer’s “Anorexia” Can Teach Us About Eating Disorders And Body Shaming

    So, basically, even as an adult, you’re the same wounded child who is still carrying a lot of grudges and resentment toward the world and you just don’t know what to do with all this pain!

    overcome childhood trauma

    Therefore, the question is how do you grow up after childhood trauma? You have to understand and process your emotions and then only you can adopt the necessary changes, not before that!

    Read: How Childhood Trauma Secretly Creates Narcissists

    Can You Overcome Childhood Trauma And Regain Power Over Your Life?

    Those were some of the different ways to help heal childhood trauma that we could think of! No matter how you choose to overcome childhood trauma, it won’t be a quick and easy process.

    But yes, you will be able to overcome childhood trauma and it will be a rewarding experience too. You will free up so much space that your trauma used to take up and you will fill in those free spaces with your dreams, plans, and passion for the future!

    Read: The 4 Types Of Trauma Responses And How To Reclaim Your Life 

    Just resolve not to let your past hold you back or sabotage your potential. You owe this to your future self!

    Ways To Overcome Childhood Trauma pinex
    Ways To Overcome Childhood Trauma pin
    overcome childhood trauma
  • Meta Emotions: Why You Need To Be Aware Of Your Feelings About Feelings

    Did you ever have feelings about feelings? Are you aware of your emotions and feel a certain way about different emotions? How you feel about feelings is known as meta emotions and understanding it is crucial for our mental health and interpersonal relationships.

    The relationship we have with our own emotions can influence our mindset, personality and mental and emotional well-being to a great extent. How we accept our feelings and let go of negative emotions has a strong impact on our ability to form positive social bonds. 

    But what exactly do we mean by meta emotions and can they improve our lives? Read along to find out.

    What are meta emotions? 

    Meta emotions refer to how we feel about feelings. These can often be overwhelming as having emotions about emotions can often feel exhausting. Each and everyone of us experience different feelings about different emotions. While some of us are more open to acknowledging emotions, others may reject them. Our meta emotions are a reflection of our emotional experiences in life. While we may consciously experience a meta emotion, it can also arise subconsciously or unconsciously.

    Related: Meta-Emotion: How You Feel About Feelings

    feelings about feelings

    While all of us have meta-emotional experiences, most of us are unaware of the concept which makes it harder for us to manage our emotions. According to a 2019 study, “Meta-emotions are emotions that occur in response to other emotions (e.g., guilt about anger).” The researchers found that these emotional experiences can be categorized as –

    • Positive-positive (PP)
    • Positive-negative (PN)
    • Negative-positive (NP)
    • Negative-negative (NN)

    These are secondary or second-order emotions that arise from a core emotion which is already being experienced. Hence, a meta emotion can often result in an internal emotional conflict making us feel overwhelmed. However, this set of structured cognitions and emotions can be experienced for your own emotions and for the emotions of others. 

    Meta-emotions in daily life

    The concept of meta emotions shows that whenever we experience a core emotion, it is followed by subsequent emotions based on the experience of the primary emotion. These experiences can be long-term as well as short-term and can be felt in the course of our daily lives. 

    For instance, when watching a movie with your friends, you may feel sad about a particular character and may subconsciously start crying as you empathize with them. However, once the movie is over, you may feel uncomfortable and ashamed for crying while watching the film. This is what meta emotions look like in our normal daily life. 

    Related: Ekman’s 6 Basic Emotions and How They Affect Our Behavior

    Another common example of meta-emotional experiences is losing your temper, having an argument with someone and then feeling seriously guilty for the way you reacted and behaved with the other person. Here, you are aware of your anger, which is the primary emotion, and feel guilty for not being able to control it, which is the secondary emotion experienced after the primary emotion has already been felt. 

    meta-emotional experiences

    This reflective analysis of emotions is known as meta emotions – having feelings about feelings. “Meta-emotions – defined as emotions about one’s own emotions – contribute to the complexity of people’s psychic life by modifying the intensity and quality of their first-order emotions, and influencing their decisions and behavior,” explain researchers. 

    Meta emotions in human psychology

    The concept of meta emotion was originally introduced by John Gottman et al. (1996) while researching family therapy. It was observed that parents tend to be aware of their own emotions and the emotions of the children. According to American psychologist John M. Gottman, “We use the term meta-emotion broadly to encompass both feelings and thoughts about emotion, rather than in the more narrow sense of one’s feelings about feelings (e.g., feeling guilty about being angry).”

    Termed as “meta emotional philosophy”, it was found that parents have different thoughts and emotions regarding how they feel & about their children’s emotions. This strongly influences their emotions and behaviors in daily life. The concept has been explored and adopted further by experts in psychology and philosophy and has been applied widely in various subdisciplines, such as –

    • Personality psychology
    • Media psychology 
    • Decision making
    • Clinical psychology 

    Related: What Is The Wheel of Emotions And Why You Should Use It

    Meta emotion philosophy

    The initial research by Gottman et al. (1996) was primarily focused on parental awareness of their children’s emotional states and how they attempted to build emotional connections with their children. The research asserted parents’ philosophies about the concept of meta emotions can be evaluated by understanding – 

    • Awareness of parents about their children’s and their own emotions
    • Parents’ views and perspectives on whether negative emotions experienced by children can create an opportunity for teaching and emotional connection
    • Parents’ tendency to validate & label the emotions of their children
    • Parents’ tendency to help their children to solve problems in scenarios that cause negative emotions
    meta emotions

    “In general, parents seem to hold either an emotion coaching or emotion dismissing philosophy,” explain researchers. Parents with the meta emotion philosophy of emotion coaching see the negative emotions of their children as opportunities for building intimacy teaching/learning. They are highly aware of their and their children’s feelings, label & validate their emotions and help their children to deal with “emotionally arousing situations.”

    Related: 7 Tips To Help Kids Learn to Control Their Emotions

    However, parents with the meta emotion philosophy of emotion dismissing consider negative emotions in their children as damaging and detrimental. So they prefer to ignore and dismiss such negative emotions or at least change any difficult emotions that may be experienced by the children.

    When researching meta emotions, Gottman and his associates found that “parents’ meta-emotion philosophies influence the way in which children are socialized to experience and express emotions.” In comparison to children of parents with an emotion dismissing philosophy, children of parents with an emotion coaching philosophy tend to have –

    • Healthy psychosocial adjustment and peer relations
    • Better physiological and emotion regulation abilities
    • Fewer externalizing and internalizing symptoms
    • Higher self-esteem
    • Less physiological stress
    • Higher levels of academic achievement
    • Higher social competence and social skills
    • Engage in greater positive peer play

    Related: How To Encourage Kids To Talk About Emotions: Building Emotional Competence in Children

    How to identify meta emotions

    The best way to recognize your meta-emotions is to be honest with yourself and ask yourself targeted questions about the emotions you are experiencing at the moment. You ask yourself questions like –

    • What is the main reason I am feeling like this?
    • What event, experience or memory triggered this emotion?
    • What do I actually feel about this emotion?

    When you ask such questions to yourself, you will be able to gain more awareness and understanding about your feelings and will be able to identify if an emotion is a primary emotion or a secondary one.

    emotions

    4 Types of meta-emotions

    According to a 2017 study, meta emotion philosophy involves 4 distinct types of philosophies: 

    1. Emotion coaching 

    Parents with emotion coaching philosophy are attentive to the feelings of their children. They openly communicate to their children about what they are feeling, why such emotions have been elicited and how to cope with them.

    2. Laissez-faire

    Parents with this philosophy of meta emotions are aware of their children’s feelings and accept them as they are. However, they provide little support or guidance to the children who have to cope with the emotions mostly by themselves. 

    3. Emotion dismissing

    Parents with a dismissing philosophy believe that negative or difficult emotions are harmful and hence, the emotions of children must be minimized. 

    Related: Why Your Emotions Are Not “Things” In Your Brain

    4. Emotion disapproving 

    Parents with a disapproving meta emotions philosophy tend to actively disapprove, discourage and penalize their children for exhibiting emotions openly. 

    The researchers claim that “these philosophies can be treated categorically” but “using them as continuous was more precise.”

    Meta emotions in relationships

    Along with attachment styles, meta emotions in parents and how they respond to their children’s emotions play an important role in the development of children and their adult relationships. Meta-emotional experiences of our parents and our own have a close impact on our mindset, personality, behavior, actions and our relationships. It determines how we interact, communicate and connect with our parents, siblings, relatives, coworkers, friends and romantic partners.

    Emotions can make relationships complicated as different people can experience different emotions simultaneously. In a romantic relationship, while one partner may feel independent and satisfied, the other partner may feel neglected and anxious. This difference in meta-emotional experiences is known as meta-emotion mismatch.

    This mismatch can cause conflict, misunderstanding and clashes in relationships, especially between romantic partners. If your meta emotions are based on emotion coaching while your partner’s meta emotions have an emotion dismissing background, then your relationship is likely to be unhealthy, messy and chaotic. 

    meta emotions in relationships

    A person with an emotion coaching philosophy will be comfortable with different emotions and will likely be supportive of their partner, validating the emotions. They may also openly express their happiness, anxiety, disappointment, sadness and fear. 

    Related: How Negative Emotions Are Opportunities for Connection in Relationships

    On the contrary, a person with an emotion dismissing philosophy may have difficulty controlling their emotions and may suppress or hide from their emotions. Hence, they may be more reserved and withdrawn when it comes to expressing themselves.

    How to deal with meta emotions

    Can you feel your feelings? Are you wondering how to manage your meta emotions? If you are wondering how to deal with meta emotions and balance any “meta emotion mismatch” that may exist in your relationships, then here are few helpful ways to get started –

    1. Be reflective 

    Always make sure to be mindful of your emotions and acknowledge what you are feeling instead of avoiding them. The simplest way to do this is to pause and reflect. Simply calm your mind and reflect on any recent emotional experience and observe how it has affected your thoughts, mood and behavior. 

    Whatever emotion you may be feeling, especially if it is a negative emotion, be aware of it and pay your undivided attention to that feeling. Focus on your self-talk, accept your emotions honestly without trying to justify it and let it go when you are ready. You can also practice positive self-talk to be more kind, compassionate and gentle with yourself when experiencing negative emotions.

    2. Practice journaling

    journaling

    Maintaining a journal to keep a track of your emotions and moods can help you to better understand your emotions and meta emotions. Write down your thoughts and feelings in your mood journal on a daily basis and be as detailed as you want to be. Mood tracking journals can help you figure out what emotions you feel most and why you feel certain emotions more than others.

    Related: 12 Signs You’re Uncomfortable With Emotions And How To Accept Them

    It will also empower you to acknowledge your meta emotions while maintaining a record of your daily thoughts, feelings and mood. This can help you gain better insight and emotional control in future.

    3. Recognize meta emotion mismatch

    Identify any differences you may have with your partner when it comes to exhibiting or dealing with emotions. Be specific and aware, but make sure to be non-judgmental and accepting of whatever the reality may be. 

    4. Embrace each other’s emotions

    Put in the effort to acknowledge, embrace and honor one another’s emotions with a strong focus on building emotional connection and intimacy. Regardless of your particular meta emotion philosophy, both partners need to be willing, interested and curious to understand the emotional state of each other.

    Understand your feelings about feelings 

    meta emotions

    It is important that we understand our meta emotions as it will allow us to navigate through our career, relationships and life more smoothly and effectively. It is also an essential part of our self-awareness and personal growth process. It can help us to better control our emotions & reactions and lead to self-love & self-compassion when we accept our emotions. 

    Meta emotions can be very powerful and being aware of them, whether in yourself or others, can help you learn, transform and prosper in the long run. 

    Related: 8 Steps To Regulate Your Emotions When They Drive You Crazy

    What are meta emotions pinex
    What are meta emotions pin
  • 10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Immature And A Man-Child

    Are you dating an idiot? Have you ever wondered if your boyfriend is immature? Do you keep rolling your eyes and face-palming when out on a date? Read along to know about the signs of an immature boyfriend.

    Love is so stupid

    While I personally do not like using the word “idiot”, sometimes some men act so childishly, you just can’t help but wonder “Why is he such an idiot?” Although most of us tend to act a bit silly at times, dating an immature man-child can really test your patience and become somewhat annoying. 

    However, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t have a healthy, lasting relationship with your “idiot” boyfriend. After all, we all become a little stupid in love. 

    Are you dating an idiot?

    Realizing your boyfriend is immature months or even years after dating him can often come as a shock and make you wonder:

    “How could I have been so blind?”

    “Am I really dating an idiot?”

    “How did he survive so long without me?”

    “What was I even thinking?”

    Related: 12 Things He Will Do For You If He Truly Loves You

    Well, you weren’t thinking because you were in love. And love makes us all a little stupid. Sure dating a smart and intelligent man has its perks, like having deep, stimulating conversations, but having an idiot boyfriend who is genuine, caring and sweet isn’t that bad either. 

    What really matters is if your boyfriend has the traits and qualities you seek in a romantic partner and what they are willing to do to make up for their immature and idiotic behavior.

    But is your boyfriend really an idiot? Is he actually that immature? Let’s find out.

    10 Signs your boyfriend is immature

    Not sure if you are dating a man-child? Here are some of the most common signs of an immature boyfriend who is also an idiot –

    1. He doesn’t take responsibility for his life

    Smart people know how important it is to take responsibility for your own life. Immature men, however, tend to have a victim mentality and avoid taking responsibility. As a result, they are emotionally trapped in anxiety, unhappiness and misery. 

    They have trouble overcoming challenges and experience more failures than successes. This is one of the most basic man-child signs to look out for.

    2. He doesn’t plan about the future

    While being mindful and living in the present moment is a commendable trait, inability to prepare for the future is pure idiocy. Immature man-children don’t think ahead much other than wondering what’s for dinner. 

    They don’t have any goals or a vision for their future nor do they strategize how they will prosper professionally and personally in the coming few years. So if your boyfriend is unclear about what his future holds for him, then your boyfriend is immature.

    Related: 8 Ways A Guy Acts Around You When He Likes You And What It Means

    3. He is messy and sloppy

    This one goes hand in hand with his inability to take responsibility. He is a careless, inattentive and thoughtless individual who never cleans his own mess. He throws his clothes and “stuff” around the house and never picks up after himself. And in the end, it all comes down to you to clean all his mess for him. 

    Even though this is exhausting, you end up rationalizing his behavior. An immature man-child will always shift the responsibility of adulthood to people who put up with is idiotic behavior. 

    4. He is bad with money 

    You know your boyfriend is immature when he repeatedly makes excuses when it comes to paying bills and saving money. Only an idiot will have trouble planning his finances smartly and make excuses when it comes to paying off his debts and bills. 

    What’s worse, he even makes up silly stories when picking up the tab while on a date with you, such as he forgot his wallet or his credit card is not working. And once again, all the financial burden will once again fall on you – to pay off his debts, to pay the monthly bills and the checks on your dates.

    While a woman should financially support her partner when needed, you should not be an ATM in the relationship.

    Related: How to Get Your Boyfriend to Chase You Again

    signs of an immature boyfriend

    5. He uses the wrong words

    Does he say “bearchested” when he means “barechested”? Does he confuse “they’re” with “their”? Or does he say “accept” when he wants to mean “except”? Yup, you’ve got an idiot in your hands. 

    Your boyfriend is immature and an idiot if he has a poor vocabulary. While using simple words when communicating may be a sign of intelligence, having a limited vocabulary or not knowing what to say and when to say it is a sign of low intelligence. Using too much slang or saying “stuff” repeatedly to explain most things are red flags too. 

    6. He is too impulsive and spontaneous

    While being impulsive can be fun at times, acting without planning and being recklessly spontaneous all the time is a sure sign of immaturity. When your boyfriend is immature, he is incapable of analyzing or understanding what the consequences of his actions can be.

    While being impulsive may be an attractive trait in a teenage boy, it is not something we want to see in a responsible mature man. When someone is impulsive, they end up doing stupid “stuff” frequently, like cheating on you with another girl or spending too much money without thinking. As you can figure, this can spell doom for your relationship. 

    7. He never listens 

    Do you feel like talking to a wall every time you interact with him? Is he inattentive and gets easily distracted when you speak? If your relationship lacks depth in communication, then sadly, your boyfriend is immature. 

    An idiotic and immature man-child will have trouble actively listening to his partner even when he wants to. As his mind becomes overloaded with new information, he will start to “zone out” because his thoughts will start to wander.

    Related: 5 Things To Do When Your Boyfriend Keeps Breaking Promises

    8. He is incapable of meaningful conversations

    It makes sense since he is not really a good listener and zones out rapidly. And this is the reason why he tends to avoid conversations on serious or deep topics. Due to his immaturity, he may simply be unable to deal with serious issues and so he makes the tone of the conversation lighter by changing the topic or making silly jokes. 

    However, when forced to have a serious confrontation, the man-child may become defensive and blame you instead or simply ignore you. While it doesn’t necessarily mean that your boyfriend is toxic or narcissistic, it does mean that he lacks the maturity and responsibility to hold a serious conversation and pay attention to what you are saying. This is definitely one of the signs your boyfriend is immature.

    Signs you are dating an idiot

    9. He is afraid of commitment

    While there may be various reasons why someone may be afraid of commitment, such as adverse childhood experiences, toxic relationships in the past or an actual phobia of commitment (I am not making this up, Google ‘gamophobia’), an immature man-child will likely panic and run away whenever you bring up the topic of marriage or your future together.

    Yes, we are all afraid of ending up with the wrong person. All those stories of failed marriages and divorces make us petrified when thinking about getting married. Granted relationship anxiety can make it difficult to make such crucial decisions. But when he avoids talking about marriage, kids, home or even pets, even after being together for years, then your boyfriend is immature and downright an idiot. 

    Honestly and openly talking to him about this can help you resolve this issue, only if you can get him to listen and have this conversation. 

    10. He is gullible and easily influenced

    Is your boyfriend a naïve man who is easily deceived, tricked and influenced by others? When you are dating an immature man-child, you will find your partner easily falling for scams repeatedly. As he doesn’t think rationally or logically and behaves impulsively and spontaneously, he trusts others easily and willingly. So he is quickly influenced by everyone and anyone. 

    Related: 5 Things To Do If Your Boyfriend ‘Forgot’ Valentine’s Day

    Immature and idiotic men lack a strong personality which makes them vulnerable to manipulation and scams. They are unable to identify scammers and become prey to toxic manipulations every time. Even when he is not falling for scammers, he will become influenced by celebrities and try to dress and act like them. 

    So if he seems a little too obsessed with certain celebrities, then it might mean that your boyfriend is immature.

    Are you looking for more signs you are dating an idiot?

    10 More ways to know you’re dating an idiot

    Still wondering how to know you are dating an immature guy? Here are some more signs your boyfriend is immature –

    He lacks self-awareness and never learns from his mistakes 

    He thinks he is very mature and intelligent even though that’s not the case

    He never admits when he doesn’t know about a particular topic

    He is not very curious about things, uninterested in learning new things and willingly stays ignorant

    He is highly prone to accidents and ends up getting physically hurt frequently

    He often gets into trouble due to his idiotic and immature behavior

    He often dresses down and prefers to dress casually even for important events

    He unknowingly tends to mansplain everything to you

    He acts like a teenager when he is around his friends

    He tries to convince you to participate in stupid activities with him

    He has been referred to as immature and an idiot by others multiple times

    He has to be asked to do something several times before he actually gets it done

    Can you identify these signs in your boyfriend? Are you telling yourself “my boyfriend is immature”? Well, it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

    boyfriend is immature

    Immature, but loving

    Granted your boyfriend is immature, but that doesn’t mean he is not a caring individual who loves you a lot. While some of us do feel attracted to intelligence, I believe trust, respect, loyalty, empathy, understanding and kindness are more important for a successful and lasting relationship. 

    Yes, being with an immature man-child can be annoying, but by being empathic and kind with your partner you can help him become more self-aware and mature eventually.

    So don’t lose hope just yet. Identifying the signs your boyfriend is immature is the first step to building a better relationship. Be supportive and help him become more emotionally intelligent if you see a future with him.

    After all, love is more important than being smart. Or is it?

    Related: 11 Reasons Why Trust Is More Important Than Love In A Relationship

    boyfriend is immature Man Child pin
    boyfriend is immature pin
  • What Is Anticipatory Anxiety And How To Stop Worrying About The Future

    Do you constantly worry about the future? Do you stay up all night before a big meeting? Do you think of every probable future outcome because you worry too much? Then you just might be struggling with anticipatory anxiety.

    While most of us feel a bit worried about the future or get nervous before an event, like an interview, experiencing intense degrees of anticipatory anxiety can adversely affect our daily functioning and our ability to live a healthy, happy life. 

    What is anticipatory anxiety?

    Anticipatory anxiety is simply excessive or uncontrollable worry about the future or an upcoming event. A form of anxiety disorder, it refers to our worry and fear that catastrophic or terrible things may happen to us or our loved ones in the future. While one can experience such anxiety in different scenarios, it mostly occurs when we are unable to control or predict a future outcome. Although such thoughts and worries are typically normal, when it turns into overwhelming fear and impairs your daily functioning, it can be a sign of anticipatory anxiety.

    Anticipatory anxiety is a feeling of heightened anxiety, fear, apprehension and dread in anticipation of a negative experience in future. It is “a complex combination of a future-oriented cognitive state, negative affect, and autonomic arousal,” explain researchers. Individuals suffering from this form of anxiety often rehearse negative outcomes in their mind, even when it is not likely to happen. 

    Related: What Is Anxiety? 19 Signs, Causes, Self-Help Tips, FAQs

    anxiety

    Some people may feel stressed and anxious for weeks before a future event. They may even feel extremely stressed when making an important decision. Their fight-flight-freeze system might become highly active and they may feel extremely nervous or have an anxiety attack or panic attack weeks, days or hours before the event. Having cold feet before marriage is perhaps the most common anticipatory anxiety example. However, anticipatory anxiety is a natural reaction to perceived threats in the future. 

    How anticipatory anxiety feels like

    Do you keep making up “What If…?” scenarios in your mind?
    What if my partner leaves me?
    What if I get fired?
    What if I fail my exams?

    When we start thinking in terms of “What If…?”, we become hyperfocused on only the negative outcomes, which leads to heightened anxiety. It can rob us of the present moment and adversely affect our ability to be our best self by filling us up with unnecessary fear and doubt. 

    Although it is not a separate mental disorder, anticipatory anxiety is closely associated with social anxiety disorder and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). It is also one of the most common symptoms for panic disorder. “Panic attacks and anticipatory anxiety are considered to be inter-correlated,” suggests a study. To put it simply, it is feeling anxious about having anxiety. It occurs when we have uncontrollable, intrusive thoughts about how possible negative future situations can trigger our anxiety. 

    The experience can be either chronic or situational. If you are continually worried about your future, then it is of the chronic type. But if you are worried about an upcoming date or job interview and how it can go downwards, then it is mostly of the situational variety. Regardless, this form of anxiety can be triggered by both major and minor upcoming events, such as giving an important presentation to clients or parking your car properly without hitting another car. 

    Related: How to Reclaim Your Power Absorbed by Anxiety: 5 Ways

    A person can feel anticipatory anxiety about probable future events, such as –

    • Job interviews
    • A social event
    • A date or marriage
    • Presentations or meetings at the work place
    • Tournaments, competitions or performances 
    • Divorce, break ups or relationship breakdowns
    • The loss of a loved one
    • Being harassed, abused, threatened or attacked by someone
    • Natural disasters

    It can feel extremely exhausting for the sufferer as episodes can sustain for months before an upcoming event. As they are more concerned about what they believe will happen than what may actually happen, these catastrophic and negative thoughts can cause a lot of distress, discomfort and frustration. 

    anxiety disorder

    Signs of anticipatory anxiety 

    If you spend a lot of your time thinking about worst-case scenarios, then it is undoubtedly a sign of anticipatory anxiety. When you are unable to control these unwanted thoughts, then it can leave you feeling hopeless, helpless and frustrated. People who experience the symptoms are often struggling with some form of anxiety disorder that can vary in symptoms, duration and severity. 

    Here are some of the most common signs and symptoms of anticipatory anxiety –

    1. Intense feelings of fear, dread & apprehension
    2. Intrusive, irrational thoughts
    3. Constantly expecting bad outcomes in the future
    4. Being distracted easily
    5. Trouble concentrating
    6. Being overly pessimistic and looking for signs of threat or danger
    7. Difficulty managing mood and regulating emotions
    8. Being restless, irritable, jumpy or tense
    9. Loss of appetite and sleep (insomnia)
    10. Nausea and fatigue
    11. Muscle aches and tension
    12. Loss of interest in enjoyable activities
    13. Headaches, twitches, tremors and sweating
    14. Shortness of breath and heart palpitations
    15. Upset stomach or diarrhea and repeated urination
    16. Emotional numbness
    17. Rumination

    Anticipatory anxiety can drastically limit our ability to live a happy life as we become focused on avoiding our fear and anxieties. 

    Related: Causes Of Mental Health Issues: 6 Common Risk Factors, According To Science

    Causes of anticipatory anxiety

    The exact causes of this form of anxiety have still not been clearly understood by experts. However, it can develop due to a combination of different factors, such as –

    1. Genetic predisposition

    Studies have found that anxiety disorders can be inherited as they are strongly influenced by genetics. So if a first degree family member suffers from anxiety then it is likely that you may develop it too. 

    2. Underlying mental illness

    Struggling with other mental health issues, such as major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder or specific phobias can make someone vulnerable to developing anticipatory anxiety.

    3. Medical illnesses 

    Certain medical conditions or diseases, like thyroid disorders or heart conditions can lead to anxiety disorders and anticipatory anxiety about the future.

    4. Medications and drugs

    Some medications can result in anxiety as a side effect. Moreover, certain recreational drugs and alcohol can also lead to anxiety disorders. In fact, withdrawal from medications or drugs can also be a risk factor. 

    5. Trauma 

    Traumatic life experiences, such as childhood abuse, loss of a loved one or experiencing high levels of stress can trigger the onset of anxiety. 

    Related: 10 Anxious Behaviors That Could Actually Be Trauma Responses

    anticipatory anxiety

    Coping with anticipatory anxiety

    Wondering how to deal with anticipatory anxiety? Here are a few helpful strategies to feel less stressed and anxious about your future:

    1. Challenge your thoughts 

    Thoughts are just that… thoughts. They are not your reality. So instead of believing everything your mind conjures up, question your anxious thoughts. Ask yourself – are your fears realistic? What are the chances of the worst-case scenario occurring? Are you being overly pessimistic instead of having a balanced mindset?

    Questioning your anxiety will help stop catastrophizing future events in your head, and help you become more realistic. It will also enable you to calm your thoughts and shift your focus to the present moment. 

    2. Reframe your thoughts 

    One of the simplest ways for overcoming anticipatory anxiety is refocusing your thoughts and shifting your mindset. Gain a new perspective and change how you see situations that trigger your anxiety. Consciously change your train of thought when anxious thoughts begin to arise. Intentionally think about the positive things that may occur at an upcoming event, instead of delving into the negative. 

    3. Initiate action

    Thanks to anticipatory anxiety, we often avoid, hide and run away from situations and experiences that trigger our anxiety. This can make us miss out on opportunities and delay doing important tasks. This can further add to our stress and anxiety and make us dread our future even more. 

    Related: 33 Lies Your Anxiety Tells You

    coping with anticipatory anxiety

    This is why it is important to take action and take control of the feared situation. Once you have dealt with the situation, you will not have to worry about it. So address your fears instead of running from it.

    4. Practice relaxation and grounding techniques

    Whenever anxiety takes over your mind, be deliberate about relaxing your mind and calming down. There are several relaxation and grounding techniques that can help you cope with anticipatory anxiety. Some of the most effective relaxation techniques that you should try include –

    • Deep breathing
    • Guided meditation
    • Progressive muscle relaxation
    • Guided visual imagery

    Grounding techniques can also help you shift your focus away from anxious thoughts and bring it back to the present moment. Grounding exercises can be practiced anywhere and anytime to  reduce anxiety. Some of the most common grounding techniques you can try include –

    • Rubbing your palms together
    • Clenching your fists and releasing them
    • Stretching or exercising your body
    • Focusing on your breath
    • Taking a hot or cold shower
    • Touching some objects nearby
    • Savoring a meal or a drink
    • Enjoying a familiar scent
    • Imaging being with a loved one
    • Listening to music or watching a movie
    • Thinking about numbers
    • Spelling backwards

    5. Consult a therapist

    Therapy is often the most realistic and helpful way of coping with anxiety. When you work with a therapist, they can help you identify your triggers, understand the causes and develop a treatment plan that can lead to complete recovery over time. 

    Some common therapy techniques for dealing with anticipatory anxiety may include –

    • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) 
    • Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)
    • Exposure therapy
    • Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)
    • Panic-focused psychodynamic psychotherapy (PFPP)

    Studies have found that “CBT appears to be both efficacious and effective in the treatment of anxiety disorders.”

    Related: 10 Surprisingly Effective Natural Remedies for Anxiety

    how to stop anticipatory anxiety

    How to stop anticipatory anxiety: 15 Ways

    Apart from the helpful strategies mentioned above, here are some other quick tips to help you overcome the symptoms of anticipatory anxiety –

    1. Acknowledge your anxiety and let it go instead if holding on to it
    2. Shift your focus to the positive aspects of the upcoming event
    3. Gather more information about the feared situation or experience to have a more realistic view
    4. Avoid isolating yourself and sitting & worrying. Socialize more often with positive people
    5. Observe how you talk to yourself and practice positive self-talk
    6. Maintain a daily journal to release your anxious thoughts
    7. Practice gratitude by listing down all the things you are thankful for
    8. Talk openly and honestly with a trusted loved one about your issues
    9. Make sure to meet your basic needs, follow a healthy diet and get adequate sleep
    10. Avoid taking recreational drugs & alcohol, smoking cigarettes or consuming excessive caffeine & sugar
    11. Make sure to remain physically active and exercise regularly
    12. Practice self-love, self-care and self-compassion
    13. Practice Yoga
    14. Practice mindfulness and bring your awareness to the present moment
    15. Take a walk outside and spend some time in nature

    Takeaway 

    Nobody knows how the future is going to unfold and that can surely be scary for most of us. While being a little worried about the future is natural, being engulfed by anticipatory anxiety can actually impair your daily functioning. 

    However, practicing the above mentioned self-help strategies, seeking therapy and being kind to yourself can help you overcome the symptoms and build a better life for yourself. 

    Related: 25 Quick Ways To Boost Your Mood When You’re Having A Bad Day

    Anticipatory Anxiety pinex
    Anticipatory Anxiety pin
  • How To Wake Up Refreshed And Rested: 5 Tips That Actually Work

    Ah, sweet, sweet sleep. But then the ear piercing alarm rings and you drag yourself out of bed. You sit on your bed, still half-asleep, feeling frustrated, groggy and exhausted. That’s not how waking up from sleep is supposed to feel like, right? So how to wake up refreshed and well rested?

    how to wake up refreshed

    We all want a good night’s sleep after a long stressful day of work, responsibilities and socializing. Sadly, the stressors of the day keep churning inside our heads as we try to drift off to dreamland. So instead of getting restful sleep, we keep tossing and turning all night and eventually when it’s time to wake up, we feel tired, annoyed and grumpy. This affects our mindset, emotions and mood early in the morning which we carry into the day.

    So how to wake up well rested and refreshed so that you can take on your day with full energy, enthusiasm and passion? Read on. 

    5 Ways to wake up rested and refreshed 

    Do you keep dragging yourself out of your bed every morning? Wondering how to wake up refreshed and not tired? Here are a few tips to sleep better and wake up refreshed and energized –

    1. Practice better sleeping habits

    If you want to wake up rested then it is important that you adopt certain habits to improve your sleep health. Start by being serious about your sleeping habits and making commitments for better sleep hygiene. You can share your commitment for healthier sleeping behavior with your loved ones to be more accountable. 

    Decide on a bedtime routine and practice it regularly. Having a consistent bedtime routine will help you relax and calm down before sleep every night. It is also important that you have a consistent sleep and wake up time that you can follow on weekdays and weekends. While you can sleep a little longer on weekends, an average of 7-8 hours of sleep on a daily basis is required daily. This is very important to remember when trying to find out how to wake up refreshed.

    Related: Warning Night Owls: Is Staying Up Late At Night Bad For Your Mental Health?

    2. Keep your bedroom relaxing and sleep-friendly

    Do you keep staring at that phone even when you are all tucked in under your warm blanket? And then you wonder why you can’t wake up rested and refreshed? We all know what that blue light from our smartphone screen does to our eyes and sleep, still for some reason we (including me) keep scrolling through our phone even at bedtime. So if you want a good night’s sleep, you have to put that phone down, my friend.

    Sleep inertia

    Having a healthy sleep environment is crucial for REM sleep. Here are a few tips to get started –

    • Keep you room dark when going to bed by using heavy curtains
    • Place your bed away from the window
    • Make sure to use an eye mask if light pollution keeps you up or sunlight wakes you up early
    • Keep your bedroom quiet and using ambient sounds or white noises to counter outside noises
    • Turn off your phone or put it on flight mode or do not disturb setting before going to bed
    • Avoid using any gadgets or devices in bed, like watching TV or working on your laptop
    • Make sure your room has a comfortable temperature that make you feel relaxed

    Having a sleep friendly environment in your bedroom will promote better sleep and help you in waking up refreshed and energized. 

    Related: How Screen Time Affects Quality Of Sleep And Overall Health of Young Adults

    3. Keep the alarm out of reach and DO NOT hit the snooze button

    Still wondering how to wake up refreshed? Then let’s talk about the main problem here. If you are like me, the moment the alarm sounds it is likely that you hit the snooze button and fall back to sleep. “Just 5 more minutes,” – you tell yourself. And that is perhaps the main reason why you wake up grumpy and groggy. 

    Known as drockling, hitting the snooze button in the morning after your alarm goes off can disrupt your REM sleep (a restorative state) and make it difficult for you to wake up. When the alarm typically rings, we are at the end of our REM sleep and it becomes easier for us to wake up. But drockling makes us go back to sleep and re-enter the REM cycle. This makes us feel disoriented, confused and groggy. 

    how to wake up refreshed and not tired

    While you may think 5-10 minutes of extra sleep can make you feel better, it is simply not enough to get back to a restorative sleep state. However, the disruption boosts your heartbeat and blood pressure. So if you want to wake up well rested avoid hitting that snooze button. Drockling is harmful as it can confuse your internal body clock and completely screw up your morning routine.

    One of the best ways to stop hitting the snooze button is to keep your alarm away from your bed. Why? Because you have to get out of the bed to turn off the alarm or hit the snooze button (if you want to). However, the moment you are out of your bed and up on your feet, it will be a lot easier for you to avoid drockling and simply wake up feeling refreshed.

    Related: What Is Body Clock? 12 Ways It Affects Our Health

    4. Get some sunlight

    While you should keep your room dark when sleeping, make sure to pull back your blinds and curtains and let some sunlight in the moment you wake up. This is how to wake up refreshed. 

    Exposure to natural light helps to reset our body’s biological clock (circadian rhythm) which can make you feel more alert and awake. Sunlight exposure in the morning can also help to increase the levels of serotonin in your body and suppress melatonin, increasing your wakefulness.

    sleep disorders

    Studies have found that light has a strong impact on sleep and wakefulness. So if you are unable to access natural light in the morning, being in front of a light box for a brief period of time can also do the trick and make you feel refreshed immediately after you wake up. Light sends messages to your brain that it’s time to wake up and be stimulated which makes you feel energetic and alert.

    Related: 13 Terrifying Health Effects of Sleep Deprivation

    5. Seek medical help 

    Sleep inertia is a physiological state that causes cognitive impairment, drowsiness, disorientation, grogginess and reduced sensory-motor performance & vigilance, immediately after waking up. One 2019 study explains “Sleep inertia, or the grogginess felt upon awakening, is associated with significant cognitive performance decrements that dissipate as time awake increases.”

    While most of us feel a bit frustrated after waking up, sleep inertia can be a serious problem in the long run if not treated properly. It makes us want to go back to sleep right after we wake up and the effects can last for hours. It can adversely affect our decision-making, reaction times and daily functioning like driving.

    While sleep inertia usually lasts only for one hour, if your symptoms last longer than that and causes extreme daytime sleepiness, along with confusion, trouble communicating clearly, difficulty in understanding others and a loss of coordination, then it might be a good idea to consult a medical professional.

    When wondering how to wake up refreshed, seeing a healthcare professional can be really beneficial. A doctor can also help you identify if there are any underlying sleep disorders like obstructive sleep apnea, delayed sleep-wake phase sleep disorder or insomnia that are affecting your sleep wake cycle. 

    how to wake up refreshed and not tired

    Seeking proper medical diagnosis and treatment for any underlying sleep disorder or sleep inertia can make it easier for you to wake up early in the morning feeling refreshed and well rested. 

    Related: Health Benefits Of Darkness: 4 Reasons Why You Should Sleep In The Dark, Not With The Lights On

    Tips to sleep better

    Apart from the strategies mentioned above, there are some other self-help tips that can help to promote sleep and feel well-rested in the mornings. Here are some more quick sleep hacks to wake up refreshed when you keep asking yourself how to wake up refreshed and well rested –

    • Try meditating for 10 minutes before going to sleep or after waking up 
    • Avoid late night snacks or heavy meals before going to bed
    • Limit your caffeine and nicotine consumption before bedtime
    • Avoid alcohol before sleep even if it may help you feel sleepy
    • Use a comfortable pillow and mattress
    • Get a blanket that covers your entire body and makes you feel comfortable
    • Don’t lie or toss around your bed if you can’t sleep. Lie down only when you feel sleepy
    • Drink water immediately after you wake up in the morning to rehydrate your body
    • Be physically active, stretch and exercise in the morning 
    • Drink a caffeinated beverage such as a cup of coffee or tea
    • Eat a healthy protein rich breakfast
    • Make your bed promptly after waking up to have a sense of accomplishment
    • Take a cold shower or wash your face with some cold water
    • Play some upbeat music that can help you get into a positive mood
    • Try aromatherapy or essential oils to stimulate and awaken your brain & senses
    • Gently pull your hair to promote blood flow in your scalp and wake up easier
    • Maintain a daily sleep diary to better assess your sleeping habits and behavior
    wake up rested

    Follow these tips to get better sleep and wake up well rested every morning. However, if your issues still persist, consulting a medical professional can be helpful as certain underlying conditions can impair your sleep quality and daily functioning.

    So turn off your devices, turn off the lights, calm your mind and head off to dreamland.

    Good night!

    Related: 5 Helpful Tips For A Good Night’s Sleep

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    How to wake up well and rested pinex
  • 10 Examples Of Manipulation In Relationships

    Your relationship is supposed to be your safe haven, a space where you will feel secure, safe, and happy. But when you are with a manipulative person, that’s a distant and impossible dream. This post is all about how manipulators function and examples of manipulation in relationships.




    The problem is, most of the time it is difficult to understand that you are being manipulated because this is someone you love and trust. Even thinking that they would use manipulative statements on you is unfathomable. But unfortunately, if you are indeed in a toxic relationship, you need to know and understand the things manipulators say and how manipulative language works.

    This doesn’t mean you are stupid or a bad person for doubting the person you love, it simply means that you treating yourself with love and respect. And no matter how much you may love someone, this is equally important



    Some manipulative phrases are very in-your-face and these are the ones that are very glaring and easily understandable. On the other hand, there are some phrases manipulators use that are very, very subtle and might not even seem like manipulation, but are equally problematic like the former, if not more.

    So, how to spot manipulation in relationships? Let’s find out some examples of manipulative statements.

    Related: 10 Signs Of Romantic Manipulation




    10 Examples Of Manipulation In Relationships : Manipulative Statements that are not just hurtful but can make relationships toxic.

    1. “You always overreact to everything!”

    Never in history has this line been able to stop a conflict and calm things down, rather it has made things far worse. This might seem like a really harmless statement to make in the heat of the moment, but it is actually one of the most manipulative sentences there is.

    When your partner knows all your weak points and emotional triggers, they use this manipulative statement to trigger you even more, so that they get to have the upper hand during the argument. And naturally, when you hear this line, you tend to get even more upset and you feel more outraged and humiliated.

    examples of manipulation in relationships

    2. “Why are you making things up? This never happened!”

    This is one of the most manipulative things to say in a relationship, and arguably one of the worst. When your partner questions your reality and pretends as if you are making things up, or you don’t “remember what actually happened”, they are making you question your sanity, which is also known as gaslighting.

    Making someone doubt themselves while they are hurting is one of the worst things you can do to someone. So, when your scheming partner behaves as if they are innocent and there’s something wrong with your memory, know that they’re manipulating you.

    3. The silent treatment.

    The silent treatment is a very good excuse for manipulators to torment and abuse you. They might tell you that they don’t want to talk to you for a while because they want to “decompress” and “need some space”, but all they are doing is punishing you.

    This is one of the biggest signs of manipulation in relationships. The manipulator knows that the silence and distance will drive you crazy, and even though you’re not at fault you’ll be the one to apologize to them and give in.




    All you want is for them to speak to you and in order to do that, you are willing to emotionally overcompensate for them. And when they finally turn up, you will be grateful for their forgiveness, and you will resolve never to say or do anything that made them “distant” from you.

    Related: What Is Dark Psychology: 10 Most Common Techniques and Tactics of Manipulation

    4. “Do you always have to be so dramatic?”

    Another classic example of verbal manipulation, and one which can really make you question yourself and your feelings. When your partner does something that really upset you or hurts you, and you express that to them, they quickly turn the tables and accuse you of being a drama queen.

    A manipulator hates it when you see through their bull**** and question their behavior, and that’s why they resort to this tactic. They’re willing to portray you as crazy, just so they can save their own skin and continue to have the upper hand.

    5. “You are the reason I’m behaving this way.”

    If your partner makes a statement like this, then you should run and never look back. This is one of the most common things manipulators say and is probably the most dangerous one too, in my opinion.

    When they hold you accountable for their bad behavior, that is when you know that they are really, really, toxic people. By putting the blame on you, they are trying to justify their bad behavior.

    Saying things like, “You made me upset, that’s why I didn’t pick up your calls”, or “I saw you speaking to your male colleague, and that’s why I flirted with a couple of women in the club”, are classic examples of manipulation in relationships.




    6. “You need to change how you think and feel.”

    Of course, it’s your fault and you should be the one to change how YOU REACT to their manipulation and toxicity. This is just another way to dump all the blame on you, instead of taking accountability for their harmful actions.

    When you are in a relationship with a manipulative person, your feelings, opinions, and boundaries don’t matter; only theirs do. All they care about is gaslighting you and making you believe that you are the problem in the relationship, not them.

    They know that the only way they will be able to get their needs met is by brainwashing you to believe that you are the toxic person in the relationship who needs to change and they are the ever-hapless victim.

    examples of manipulation in relationships

    7. “Your friends are a bad influence on you and our relationship.”

    Your friends are probably the only people in your life who know what’s REALLY going on in your relationship, and what kind of a person your partner is. So naturally, your partner is going to have a problem with them and will hate the important place your friends have in your life.

    Your partner sees your friends as a threat to their perfect plan of manipulating and gaslighting you, and so they will try their best to create misunderstandings between you all, and finally isolate you. The only close person in your life will be your manipulative partner, and without your friends to look out for you, they’ll be able to carry on their psychological and emotional abuse, without any disruptions.




    Related: 5 Types Of Psychological Manipulation And How To Deal With Them

    8. “I don’t want to talk to you/ We don’t have to talk about this.”

    This is one of the more subtle manipulative phrases in a relationship, but very toxic nonetheless. When the manipulator realizes that you’re trying to hold them accountable for their actions and you just don’t buy their lies and stories, they resort to avoiding you and any sort of conversation.

    They will do anything and everything to avoid having a serious conversation with you, and if you insist, they will instantly play the victim. They will say things like, “I had a really hard day today. I just wanted to come home and relax a bit but you just won’t let that happen.”, or “I won’t talk about this just because you want me to.”

    9. “If you feel like this, you need to deal with it. It’s not my fault you feel this way.”

    Another classic blame-shifting tactic. They know what they have done, and they know how much it has hurt you, but they will never take responsibility for it. Not even for a second. The moment you question them, they will make you feel guilty for feeling bad in the first place.

    They hate it if you question their behavior or doubt them in any way, so they simply expect you to change how you think and feel, and just suck it up. No matter how badly they hurt you, they will not do anything to make things better; they will simply expect you to deal with your pain alone.

    10. “I will apologize if you…”

    A genuine apology never comes with strings, and if your partner apologizes and then tries to justify their behavior, then they don’t regret their behavior at all. The apology they’re giving you is a fake one. If they try to blame you in any way for their behavior, they are not apologizing to you, they are manipulating you.



    When you are in a manipulative relationship, this is a common occurrence. If they genuinely understood their mistake and wanted to change for the better, they wouldn’t try to shift the blame on you. They would simply apologize and try to not make that mistake again.

    Related: 7 Subtle Signs Of Emotional Manipulation That Are Hard To Identify

    How To Deal With Manipulation In Relationships

    1. Set strong boundaries.

    This is one of the best things you can do when it comes to dealing with manipulation in relationships. Setting strong personal boundaries will keep negativity and manipulation out of your life, and will clearly give off the message that you know your worth and you are not somebody to be messed with.

    No matter how much fun you might have together, knowing when to keep them out of your life, and knowing when to draw the line will keep them on their toes and wary of you. This way, they will never be able to exploit your weaknesses.

    examples of manipulation in relationships

    2. Call them out whenever you suspect they’re trying to play you.

    One of the best ways to respond to manipulative phrases is by calling them out directly and without mincing your words. When you show a manipulator that you can see right through them, they will be forced to backtrack.

    Don’t be scared of conflict because the more respect you give and try to let things go, the more they will try to play you. So whenever you feel like something is up, don’t beat around the bush and get straight to the point.


    3. Go all “Gray Rock” on them.

    The Gray Rock method means you go all silent on your manipulator when you realize the games they were playing with you. You cut off all contact and stay away from them, and no matter how many times they call you or text you, you don’t respond.

    Gray Rock is one of the best things you can do when it comes to handling people like them. No matter what they tell you, or how many times they apologize, don’t trust them; be very very wary of them during this phase because they will pull out all stops to get in your good books.

    Hold your ground, stand strong, and have faith in yourself. Don’t let them in and show them that they messed with the wrong person.

    Related: “I’m Sorry, But…” 5 Signs Of A Manipulative Apology



    4. Lean on your loved ones for support and advice.

    Dealing with manipulation and abuse can take a lot out of you, but you don’t have to go through this alone. When things seem very disheartening or when you feel like you can’t do this anymore, don’t hesitate to lean on your close ones for love and support.

    Listen to what they have to say, and take their advice because, at the end of the day, they love you and only want the best for you. Just because you are on the other end of manipulation and abuse, that does not mean you can’t seek love and help from your loved ones.

    If you ever have been manipulated and exploited by someone you love, then please don’t think that it’s your fault. Always remember that you’re not the problem, they are. Love yourself, be kind to yourself, and most importantly, give yourself the time and patience to deal with this and move on.

    Let us know your thoughts in the comments down below!

    Want to know more examples of manipulation in relationships? Check this video out below!

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    Examples Of Manipulation In Relationships pin
  • 5 Signs You’re Clinging To Toxic Hope

    Toxic hope is part of what keeps us stuck in bad situations because these are the stories we tell ourselves or choose to believe that keep us from confronting what we usually know to be real and true deep down. Today, I’d like to discuss toxic hope and its relation to gaslighting. There’s an interesting connection there, and I’ll also leave you with five ways to tell if your hope is toxic because it isn’t always obvious. Let’s get started.




    I have a lot of experience with toxic hope because I felt like I had layers of toxic hope when I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. There were a lot of things I clung to, but there was a disconnect deep down.

    I knew there was a gap, and I clung to toxic hope, but I wouldn’t admit it to myself. So, what is the connection between toxic hope and gaslighting? True, malicious gaslighting is a complex issue, and toxic hope isn’t always a star player. However, there are times when we are aware of the truth but choose to suppress it.



    Related: 5 Reasons You Might Be Holding On To A Toxic Relationship

    Gaslighting

    We cling to the hope that what the other person is saying is true in these times. Toxic hope is suppressing what you know to be true by overriding it with what this person is telling you is correct. If you’re telling yourself the same story the other person is telling you but forcing yourself to believe it, this is a form of gaslighting.

    One sign is that you won’t tell anyone else. Why? Because you’re well aware that it doesn’t make sense. You can act as if it makes sense to you. You can pretend in your head that it makes sense. You can gloss over the stuff that doesn’t add up, but when you tell it to someone else, they’ll ask questions, and it’ll fall apart quickly.




    Toxic hope

    Spiritual Bypassing

    Another way we see toxic hope is through spirituality or spiritual bypassing, which means using spiritual concepts to help you believe this person’s story, or that they are going to change. It gives you hope that there is someone or something out there that can save them.

    Perhaps you believe this person is your twin flame. I’m not denying that soulmates and twin flames exist, but I will say that I am convinced that many people cling to those concepts to justify the bad behavior of others. It provides them with false hope because if this person is my twin flame or soulmate, and we are truly meant to be together one day, they will have that realization and catch up with me.

    I see it all the time. I’ve seen people put up with bad behavior because they believe the person is their twin flame or soulmate. That, too, is a form of toxic hope.

    If you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship and aren’t sure whether you have reason to hope or if your hope is toxic, I’d like to give you some indicators to help you self-reflect.

    Nothing I can say will convince you that your hope is poisonous. That is highly personal, and only you will be aware of it. I can’t tell you if you relate to a particular sign that your hope is toxic and you need to end the relationship. That’s not for me to say, but I’m hoping that these signs will prompt you to reflect and figure out what’s going on in your own life.

    Related: Fantasy Bond: Loving The Person You Hope They’ll Become




    5 Signs You’re Clinging To Toxic Hope

    1. This isn’t your First Time

    If this isn’t your first rodeo, that may be a sign that your hope is toxic. You’ve been here before. Perhaps you, like me, have had layers of toxic hope throughout the relationship. But what’s really going on behind the scenes is that you keep hoping for change that never comes.

    You may see glimmers of hope, small things to which you can cling – “This was an improvement, to be sure. There have been some small changes. Maybe we’re making progress.” But if you look at where you are now and where you were when you first realized that there are some issues in the relationship, but there’s been no significant progress over a reasonable amount of time, then your hope is probably toxic.

    2. You Feel Uncomfortable when Challenged

    Another sign that you may be dealing with toxic hope is that you feel uncomfortable when someone challenges what you’re hoping for. Let’s say you believe the gaslighter’s lies about reality, and you know deep down that they don’t make sense, but you won’t admit it to yourself. Maybe you’re discussing it with someone else and start talking about what you believe and hope is true, and the person pokes holes in it.

    They may say, “Yeah, but what about this? Or this part doesn’t make much sense. Could you please explain? Did you ask this question to this person?” If they start poking holes in your story and you get very uncomfortable or angry, it’s a good sign that your hope is toxic. There’s no reason to be uncomfortable or angry if you’re truly confident in your position and beliefs.

    Toxic hope

    3. You Have a Nagging Feeling

    The third sign that your hope is toxic is that you have a nagging feeling: “What if I’m wrong? What if this is incorrect? What if this person is lying?” It can come on suddenly. Maybe you’re only aware of it once in a while.

    It’s just a feeling of unease, and it keeps coming up. You replay that toxic hopeful story in your head and try to suppress it, but there’s this nagging feeling that something isn’t right.

    Related: Why Optimistic Women Stay Trapped In Toxic Relationships




    4. You Deflect Responsibility

    The fourth sign that your hope is toxic is that it takes responsibility away from the person who should bear it. Self-reflection is essential when it comes to all of these warning signs.

    If you find yourself taking responsibility away from the other person and putting it onto yourself, someone else, or even a higher power – “It’s up to God to correct this,” it’s a sign that something isn’t quite right.

    5. They Blame You

    The fifth sign that your hope is toxic is a major red flag: If the person you’re dealing with is pressuring you to take responsibility or delegate that responsibility to someone or something else.

    They may remind you of your faith in God. They could accuse you of being untrustworthy. And it’s because of this, that you don’t believe the story they told you.

    It makes no sense, but they’ll tell you it’s because you lack trust, not because they’re lying. If the other person is pressuring you to make changes or see things differently for this hope to be relevant, it’s a sign that it’s toxic.




    These are five indicators that your hope is toxic, and I’d like to leave you with one more tip: if you’re going to stay in this relationship for any length of time, and if you’re going to hold on to this hope, start taking notes. Make a note of how things are going.

    Toxic hope

    Take notes on what is changing and whether the change is sustainable or if the person reverts to their old habits. Make a record of the steps you take forward and backward. Look back at the end of whatever time you feel is appropriate to see where you started and where you are now.

    If no progress is being made, regardless of what story you’re being told or what story you’re telling yourself, holding out hope is toxic. It’ll keep you stuck because you’ll see small steps forward and think you’re making progress, but if you look back at a diary or journal of what’s going on in this relationship, you might see things differently.

    Related: How To Let Go When Your Partner Refuses To Change

    The goal is not to hold the other person accountable or try to get them to change. Usually, there’s no point in doing so. Keeping records won’t change the person if you’ve been hoping all along, but it will help you see what’s going on in the relationship more clearly.

    I hope you found this information helpful. If you did, go ahead and comment below and subscribe to the YouTube channel to see more content like this. I’ll see you next time.



    Want to know more about the signs of toxic hope? Check this video out below!

    Written By Common Ego
Originally Appeared On Common Ego
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    Signs You are Clinging To Toxic Hope pin
  • 5 Disastrous Family Vacations Parents Should Avoid

    Going on a summer family vacation is fun, but it can also come with its fair share of challenges, if not planned properly. In order to prevent the worst family vacation ever, you need to keep a few things in mind. So, how to have a stress free family vacation, and what do you need to keep in mind while planning a stress free family vacation?

    When planning your getaway, it’s not the place, but the heart that matters most.

    The classroom clock ticks. Tongues click, feet tap, and the ever-present calendar on the wall beckons students’ wandering eyes.

    Soon, very soon, the two words most beloved by children and fretted by parents will be unleashed into the sun-drenched world. Two words that beg to be in all caps: SUMMER VACATION.

    Whether you prefer a picnic blanket, a beach towel, a baseball hat, or hiking boots, family vacations with children are fraught with thorny questions:

    • Is there a family vacation plan we can all agree on?
    • Do we let our kids bring their friends?
    • What if my brother’s bratty daughter asks to join us?

    Fear not, family vacation planner! I’ve gathered the top five disastrous family vacations to avoid. Mistakes that engender chaos and disappointment in everyone. So before you dig out your flip-flops and favorite summer hat, make sure you avoid these family vacation blunders.

    Related: 15 Beautiful Unexplored Destinations You Should Definitely Add To Your Bucket List

    5 Disastrous Family Vacations Parents Should Avoid

    1. Resorts That Aren’t Kid Friendly

    Most resorts look like a dream on the internet but are a nightmare in reality. Those big, colorful photos can be decades old or just plain lies. A friend of mine booked a “special deal” resort for his family.

    When they arrived for their two-week stay, they found a seedy “love hotel” filled with hot-to-trot couples giving their kids the stink eye.

    Get a referral from a friend. If possible, plan a quick visit in advance or take a virtual tour. Don’t roll the dice! Booking a bad summer resort for your family will haunt you for the rest of your life. Trust me, I know.

    2. Poorly Researched Summer Camps

    Summer camp can provide your kid with a lifetime of happy memories — or a lifetime of costly therapy-fueled regrets. Bad food and accommodations, combined with over-the-top social stress, can ruin the most resilient kid’s summer.

    The American Camp Association estimates there are over 12,000 summer camps in the US — so there are plenty of camps to choose from.

    Be sure to talk to families who endorse the camp that interests you, take time to meet the camp director, do a background check, and ask about the staff’s qualifications and training.

    Remember, if your kids hate it, gets kicked out, or leaves early, you’ll never hear the end of it. Worse, you’ll be stuck together for the rest of the listless summer.

    Related: 8 Helpful Strategies for Dealing With Your Teenager

    3. Car Rides from Hell

    A quick drive to the beach can translate into three or four hours in sweltering traffic. Before you or your car overheats, take the road less traveled. Check the traffic patterns during the week, and plot the best time for your escape.

    You can’t go wrong leaving at sunrise or an early Sunday morning. But even then, construction or road work can shut down your travel plans and have you fantasizing about that flying car from the Jetsons.

    Family vacations

    4. Summer Jobs and Internships that Fail

    Summer jobs fuel kids’ innate drive for maturity and independence. But make sure you find the right job or internship for your kid’s personality. Most states have summer youth programs, so be careful which category you choose.

    Being stuck in a parking lot toll booth without AC for the summer, or forced to work in an understaffed day program stocked with screaming children will destroy your kids’ ambition and self-esteem.

    When it comes to first jobs or internships, the right fit is everything. For instance, a colleague recently secured his computer obsession son a summer internship at a technology company.

    A year later, they hired him part-time. He loved the work, his pride soared and his vision for the future brimmed with hope.

    5. No Summer Plans

    This is the worse plan of all. Kids crave structure. Summers filled with sleeping late, eating junk food, or binge-watching shows will eventually breed depression and produce an atmosphere of gloom and snarkiness.

    Whether it’s a summer camp, an internship, or a job, keep your kid engaged and challenging him or herself. Foster this healthy habit and summer plans may even form organically.

    Related: 6 Ways Travel Heals Your Mind and Soul

    3 Golden Rules for a Successful Family Vacation

    1. Engage the Entire Family in Planning Family Vacations

    The more a family plans vacations together, the more united and enthusiastic they will all be. Engage your kids in researching vacation spots, and give them a voice in the planning.

    They’ll feel respected and eager to travel. Have them research the history of the place you visit. Let them be your tour guide and they’ll reward you with good cheer.

    2. Less Technology, More Creativity on Family Vacations

    In nearly twenty-five years of working with families in therapy, not a single parent ever said, “I wish we spent more time on technology.”

    Take a tech break on vacation. Read a book with your kid, enroll in a dance or art class, and explore new ways to be creative together.

    Here’s a tip: Lock up your family cell phones during vacations, or allow just 30 minutes at the end of the day. This is a great way to structure technology and create psychic space for self-reflection and mindfulness.

    3. Balance Activities with Down Time

    Running around all summer without a moment to spare leads to burnout. Make sure to leave space for downtime.

    Quiet, creative activities, such as reading or playing an instrument, have a natural rejuvenating effect. Find the right balance and avoid those frantic feelings that cause meltdowns and fatigue.

    Related: 6 Ways Parents Can Communicate With Their Teenagers Better (According To Teens)

    Family Vacations are For Spending Time Together

    For over ten years, my family retreated to a cabin in Maine for the summer. There was no television, no computer or cell phones…just a lake and the beautiful Maine mountains. I don’t have a single memory of my kids being bored.

    A family vacation doesn’t need to be complicated. Remember, when planning your getaway, it’s not the place, but the heart that matters most.

    Written By Sean Grover, LCSW
Originally Appeared On Sean Grover
    Disastrous Family Vacations Parents Should Avoid pin