Do you think socializing is a BIG waste of time? Do people appear shallow and superficial to you? I am not the greatest fan of socializing due to my innate hatred for people. I know I hate everyone and if you are somewhat like me, then it is likely that you have also wondered “Why do I hate everyone?”.
Hatred is a strong word
For some of us, interacting with others can feel like a chore that we would rather skip than enjoy. I have personally realized that spending – rather investing – emotions, energy, and time on people is a risky gamble that I would rather refrain from. People have never given me anything other than heartbreak, emotional pain, and sorrow. Granted, there are several other reasons why I, and others like me, hate people, it all comes down to hurt. Hatred is always born out of pain.
None of us are born to hate. That was never our default setting. But as we grow up and go through the different phases of life, we become so mentally and emotionally eroded that we would rather stay alone than be with anyone who shows even an ounce of toxicity. Now I’m not saying this is a healthy or even preferable way to live your life. Everyone is imperfect and we are all dealing with our own issues, I get that. But there are people like me who just hate ‘people’.
But why? Why do I hate everyone? Explaining and understanding this hatred for others might not be simple and straightforward. In fact, it can be a lot more complicated that we think it should be. So let’s take a deep dive into this phenomenon of hating everyone and find out what we can do to change such a corrosive attitude.
Why do I hate everyone?
So what does it mean when you hate everyone? Well, it may mean that your mentality and attitude is being governed by certain factors that you are unaware of. Although hurt and emotional pain can be the core reason why you may think you hate people, if you keep asking yourself “why I hate everyone” then there’s more to this than meets the eye.
If you are wondering “why do I hate everyone”, then here are some reasons you should know about –
Yes, all of us are stressed. But some of us are stressed more than others, while some of us are less equipped to deal with the said stress. This can easily complicate how you feel about and interact with others.
Stress can often lead to strong negative thoughts and emotions like anger which can cause feelings of resentment, bitterness and hatred. Chronic stress can make us irritable, anxious and overwhelmed which can make us impatient and less tolerant of others. All these emotions can result in frequent angry outbursts, conflicts and arguments making you feel like you hate others. Studies show that psychosocial stress “may elicit a range of emotions, including feelings of anger and fear.”
2. Social phobia
Some people are just afraid of other people and they mask their fear with anger and hatred. Social phobia or social anxiety disorder refers to an intense fear of social interactions and situations. Someone with social phobia may feel seriously nervous, overwhelmed, anxious and distressed when they have to interact with others. Social anxiety is “characterized by excessive fear of embarrassment, humiliation, or rejection when exposed to possible negative evaluation by others when engaged in a public performance or social interaction.”
So if you are asking yourself “why do I hate everyone?”, then it just might be due to your anxiety, which may make you feel anger and hatred towards others when compelled to socialize or interact with others. Moreover, people with social anxiety tend to believe that others hate them, so you may start hating others before they hate you in order to protect your ego and self-esteem.
3. Low self-esteem
Ah yes, low self-esteem. The destroyer of relationships and lives. Poor self-esteem keeps you on the edge all the time, as if you always need to fight to prove your worth to others, and to yourself. You feel you are the absolute worst of the lot and you need to keep others from finding out the truth about you. So you lie, manipulate, fight, hate and avoid people to protect your feeble ego. Sounds sad, I know, but the truth is not always pretty, right?
Low self-esteem makes you afraid of people – afraid that they will reject or abandon you, afraid that they will know you are not worth their attention, afraid that they will see the real you. Your insecurities about yourself makes you believe that it is better to hate others before they start hating you. At least this can help you protect yourself from getting hurt or facing rejection…again.
Low self-esteem makes you feel irritable, vulnerable, impulsive, angry and aggressive. When you are constantly afraid that people around you will find out about your insecurities, you start to hate them so that no one can challenge the false social image or reputation you have built. So you tell yourself that others are mean and hurtful, and it is best to stay away from them.
If you are an introvert, then it is obvious that you will find yourself asking “why do I hate everyone?” Introverts have never been known for liking people. Introverts prefer to stay away from the limelight…and people. So when someone forces them to socialize or be more extroverted, introverts HATE them. Being an introvert I can vouch for that and it is one of the reasons why I hate everyone. Although this hatred might not be based on anger or resentment, people with an introverted personality prefer to live in their own world and do their own thing. However, introverts do socialize, but they keep their circle small.
So when an introvert is forced to socialize with people outside their circle, they might feel irritated and angry, leading to feelings of hatred towards others. But introverted people don’t hate others out of spite. Introverts avoid people as it can be physically and emotionally draining for them to socialize when they don’t want to. This is why they feel angry and at times disgusted by those who force them to socialize.
5. Personality disorder
People with certain types of personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder or even histrionic personality disorder may harbor feelings of resentment and hatred towards others. But if you keep asking yourself “why do I hate everyone?” and look for ways to change your mindset, then it is unlikely that you have any of these personality disorders.
Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) or sociopathy is a mental illness where the sufferer lacks awareness about how they should behave with others. Apart from being manipulative, disrespectful and rude, they also do not care about the feelings or rights of others. They lack empathy nor do they feel remorse. They feel they are better than others and have a deep hatred for others.
Narcissists tend to have an inflated sense of importance, lack empathy, constantly seek attention, and tend to be rather abusive in relationships. Narcissists are aggressive individuals who can become violent when criticized or challenged. Hence, it is not surprising that narcissists hate other people, especially those who challenge their mind games.
So if you have any of these personality disorders, then it makes sense that you hate people. But the mere fact that you are seeking answers for your attitude towards others and trying to improve yourself, shows that this particular reason may not be applicable to you. However, it is best to consult a mental health professional and get an accurate diagnosis in case you doubt you have a mental condition.
Have you been running too hard to meet the expectations of others, fulfill your responsibilities or to pursue your goals? When you are too hard on yourself and always running from one task to another, then it can lead to a general dislike or hatred towards others as you become burnt out and have little energy left to invest on people. Burnout can make you a lot more impatient, irritable, intolerant and angrier than usual, which can make you hate others, even your family and friends.
Burnout is a combination of mental and physical exhaustion coupled with chronic stress leading to feelings of dissatisfaction, helplessness, pessimism, self-doubt and frustration. Whether you are burnt out with your work or your family responsibilities, it will spill over to other aspects of your life and into your relationships. You may feel that you hate everything and everyone and the only thing you want is some space and mental peace. However, addressing your own needs and taking some time off can help you get over such negative feelings.
Related: What Is Burnout And How To Cope
7. Ideological differences
Something as simple as having differing opinions and views can make you hate others. So when you ask yourself “why do I hate everyone?”, it can be due to ideological differences. When you think others have different social, cultural, religious or political values and beliefs, you can become hateful towards them. You start believing that they are challenging your beliefs and are against what you represent. This can make you angry and irritated.
However, if you take a step back and try to understand their perspective instead of being afraid of new or differing ideas, you can replace hatred with empathy and understanding.
When you don’t like anything about yourself and your life, it’s hard to like anyone else. You just stop caring about everyone and isolate yourself as you gear up to suffer from your mental and emotional pain. Emotion suppression and rumination are common symptoms of depression which lead to dysfunctional emotional regulation resulting in disgust, angry outbursts and hatred towards others. Studies show that “People with depressive illness often have symptoms of overt or suppressed anger.”
Coupled with my introverted personality, depression is one of the reasons I hate everyone. When you have a depressive disorder, you want to be left alone and this can cause feelings of hatred towards others. If you think you have depression and are unable to manage your emotions, consult a mental health professional immediately.
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Do you feel anger and disgust when someone triggers your OCD? We cannot rule out OCD when trying to answer “why do I hate everyone?” Studies show that “Exaggerated and inappropriate disgust reactions may drive some of the symptoms of OCD, and in some cases, may even eclipse feelings of anxiety.” Hence, people with OCD tend to strongly judge, feel anger and hatred when their contamination vulnerabilities are triggered by others around them. “Many patients report that they experience intense feelings of disgust during symptom provocation and often describe symptom-relevant stimuli as disgusting rather than frightening,” explains the study.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) or obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), then you may hate certain people when it comes to things that you feel obsessive about.
10. Unreasonable expectations
Still wondering “why do I hate everyone?” then it might be due to your unrealistic expectations. All of us have expectations from ourselves and others. Although it is natural to expect a positive outcome when you have invested a lot of time and effort into a task or relationship, having unrealistic and illogical expectations can set us up for failure. And this can cause negative feelings towards others. When someone is unable to meet your high and almost impossible to reach expectations, you start to develop feelings of resentment, bitterness, anger and hatred towards them.
When people do not think, act or behave the way to anticipate or expect them to, you can feel irritated and annoyed. Unfortunately, you unreasonable expecations make you believe that other people are incompetent, incapable and problematic, which can lead to strong feelings of hatred.
I hate everyone: More reasons why
Apart from the factors mentioned above, there may be some more reasons that can make you ask “why am I starting to hate everyone?” Here’s what you need to know –
11. You have Type A personality
People with Type A behavior pattern (TABP) tend to be impatient, competitive, aggressive and have a sense of time urgency & hostility towards the world.
12. You don’t trust others
When you have endured too much emotional pain due to past betrayal, you may find it difficult to trust people and this can make you feel like “I hate everyone.”
13. You are a misanthrope
Misanthropy is a distrust, dislike and hatred of humankind and human behavior. However, if you are asking yourself, “why do I hate everyone”, then it is likely that you are not truly a misanthrope.
14. You have experienced trauma
Unresolved trauma or having Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can result in negative emotions like stress, depression, irritability, anger and even hatred. People with PTSD are often often afraid of or angry at the situation or people that traumatized them.
15. You are pessimistic
If you tend to focus only on the negative aspects of a situation or the worst aspects of life and anticipate an undesirable outcome for yourself, then your pessimistic attitude can cause anger and hatred towards others.
16. You hold on to grudges
If you are vindictive and are unable to forgive people who hurt you, then it is likely that you hate others. Instead of asking “why do I hate everyone?”, learn to forgive others and let go of hatred for people who did you wrong. It’s not fair, I know, but life barely is.
17. You have poor boundaries
When you don’t set strong boundaries with the people around you, it can cause social stress and feelings of hatred or at least dislike for others. Enforce personal boundaries so that people know how you want to be treated,
19. You were taught to hate others
Sadly, some parents or grown ups teach children to hate a certain type of people or individuals who don’t agree with their distorted beliefs. If hatred was taught to you by your family members, then you may grow up hating others.
20. You are envious and jealous
Feelings of jealousy and envy of others’ achievements, skills, and traits can make you hate or dislike them. When you see someone else having what you desire or work hard to accomplish, you may start to hate them.
21. You hate yourself
Instead of asking “why do I hate everyone?”, ask “do I hate myself?” We often project our own insecurities on others. Projection is a defense mechanism that allows us to cope with unwanted feelings by displacing onto someone else. So if you hate someone else, then it may simply mean that you hate yourself.
Self-hatred can make you feel like you are not good enough and when you meet someone you believe is superior to you, you start to hate them.
When you hate everyone
Hatred may be an intense emotion, but I do hate everyone. It’s not that I want anyone to suffer or wish anyone anything bad, I just don’t like people. I don’t like it when someone tries to talk to me, befriend me, asks me to meet them or even when they call me.
Why? Why do I hate everyone?
Because I am afraid. I am scared of getting close to people or letting someone get close to me. I am afraid of getting hurt. I am afraid I might have to go through all that pain all over again. I am afraid to open up. I am afraid to be vulnerable before someone else, even if they have the best intentions.
Hatred is often a byproduct of emotional pain and suffering. When we hold on to grudges, don’t let go of anger and address emotional pain, it can often feel like hatred. When you feel no one cares about you, no one is bothered that you are hurting, no one is coming to rescue you, you hurt even more. You become angry at others, people who you cared about, and you become filled with bitterness. Your heart shatters into so many scattered pieces that you eventually start believing that staying away from everyone is the best thing you can do to protect yourself. And you confuse this defense mechanism as hatred for everyone.
The day I realized that this is why I hate everyone, I paused and took a deep look inside instead of asking “why do I hate everyone.” Self-analysis and introspection can answer a lot of burning questions that your struggling with at times. I realized that no one was ever coming to rescue me. No one is responsible for me. Only I am responsible for myself. Just because I willingly take care of the people I love, it does not necessarily mean they will take care of me as well. I was my own savior. And my failure to realize this is the reason why I hate everyone.
Stay detached, but don’t hate
It’s absolutely fine to be detached from others, but it’s never okay to hate people. No, not because of any moral, self-righteous reason. But hatred does more harm to you than others. It keeps you stuck in the loop of hurt and emotional pain. It keeps your vibrations low, keeps you unhappy and screws with your mental health.
Letting go of hatred and the need to be loved is the key to detachment. And detachment is your solution to overcoming emotional pain. When you are detached from everyone, you don’t take anything personally anymore. You find your own happiness without feeling the need to seek it for others. You don’t hate people anymore, but you don’t need them either – that’s the magic of detachment.
How hating others affect you
For years I have been asking myself why do I hate everyone, but never pondered how all this hate is affecting me? And I had to pay a heavy price for that as it affected my mental health, personality and relationships.
Hating other people can have some dire consequences and it is one of the reasons why you need to address your feelings and find the answer to “why do I hate everyone?” Internalizing hatred can affect your social skills, lead to loneliness, and adversely affect your support system.
Here are some consequences that you may face due to your hatred for people –
1. Mental health
Research shows that feelings of hatred are associated with mental health problems. Hatred is often caused by traumatic experiences or self-esteem issues and can lead to anger, social withdrawal, isolation, frustration and lack of empathy. It can also lower our cognitive and emotional coping abilities.
2. Physical health
Intense negative and distressing emotions can also lead to different physical health issues as well. Studies show that “anger and hostile conduct” can negatively affect our health status and result in “various diseases”.
Researchers have found that “Employees’ working relationships were long determined to be crucial to their overall wellbeing and performance ratings at work.” But when your heart is filled with hatred for everyone at work, it will affect your work motivation. With hatred in your mind, you will –
- Have trouble being a team player
- Display negative behavior
- Refuse to accept instructions & directives
- Become disagreeable
- Be difficult to work with
- Be more harsh on and unfair with your subordinates
- Act in a problematic way
- Become isolated and alienated from your coworkers
Not only can this affect your own performance, but can turn the entire work culture toxic.
When you hate everyone, you push away the people who love and care about you, including your family, romantic partner and friends. Persistent hatred turns relationships toxic and eventually leads to relationship dissolution. In the end, you are left alone with no one to share your feelings with. Instead of asking “why do I hate everyone?” and holding on to anger, focus on strengthening your relationships.
Related: How To Stop Hating Men: 6 Ways
How to stop hating people all the time
Wondering how to not hate everyone? The sad truth is, in life we will have to encounter, interact with different people and some of them can be too difficult to deal with. But that should not corrupt how we look at everyone. Yes, past trauma and adverse childhood experiences can affect our perspective, but we need to be bigger than all that has happened to us and let go of memories and pain that no longer serve us.
Related: 6 Ways To Stop Hating Women
If you are still asking yourself “why do I hate everyone and everything,” then here’s what to do when you hate everyone –
1. Practice mindfulness meditation
Doing mindfulness meditation for 10 minutes every day to bring your attention to the present moment. Meditation can help you stay grounded and better cope with anxiety and anger.
2. Develop empathy
Empathy is our ability to understand & share the feelings of someone else. It can help us understand someone’s mental and emotional state and see them from their own perspective. This can significantly change your interactions with others.
3. Be more forgiving
Forgive others and yourself. Forgiveness is a crucial coping mechanism that liberates you from emotional pain and negative feelings that you have been holding onto for so long. Forgiveness gives the power back to you.
4. Practice gratitude
Gratefulness or thankfulness is a positive emotion that shifts our focus from what we don’t have to what we do have and be appreciative of that. Being grateful to others in our life can inspire us to be better individuals.
Last but not the least, when you think your anger and hatred is getting out of your control, simply pause and breathe deeply. It can help you recenter yourself, lower stress levels and avoid impulsive behavior. Studies have found “breathing practice to be an effective non-pharmacological intervention for emotion enhancement, including a reduction in anxiety, depression, and stress.”
Here are some other coping and self-help strategies for people who keep asking themselves “why do I hate everyone?” –
- Identify your triggers and address them
- Learn relaxation techniques
- Make self-care a priority
- Avoid black and white thinking
- Maintain strong personal boundaries
- Spend time alone and enjoy solitude
- Practice journaling and expressive writing
- Take breaks whenever you need it
- Do not generalize everyone
- Improve your communication skills
- Socialize and spend more time with loved ones
- Seek professional help and therapy
Spread love, not hate
Whether you hate someone specific, a particular group of people or the human species in general, practicing forgiveness and empathy can help you shift your mindset and attitude and become a more positive person. Moreover, being mindful and aware of your thoughts and emotions can also help you overcome intense hatred.
Persistent feelings of hatred can also denote underlying mental health issues. Make sure to consult a mental health professional and seek medical help, if needed.
But for now, simply take some time off and breathe. Relax and just let all the hatred go.
Let love find its way back to your heart and life.