How To Outsmart A Narcissist In Any Conversation: 7 Tips

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If youโ€™re looking to outsmart a narcissist, I have seven tips to help you do just that. By the time youโ€™re done reading this, youโ€™ll understand how to come face-to-face with the narcissist in your life. And instead of you walking away confused and frustrated, the narcissists will do that for you.

Now thatโ€™s a win!

Related: Deal With A Narcissist: How To Outplay A Narcissist And Beat Them At Their Own Game

7 Ways To Outsmart A Narcissist In Any Conversation

Tip 1: Limit Communication

Keep your communications limited with this person. If youโ€™ve decided this is somebody you still need in your life, keep your conversations simple. Talk to them only about the things you must talk about. Try not to take it any further.

Donโ€™t ask any questions about their life, and donโ€™t answer any questions about your life. If you have to answer, keep them very short and generic.

Outsmart a narcissist

Tip 2: Understand The Narcissistic Personality

Narcissists lack whole object relations. To put it simply, they have a very black-and-white view of those around them. They canโ€™t have positive and negative feelings about you simultaneously. To them, youโ€™re either all good or all bad.

Also, narcissists lack emotional empathy, so theyโ€™re not a good match for somebody who cares about others.

These are not people you want to have drawn-out fights with because theyโ€™ll stop at nothing. If you start looking for revenge, you can easily get caught up in a never-ending cycle. You do something, then theyโ€™ll retaliate probably worse than what you did. In turn, you are even more driven to take revenge.

This is why a foundational understanding of narcissism can help you outsmart the narcissist. You need to know what youโ€™re dealing with before you can learn to protect yourself.

Related: How Do You Outsmart A Narcissist? Shutting Down Narcissist Manipulation For Good

Tip 3: Distance Yourself From The Narcissist And The People Close To Them

Tread very lightly -not just with the narcissist- but with anyone who they are friends with. Some of these people can be two-faced and play nice with you to get information to bring back to the narcissist.

If the narcissist has turned some important people in your life against you, the best thing you can do is just let it go until the dust settles. You can rebuild those relationships after youโ€™ve done some healing and thereโ€™s been some distance between you and the narcissist.

Tip 4: Do Not Give A Narcissist What They Want

Narcissists are very likely to say things that either bait or trigger you. They will say something they know you have an emotional tie to, whether itโ€™s good or bad.

If theyโ€™re saying nice things, your response to that thing should be very dry. You can respond with something like, โ€œThatโ€™s very kind of you to say.โ€ If itโ€™s something negative, you can say something like, โ€œIโ€™m really sorry you feel that way.โ€

Outsmart a narcissist

Tip 5: Take The Power Away From What Theyโ€™re Saying

If the narcissist brings up something youโ€™re self-conscious about, and you want to respond to it, take the power away in that moment. You can either say, โ€œThatโ€™s something that I used to really struggle with, but Iโ€™ve come a long way.โ€ Or you can use two very powerful words: โ€œSo what?โ€ If youโ€™re not concerned about the issue, it instantly deflates their entire argument.

Their opinion of us does not matter. And even though we all know weโ€™re not perfect, we can accept our flaws and work on themโ€ฆ without the narcissist.

Related: How To Outsmart A Narcissist: 10 Powerful Tactics To Put A Narcissist In Their Place

Tip 6: Highlight The Ugliness Coming Out Of Their Mouth

If they say something ugly or hateful, ask them what they mean. Even if you know what they mean, still ask them. You can also call them out on their anger. Doing these will make them have to defend themselves. Just be sure to remain calm. If your emotions escalate, then you havenโ€™t outsmarted them.

On the other hand, when you force them to look within themselves instead, it will cause a narcissistic injury. This isnโ€™t something you want to do if you fear the narcissist, but it can work very well if you do not.

Tip 7: Keep A Close Eye On Your Emotional State

Imagine youโ€™re wearing a heart monitor and every time you get emotional, either angry or sad or hurt, imagine an audible beep going off. This is the danger zone because you are highly likely to react.

Responding in an emotional way to the narcissist is not going to do anything to help your current situation. It may help you feel a little better at the moment, but you will get into a back-and-forth argument. So itโ€™s really better just if you can keep it in and walk away.

Related: How To Deal With A Narcissist: 5 Steps To Disarm A Narcissist and Protect Yourself From Their Wrath

Those are seven ways you can outsmart a narcissist in conversation. If you have to have a narcissist in your life, keep the upper hand and prevent them from controlling everything. Just a warning. If you see a narcissistic injury coming up, that might be a good time to exit if you can.

Want to know more about how you can outsmart a narcissist? Check this video out below!

Additional Resources:

One-on-one coaching sessions
Online therapy for abuse and trauma victims (get 10% off when you sign up with this link)
7 Day Self-Love Kickstart Plan
Written By Common Ego
Originally Appeared On Common Ego

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