Do you often become the subject of a joke when spotted muttering to yourself? If you’re among those people who talk to themselves, here’s something for you.
Are People Who Talk To Themselves Smarter?
According to experts and Science people who talk to themselves higher IQ.
So now is the time to prove that you are a real-time genius. You do not prefer to rely on other’s advice and thereby have self-confidence stuffed within. Your inner voice is your ultimate guide.
“How am I supposed to react?”
“Did I pave the right way to reach my destination?”
“Was I behaving way too rude with that person?” – Where do you expect to get genuine answers to such questions that you get trapped in everyday life?
Well if you are a hardcore believer of facts, a life of Albert Einstein exemplifies the perks of ‘Self-talk’. Moreover, the experiment done by Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan proved that people who prefer to talk aloud to themselves have immensely strong concentration power and extraordinary idea-generating abilities.
Talking in a supportive tone to your conscience brings out the positivity and creates an appreciable difference within you.
Here are a few reasons that will knock off the feeling of insanity on being criticized for blabbering in your own world. Cherish yourself for being an exotically intelligent creature.
7 Reasons Why People Who Talk To Themselves Are Intelligent
1. ‘Self-talking’ clears up the mess of your mind
When different opinions about a certain thing make a harsh clash, how do you sort it out? Stop wandering around and take the expert’s advice. Well, the expert is within you. A session of talking aloud to yourself helps you clear the webbed thoughts. A fight amongst the different façades of yours brings out clarity at the end as supported by the psychologist Linda.
2. Scientists support the claim
When switched to the practical side of this fact, various experiments conducted produced the result that favours ‘Self-talk’. In one of the experiments conducted by Swigley and Lupya, 20 people were supposed to pick up a certain item from the supermarket. Results were more positive when the people were asked to repeat the item aloud while searching.
Even after innumerable attempts; your goal seems to be a distant star to be reached. Why is it so? Well, you are lacking focus. A goal-oriented mind needs a session of self-talking in order to find strategies. It also helps in washing off the distraction and thus brings rigidity and surety in the mindset.
A person who keeps talking to himself cannot resist back and hence stirs up the imagination and creativity. He forms a stronger bond with the world through visualization. Their minds stimulate the response because long-lasting impressions on their minds gets activated during every self-talking session.
5.A necessary self booster
What could be more motivational than a piece of advice asking to gear up yourself? The moment you feel demoralized or down, the overshadowed spirit within you that is enthusiastic enough to win over every obstacle needs to be sieved out. As per the studies, the self-talk where you consider yourself as a second person rather than the first person is more influencing.
6.Become a quick learner
A voice that commands you is considered to be far stronger than any other external distraction. Talking to yourself is the best method to learn because this way you look at various aspects of an issue and hence makes deduction on the basis of understanding. Voices of the surrounding help us to learn the art of speaking as a kid. But as a grown-up, our own voice becomes the best teacher.
Mood swings and emotional is balance is the cause for the majority of disruptions in our life. Counseling yourself to manage the upsurged feeling of anger, nervousness, disappointment, disgrace and breakdowns will help you in soothing the traumatic situation. Be responsible for every of your problem. Why regret anything when you can be your own therapist and sort it out.
Are you happy to be one of those people who talk to themselves? Share your thoughts in comments.
If you want to know more about people who talk to themselves, here’s a related video:
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Why do people talk to themselves in their sleep?
Sleep talking is a rather typical occurrence in both children and adults. It may happen at any time in life and can lead to a sleep problem.
Who are some famous people who talk to themselves?
Famous people like Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin, Henry Ford, etc. are some who talk to themselves.
Can you boost your brain power by talking to yourself?
According to research, talking to yourself may improve your thinking and perception while also increasing your brainpower.
Even though most of us try not to, we’re all guilty of comparing ourselves to others leading to negativity and low self-esteem. So, how to stop comparing yourself to others? Here are 5 effective strategies that will allow you to embrace yourself and stop comparison in your life.
Every now and then you find yourself going through a phase where you get sucked into a bad habit of comparing yourself to others.
You’ll look at their jobs, careers, their fancy Instagram posts, and their celebratory success posts on Facebook. You catch yourself thinking, “Why am I not doing that?” – and then quickly remember that you don’t even want to do what they’re doing.
It’s easy to do when everywhere you look people are telling you about their latest success or exciting adventure. It’s like you’re constantly being teased to do something else!
Due to social media, these get even worse. People posting about things they’re proud of or happy about – it’s there every right to share! But you as the audience have to remind yourself to approach these posts with a bit of perspective. You have to stop comparing yourself to others and start focusing on your own path.
The trick is to become more aware of when you’re doing these comparisons – and acknowledging them. Suppressing them or beating yourself up for making comparisons will only make it worse.
Once you’ve acknowledged that this is something that you’re doing, it’s time to play with these five strategies.
How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others: 5 Ways
1. Connect with your real self – and love it.
Connect with yourself and love yourself – that’s when the magic happens. You are exactly who you are meant to be. You are perfect and amazing just the way you are. No one on this planet has ever been exactly like you, and no one in the future will ever be exactly like you.
You are completely unique just as you are, and your beliefs, abilities, and passions are there to form the unique you. Don’t let anyone else make you think otherwise. Don’t get tempted by who other people are, or how you think you’d like to be more like them. Focus on who you are, because no one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.
2. Say to yourself, “I am exactly where I am meant to be” – and believe it.
The universe knows exactly what you can handle and your intuition is subconsciously telling you that too – so trust that. Don’t think about where you aren’t yet or what you haven’t achieved yet. Become mindful of where you are right now and appreciate every bit of it.
3. Get a clear vision of where you want to go.
The clearer you are about where you want to go, the easier it is to let go of comparisons. You’ll be less affected by other people’s tempting success stories because you’ll know what they’re doing is not a part of the vision you have for yourself.
You’ll see their successes, celebrate them with them, and remind yourself of the next milestone you’re looking to reach in your life. Not their milestone. Your milestone.
4. Limit your time on social media (especially when you’re feeling low).
Social media makes social comparisons dangerously easy and if you’re feeling particularly stressed, tired, or low, you’ll be even more vulnerable to making these comparisons in a bad way.
Remind yourself that social media shows a very limited view of what’s going on in people’s lives – not their challenges but their successes, not their frustrations but their aspirations.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking their lives are perfect and that you’re doing something wrong because you haven’t got a hundred posts about your latest successes on your Facebook wall.
5. Don’t compare your life to others
Having people to look up to is amazing. But sometimes you forget how long and hard they’ve worked to get there. Remind yourself of where you are in your journey. Get inspired by your mentors, coaches, and the places you aspire to get to. And when you do, celebrate the hell out of it!
Now I’d love to hear from you. Have you got your own tips for dealing with comparisons and shutting them down? Please comment below and you’ll be helping others ditch the comparisons and focus on their visions.
Written by Susanna Halonen Originally appeared on The Happyologist blog
This is how you will learn to put yourself first without having an awful feeling.
Lately, my husband has been diligently on rehabbing a business. Now, given the nature of my work, it’s location independence, and the fact that my schedule is fluid– I’ve been trying to help him out in any way I can. This has had its ups and downs, but I’ve noticed a real pattern with my own contributions.
A lot of emotional weirdness comes around while giving and receiving. One minute I feel generous and happy with my contributions and the next I feel resentful and withholding. As I’ve dug deeper to try and figure out why this is such a stubborn cycle, if you’ve ever felt generous then resentful, then back again, maybe you can relate.
As I’ve been trying to honor my own needs while being generous to my partner, I’ve noticed that there’s a monumental difference between making mindful sacrifices for the good of the whole in a relationship and sacrificing yourself. Often we’re prone to sacrificing ourselves for our relationships instead of giving to ourselves first and then, when we’ve filled our tank, extending outward.
We’re left with the feeling that we cheated ourselves out of our own time and attention that we so desperately needed. The sad part about this kind of over-giving is that sometimes we choose this as the DEFAULT position. We put others ahead of ourselves without even considering the cost or what we’re giving up.
It’s a little like an old-school scale (think gothic scales of justice). We put our effort and giving on one side of the scale and as it loads up and swings down lower and lower, we look around to see if anything is going on the other side of the scale to feed our own goals, dreams, and hopes.
We get stuck in a place of giving out and trusting that we’ll eventually get back, but the problem is that we often overlook the needs that we could easily meet ourselves. We skip right past making ourselves happy— perhaps because we feel selfish or like if we don’t spend our light helping everyone around us, things won’t get done. We give this labor away and what we’re left with is a cage of our own designs, a feeling of trapped that can only be gotten by intentionally giving our power away.
This is not to say that giving is bad, or that making sacrifices for the good of a whole is bad but allowing ourselves to pick ourselves last. That moment where we know that we would feel better if we honored ourselves but don’t take the opportunity. The twinge of guilt or shame that made us say yes when we should have said no. The moment where we know good and well that by putting someone else first, what we really want takes a back seat.
By doing this, we give up our power that we often don’t even realize that we’re doing it. Then we feel resentful and overextended. It FEELS LIKE we’re being taken advantage of.
It FEELS LIKE someone else is doing something to us, but we skip right over the fact that we gave when we shouldn’t have, we gave and it got out of hand, or we allowed a sweet-talking human to burrow inside our brain.
Or we felt guilt and shame about “not helping” or “not being a nice girl (or boy).” The thing is, that “nice person” inside our psyche sometimes desperately needs to grow up into a strong adult who has the right boundaries.
Why do we choose not to honor that is best for ourselves?
A subconscious fear runs through the spine that other people won’t like us. We mistakenly believe that we can win someone over by being completely selfless (after all, it works in the movies).
We fear that we’ll somehow revert to complete and utter selfishness and we’ll feel even worse than before we said no. Or we’ve so conditioned the people around us that they expect we’ll cater to them and when we don’t, they freak out. Or we finally say no and then beat ourselves up over the other person’s reaction.
Instead, I propose this: I think that when we honor who we truly are in our relationships, without the guilt, fear, and shame involved in over-giving, we’re infinitely more attractive than when we’re doing anything out of imagined obligation or fear.
I think we believe that we’ll somehow automatically cross over into jerky-bitch territory if we honor ourselves, but this is false. It might take a while for the other people in our lives to catch up and realize that we need to rebalance the scale, but if they truly love and accept us, it won’t be an impossible transition.
When you realize it’s time to honor yourself?
Since it’s so easy to fall into this trap, I created a model, who I like to think of as a version of my higher self. When I notice myself doing things I would rather not or twisting myself around instead of honoring my own needs, I think of her.
She is a strong, gorgeous woman who is known as generous and kind but puts herself first. She knows her worth and takes care of herself in all ways, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
She operates from an internal locus of control. Her basic standard mindset is valuable and worthy. She doesn’t allow other people’s drama to suck her in or make her feel poorly about herself. On the career front, she feels comfortable and safe accepting payment for her labor.
Giving and receiving are safe since she lives outside the realm of fear and guilt. She gives to others only when she truly wants to— and since her own emotional tank is full (she filled it first), this is quite often. She uses the word “no” liberally and appropriately.
As a result of these self-nurturing beliefs and behaviors, she’s free from resentment or anger about her contributions. There are no angry, “why aren’t you giving back?” moments from her since she simply removes, changes, or distances herself from situations and people that aren’t generous or kind to her. She is just as comfortable with receiving as she is giving.
Now, the further away from this higher self avatar that I actually get, the worse I feel—in both my work and personal life. If you’re feeling overextend too, why don’t you create your own version of your higher self?
What does giving to yourself actually feel like?
What does it feel like to honor your own wants first and then have the emotional resources to be generous with others?
What does it feel like to let go of fear and resentment?
Take the time to picture it vividly. Tell me your thoughts in the comment section below.
Life is challenging, but if you want to excel, you must learn important life lessons that will strengthen your spirit and allow you to overcome challenges. The things to learn in life are listed below!
It is true that we are never able to reclaim a lesson. We need to confront the reality, head-on. If we’ve allowed ourselves to be wild and free only then can we acquire life lessons that will guide us onto the path we must follow to thrive.
The saying goes that without hitting rock bottom, no lesson can ever be learned. The life cheat sheet is found right at the very bottom.
“In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson”
– Tom Bodett
What holds us back is fear. We are never willing to lose, we are looking forward to winning our life but only a few of us have taken back the lessons from our failures. We wish to abandon our experience of failure but the failure teaches us the most.
The key is to embrace our failures and learn to use it to our advantage.Failure is not about giving up, it’s about working your way up to the top with renewed motivation to win.
So what are some of the life lessons everyone should learn?
“People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves”
– Paulo Coelho
10 Important Life Lessons To Learn From Experiences
1. There are a few things we do in life because we love them
We devote time, energy, and passion to those activities that we love doing. Then there are tasks we must complete since it is our obligation and responsibility.
It’s important to strike a balance here. We all need to make money to live, but even if you don’t enjoy your job, you still need to break the monotony in order to work every day without getting exhausted. Only to make money isn’t the virtue.
You may give your life greater purpose if you can strike a healthy balance between your interests and your profession. When health, family, work, pleasure, and friends are maintained in a healthy balance, life flows more easily.
2. Analysis paralysis kills opportunities
Overanalyzing (or overthinking) an issue to the point that no choice is made or action is done ultimately disarms the result, it is known as “paralysis by analysis.”
This may have frequently occurred to you when you continuously weighed the advantages and disadvantages of a scenario before making a decision, which resulted in you missing out on opportunities.
Stepping outside of your comfort zone is necessary if you want to reach significant life milestones. Make it valuable by taking chances.
3. Self-fulfilling prophecy
The socio-psychological phenomenon known as a “self-fulfilling prophecy” is when someone “predicts” or “expects” something, and that “prediction” or “expectation” resurfaces only because that person believes it will, and their subsequent behaviors line up to materialize those beliefs.
Your attitude about life has a significant impact on how your life turns out. A positive outlook on life increases your chances of succeeding in life since your actions and behavior will be consistent with your ideas and beliefs.
4. Positive self-talk
“Positive self-talk” can help us sustain, recognize, and promote joy, hope, and fulfillment in our life. How? When we fill our thoughts with positive self-talk we provide ourselves the motivation to move forward in life.
Positive self-talk like “I can do this once I try.”, “I have the capacity to achieve more than this.” and “My life is better than most people out there.” When negative self-talk is replaced by meaningful positive self-talk, you will get the extra strength to conquer life.
Does it matter to you, whether or not other people approve of your actions, decisions, and words? Other people will function on their own decisions based on their own value system. Their value system might not align with your values and ideals.
Therefore, your life decisions are exclusively your own and do not depend on what other people think of them. It’s your life. Living in on terms of other people just to be validated and appreciated by them is utter foolishness.
6. Self-awareness
The lesson is to be self-aware and know your needs, wants and passions. Surround yourself with people who encourage and accept your individualism rather than promoting their ideas to you. When you keep yourself in a positive encouraging environment, you will be able to channelize your energy on self-growth.
Stay away from people who are self-boasting in nature and talk bad about other people at their backs. There is a high chance that these people also talk bad at your back.
7. Avoid Negative self-talk
Negative self-talk never takes you anywhere worthwhile. Negative self-talks are limiting in nature and always reflect your flaws and adversities and magnifies your negative aspects and overshadow your positive aspects.
The trick is to not to be fooled by negative self-talk like, “I cannot do this.”“I will never succeed in life.” and “Everyone is doing better than me.” This downplays your potential and blocks your success path.
Another lesson in life is to never stop learning. If you believe you know everything, you are doing nothing but limiting the expanse of your knowledge. Stay grounded and stay humble with your achievements.
Take each of your accomplishments as a stepping stone to ultimate success but never feel too boastful of your success or your status. Keep asking, be curious and seek answers until the end of your life.
9. Self-love
Self-love is more urgent and important than falling in love with someone else. Others will stay but if you cannot love those unlovable parts of yourself, you will never be able to truly fall in love with another separate individual.
Loving others start with oneself. Look within yourself, take a glimpse at the beautiful person that you are. Discover it, embrace it and fall in love with it. Others will start getting drawn to you when you exude positive energy and self-confidence.
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. – Lucille Ball
10. Disconnect from toxic people who try to control your life
Do you still trust in yourself and receive support from others for your endeavors? Instead of following those who seek to bring you down, look for inspiration from those who have a good influence.
The main takeaway from this is to never let toxic individuals in your life force you to stop having great dreams. Disconnect from those that try to hijack your life, drag you down , or manipulate you. Live life outside of the ordinary and liberate yourself from these people’s control.
Love this article on learning lessons in life? Why not share with your close people?
I will be 40 in less than a year. I would be lying if I said that becoming one of the women turning 40 didn’t bother me. It seems that 40 is a number where I believe I should have finally ‘arrived’ in life, or my life should be the perfect picture of a successful wife, mother, businesswoman, or whatever other demanding expectation I put upon myself when I was younger.
My life right now is pretty good, but if I could have planned it all out or done things differently – it definitely would not look like how it actually turned out. I am a blessed mother of two children and I do have a few accomplishments under my belt but I sometimes compare my life to other women in their 40s and even younger and it just gets me down.
As I reflect on being on this earth for almost 40 years and I rewind to when I was in my 30s, I would have definitely done a few things differently. Luckily, because of some of the past challenges in my life, I was forced to learn new tools.
Some of my past experiences forced me to do things differently which turned into a good thing eventually.
So, here is my advice to my younger self and lessons I want all women in their 30s to know before celebrating international women’s day 2023.
20 Brutally Honest Things Women Turning 40 Want All Women In Their 30s To Know
1. Love and accept yourself – fully
I truly believe if I had accepted the good and bad parts of myself at a younger age, I would have avoided many of the wrong decisions that I made in my life. Once you know who you really are inside, you begin to accept and love yourself fully.
Once you truly love yourself from the inside, you are able to love and accept others which provides a much higher probability of maintaining healthy relationships.
2. Feed your soul
Whatever your passion, or whatever you enjoy in life, make sure you feed your soul with what inspires you. If you are not sure what your passion is, try new things and find different activities until you find a few that give you that feeling of warmth, freedom, and acceptance inside.
3. Find a strong support network
For a long while, I tried to do everything in my life in my own power and with little help from others. I later realized having a strong support network of friends and safe people to share my life with is so rewarding.
Finding and cultivating new relationships with others that will love and support you no matter what is so important to have in life.
4. Be authentic
One of the most important things women turning 40 want you to know.
During some of my harder times in life, I wore a pretty and smiling mask on my face no matter what I was going through. Only a few close people in my life knew what was really going on during my hardest trials.
Once you begin to show others you have ups, downs, and struggles in life just like everyone else, you become more trustworthy and sincere to others.
5. Live for you
The major life milestone of women turning 40 is often a time of reflection and transition. A huge part of my life was taken up by taking care of everyone else which resulted in having no time for myself.
My motives and reasons for doing things were wrong which in turn made my life much harder than it had to be. You cannot make everyone in your life happy – ever. Once you begin to make the best decisions for yourself instead of others, life gets easier.
I could have avoided a few bad relationships if I would have figured this out when I was younger. Compromise is required in any close relationship because we are all different and have different wants.
Compromise is a good thing most of the time if the compromise is equal on both sides. Once you give up your wants and needs the majority of the time in any one relationship, it’s time to re-evaluate that relationship and decide if it really is healthy for you to be a part of it.
7. Travel more
This is probably one of the best lessons from women turning 40. This might be my biggest regret. I did travel some when I was younger before I had children and it was wonderful.
Money can buy you material things or memories. If I had thought about it this way before, I would have stopped making meaningless purchases of material things and made sure I spent my money on at least one new destination each year.
Traveling creates a sense of freedom and opens your eyes to the way others live in different parts of the world. This is one of the things I learned after turning 40 and regret it not having learned earlier.
8. Worry less
I struggled with anxiety and lots of worries in the past. Worrying triggered my anxiety and it became an ugly part of who I was for a long while. Once you realize that worrying will not change your outcome, you begin to accept whatever is going to happen to you.
You realize you will be okay no matter what. Once I stopped worrying so much about everything, my stress levels decreased immensely.
9. Stop comparing yourself to others
Sometimes I feel like I should be done with Facebook altogether. Comparing your life to your best friend whom you know really well is one thing, but comparing your life to someone’s life on Facebook is detrimental.
Once you realize that comparing your life to others does nothing but bring your own self-worth down, you eventually stop.
There will always be someone who is smarter, prettier, or better off than me and I have accepted that. The moment I start comparing, I immediately change my thought pattern to what I am thankful for in my life and keep moving forward.
I had the Disney syndrome growing up, you know the one that you will meet Prince Charming, get married, and live happily ever after? Well, Disney can suck it because that is not real life. After I was on failing marriage number 2, I just threw all of the expectations I placed upon others in the garbage.
Once you realize you can still have dreams about your life but with dropping the expectations regarding other people, you really start to live your life at the moment. An expectation placed on someone else is actually just a premeditated resentment.
11. Live to work, not work to live
If I could do it all over again, I would have tried a myriad of different jobs when I was younger or researched a lot of different careers and chosen one that fit me best.
Once you decide on a career path that you could really see yourself doing for the rest of your life, you then become someone in the workforce that truly lives to work because they love their career of choice.
Many people are stuck in jobs they dislike just to garner a pay check and that is not an ideal existence.
12. Save for the unexpected
This should be a no brainier but I did not do this when I was younger. I am now watching my parents live out their retirement and it has me thinking about all the things I need to do so that I am financially secure when I am older.
Life will constantly be changing and probably continue to throw you unexpected curveballs so saving for upcoming hardships is a smart and sound decision. One of the most useful advice to younger self, I must say.
13. Give back more
I found out later in my life that I enjoy helping others. For some, this could entail volunteering time with a charity, or taking special care of a close friend that is going through a hard time. Giving a part of your time to do something that benefits you in no way, shape or form keeps you grounded and thankful for what you do have.
It is so rewarding to forget about your problems in life by taking time to invest in someone else. When you do something just out of the goodness of your heart and expect nothing at all in return, you surprisingly feel better about life no matter what is going on.
I lived a good part of my life bitter and angry about a few events that happened to me and for a while, I truly believed it was 100% the other person’s fault. Once I realized that holding forgiveness towards others and myself for past mistakes was holding me back from happiness, I made a change.
It took me a while to be willing to forgive but I was able to work through it and experience freedom. Once you are able to truly let go of past hurts made by yourself or others, you see life and love in a positive light.
15. Don’t waste too much time on negative people
Women in their 40s want you to remember this all the damn time. Sometimes it is hard to get away from negative people if they are your co-workers or your family. In some situations, you do not have a choice but with actual friendships you can choose what type of friends you want to spend most of your time with.
If you are at the end of a relationship where that person is a taker vs. a giver it’s time to set boundaries or slowly end the relationship.
Once you begin to learn proper boundaries to set with people you would rather not have to deal with every day, life becomes easier because you choose not to let that negative person affect you any longer.
16. No is a complete sentence
I have a hard time saying no. I want to say yes all the time and make everyone happy but that is impossible. If I do say no, many times I want to justify my no or explain the situation so the other person will feel better about my no.
The older I get the more I realize that no really is a complete sentence and I do not have to justify every reason why I am not able to commit to an event or able do something for someone else. Once you are confident in your ‘no’, it’s easier to make decisions for yourself instead of others.
17. Think long and hard before you say ‘I do’
I am part of the divorce rate in America which is hard to admit but I now know what I want, desire and deserve in a mate. It is so easy to get caught up in the feelings and emotions of relationships.
I considered the time invested with that person and I wanted more than what I currently had so I got married and hoped that things would change for the better.
For myself, in the end, they only got worse. If you don’t see longevity in your current relationship or you have too many “if onlys” with that person, then you might not be with your ideal mate. It’s much easier to end things with someone before they get too serious.
If you have reservations about certain things in your relationship or you want to change core aspects of the personality of your partner, it is probably best to move on.
This is so simplistic but we currently live in a world where everyone is connected to an electronic device or the internet and it is becoming harder and harder to unplug and just enjoy everything that makes life worth living.
Stop to enjoy a sunrise or sunset every once in a while, sit under the stars on a night with few clouds. Stop and smell the flowers. Go visit the ocean or the mountains and admire nature.
We live in a world where Ferris Bueller is so right – “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Start practicing this before you turn 40.
19. Stop caring what others think of you
Another very important piece of advice to younger self.
I so wish I would have figured this one out much sooner. I was so concerned with what others thought of me that I oftentimes responded or did things for others because I thought that is what they wanted to hear or what they wanted me to do.
Once I realized that what others think of me is really none of my business I was able to live life with the right motives instead of the wrong ones.
Once you are able to be yourself and forget caring what other people think about you, life gets better because the worry and the expectation of pleasing others are removed. The truth is it is impossible to please everyone, so you need to focus on yourself and just wear the bikini anyway.
20. Embrace change
When I was younger I wanted things to be predictable, to be stable, and for the most part to stay the same. It felt safer to think that my life will be pretty much the same through the years. When I was then confronted with numerous changes all at one time, I did not handle it well.
I have since realized that the only thing I can count on in life is change. Once you are able to embrace change and know that life can take a variety of different turns, you are up for the challenge and better suited to accept whatever comes your way.
So, these were a few thoughts that women turning 40 want all women in their 30s to know. Which of these lessons from women turning 40 resonated with you the most? What are your plans before you turn 40? Do let us know in the comments down below!
You might have noticed a recent trend in semicolon tattoo and wondered what it means.
The semicolon tattoo represents solidarity with those struggling with mental health issues or a reminder to those who are winning their own personal struggles every day when they choose not to give in.
The trend was started by Project Semicolon, but it is so much more than a trend. They explain its significance as follows:
“A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.”
Project Semicolon is dedicated to providing hope and love to those who are struggling with depression, suicide, addiction and self-injury. Their mission is to inspire those who self-harm, or are considering suicide, to choose a better alternative—for themselves and for their loved ones.
Although the campaign has gained considerable exposure in the media in recent weeks, it has been ongoing for two years now. Initially it was intended for the semicolon to be a temporary marker on the skin to raise awareness, but the campaign had such a strong response that people are embracing permanent tattoos, as well as temporary ones.
It all began in April 2013 when founder, Amy Bleuel, posted a request on Twitter encouraging others to draw semicolons on their wrists on April 16th to break their silence about their struggles with mental illness. Bleuel, whose father died by suicide in 2003, has had her own struggles with mental illness, self-harm and suicide attempts. So she lives with a keen awareness of the importance of choosing to stick with life.
The project doesn’t provide a helpline service—although they do provide details of where people can seek such urgent care. They focus on education and inspiring those who are suffering to choose recovery.
In this light, the semicolon tattoo has had a powerful effect:
It is a reminder of personal inner strength to those who wear it.
It is a visual aid to bring the wearer back to the power of choice.
It is a conversation starter, which leads to…
Increased awareness and understanding around mental health issues.
It is breaking the taboo around mental health discussions.
Using the hashtag #ProjectSemicolon, the project has also become a means of connecting with others living with depression, suicidal thoughts and self-harm—enabling people to support and encourage each other, and promote the real possibility of recovery.
This project is an inspiring example of the effect each of us can have on the world. Seemingly simple acts can have far-reaching ripples. Project Semicolon has an ambitious vision and they are inspiring others to remember there is another way, other than self-harm and suicide.
The vision is that, for the first time, people feel what real love is. The vision is that people see the value in their story. The vision is that suicide is no longer an option to be considered. The vision is that everyone loves one another regardless of the label they wear. The vision is to reduce suicide rates in America and around the world. The vision is that drugs and alcohol are no longer an escape to be used. The vision is that blades are put down. The vision is that for the first time steps are taken towards recovery. The vision is that society no longer pushes mental illness, suicide, addiction and self-injury under the rug. The vision is that for the first time conversations are being started. The vision is that everyone comes together as a community and stands together in support of one another. The vision is hope, and hope is alive. The vision is LOVE. You are not alone. Your story isn’t over yet.
~ Amy Bleuel, Founder & President of Project Semicolon
Do you know the answer to the simple yet unanswered question “What is the purpose of your life”.
Have you ever wondered what’s the reason for your existence? If you haven’t figured it out before moving to the wrong path.
A few days back, I was reading an article about a man in the mid-30s who left his high paying professional job to pursue his passion. I wondered what made him so dissatisfied that he quit his job to follow his passion. After a lot of thinking, I framed two questions to get the specific answers out of it. I will try to answer these two questions to the best of my knowledge.
Who am I?
Purpose of my life?
In this world, many people are dissatisfied with their profession, relationships, social needs, etc. This is because they are living in an artificial world having inner emptiness.
As a child, we are conditioned to accept our identity and our likings, which has nothing to do with our true selves. External expectations put a lot of social pressure on us. Due to this social conformity somewhere, down the line, our true self is lost.
People love me because of who I am or do people appear to love me because of what they want me to be. If I match their expectation then they show their love for me, otherwise, we are not accepted in society.
This is the reason we are unable to get the answer of who am I.
Until you got the answer of who am I, probably you will not be able to find the key to the purpose.
In this world, we perform various roles such as children, parents, and we act according to the schemas attached to these labels and designate values.
Now there are many labels attached to a person and we pick up any label say mother, then my purpose of life becomes to take care of my children. If we meet a doctor and ask what is the purpose of life then he will say take care of my patients. Now, if a person is very sincere about his job, most of the time he/she makes that purpose of life.
Here we are the confusing purpose of life with the role I am playing in life. For doctors, healing is the purpose of my life or it’s a profession or responsibility of my life.
The common mistake that we all are making is that we have misunderstood our purpose with the roles we are playing, the responsibilities that we are to execute, relationships that we are to commit.
Therefore the goal of life should not be confused with purpose, because a profession can change from time to time but the purpose of life is mine.
We can do a small exercise to get the answer to Who am I? Sideline the various roles/labels that we are playing in this world and you will reach the final answer to who am I.
And I found that I am the Soul/energy/consciousness who is running this body and playing all the roles and building relationships. I am this pure being/energy/consciousness.
My main purpose in this world to come to this body is to exchange energy and come into action with other souls.
The inherent nature of the soul is to love and to be loved because the soul is part of God. Love of God is resting in the heart of every living being but we have forgotten that love.
So we are trying to find that love and experience the pleasure in so many ways in this world but which is not satisfying the needs of our soul. We are pure, love full, and happy being/Soul as we have the personality of god only because our soul is part of the super soul which is God himself, but this has been forgotten.
Side-lining all my roles in this world, I realized that I am pure being/Soul Who’s the purpose of life is to love and be loved.
See like this…
Inherit nature of Soul:
Peaceful being – Then purpose becomes to create peace
Happy being – The purpose becomes to create happiness
Love full being – The purpose becomes to give love
Now my purpose of life becomes:
I am a happy being playing a role of Father/Doctor etc. in this world.
As we grow, we keep on adding a lot of labels of relationships, profession, etc. we have created so many layers over us that we forgot who we really are.
We are busy protecting these labels that we have forgotten ourselves and your true self became more and more dissatisfied. We are playing all the responsibilities properly still we are not satisfied because not being able to experience ‘actual me’.
Are you a good receiver? It might sound like a funny question but it is an important one that each of us should ask ourselves.
Strangely, most of us are better givers than we are receivers.
We give to our children, our spouses, our friends, charities and, contrary to what we might think, most of us are actually very good at giving. But receiving; now that is another matter. We often feel subtly uncomfortable when receiving. Even compliments get deflected when they come our way. Someone pays us a compliment for helping them move or clean up the house and we say, “Ah, it was nothing.” Or someone compliments us on an outfit we are wearing and we feel inclined to mention how we bought it at a discount instead of simply enjoying the compliment and letting it nourish us. The compliment is a gift to us, and when we don’t receive it properly we are dishonoring the giver.
Receiving is actually harder to do than giving.
Giving is easy, as there is much pleasure in giving, but receiving is an art that takes practice. To be a good receiver requires intimacy, allowing others in our life, however momentarily. It is always a pleasure to be in the presence of a good receiver, to enjoy the way they receive. Being a good receiver is honoring the giver and giving them back something.
Many relationships are suffering not because people are not giving to each other, but because they are not receiving from each other.
We should receive the love, respect compliments, and acknowledge one another every time giving occurs. We should practice receiving all the pleasures that happen to us daily, not take anything for granted. Think of how many simple everyday gifts from life we are constantly being given: the beauty of nature, the sound of children playing, art, stimulating conversations. Are we truly receiving them when they happen to us, or are we busy, preoccupied with other matters, not noticing? We should master the art of receiving, be a good receiver and accept the gifts life offers us.
We are taught that it is better to give than receive, but this wrong. It is better to give and receive.
If we think it is better to give than receive, this suggests that there is something wrong with receiving. There is nothing wrong with receiving; in fact we want to receive more, let life shower us with gifts, pleasures, joys, surprises, both large and small, and we want to show our appreciation for all these things. The more we can receive, the more we can give back, but the reverse it not true. Giving more does not necessarily mean we can receive more. We must remember that it is harder to receive than give, and work on this part of ourselves so that we become good receivers and givers, with both in balance.
Be a good receiver and let life’s many blessings nourish you deeply.
Notice how much there is to receive and don’t be selfish or distracted; receive it generously and abundantly, showing your appreciation every opportunity you can. This gratitude will send out vibrations of energy that will attract even more blessings to you. This is the alchemy of mastering the art of receiving. This practice will nourish you well.
Controlling unwanted thoughts is not the problem. Believing, trusting, or taking direction from them is.
How often have you heard people say, “Control your thoughts, control your life?” Or “You are what you think about.” Or, “What you think about is what you will attract.”
What these statements don’t take into account is the fact that our brain generates all sorts of thoughts, many of which come without notice, and some are good and some are not very good; in fact, some, are downright hurtful and self-destructive. You don’t want to have the latter, you don’t ask for them, and nor do I. But they come on unpredictably. But are they so unpredictable?
Our Automatic Brain (AB for short) has one function—to protect us from danger, threat, or vulnerability. When it detects such, it releases an electrochemical response that we know as the fight or flight response. But this reaction is not simply you getting scared. This AB reaction leads us into behaviors and emotions that sometimes show up as fear, anger, rage, or even sadness, depression and withdraw.
However, what most people don’t realize, and what set me on this quest to begin with, is that this brain also creates thoughts so that we fight and flee danger.
Thoughts can be the most troubling and interfering element on any road to growth or success. And this should tell you something as it did, and still does, tell me. What it tells me is that nothing comes out of the blue—not negative behaviors/emotions or thoughts.
If this premise is correct that means that negative thoughts arise from our AB trying to protect us from something. The actual thoughts, in my opinion, are less important than what is going on when the negative thoughts arise. For instance, if you get a thought while driving that you are going to lose control, suddenly, swerve and hit the concrete barrier or person on the side of the road, your AB is simply trying to shake you into focus to protect you from the “danger” of driving.
Or if you are hiking and cannot bring yourself to the edge of the overlook because of thoughts that you are going to lose control and fling yourself off, that’s your AB.
But what about the negative thoughts that pop into your head when things are going well, or you are succeeding and moving ahead. These come on because your AB detects some danger, threat, or vulnerability from your success.
2. Understand that unwanted thoughts always arise in order to protect you.
3. Try to identify the circumstance that caused the thought.
4. Realize that the circumstance is unlikely dangerous at all.
5. Don’t fight the thoughts. It is more normal to get negative thoughts than not.
6. Recite in your mind, “There is no danger, there is no threat, I am safe,” whenever getting the thoughts.
7. If you get a negative thought that is particularly hurtful, finish it off. For instance, if you get a thought that says, “I’m a loser.” Finish it by saying in your mind, “Yes, I am a loser. I am a loser if a play a game I know nothing about. But since my life is not a game and I play by my own rules I am a winner.”
I suggest you don’t try to control your thoughts. Follow these steps and it will help you accept them, but more importantly help you so you do not always believe, trust, or take direction from them. Doing so will elevate your health, peace of mind, and “live your everyday extraordinary”!
