Emotionally Overwhelmed or Feeling Trapped In An Abusive Relationship? Here’s What You Can Do

 / 

, ,
Emotionally Overwhelmed Feeling Trapped An Abusive Relationship

When you are trapped in an abusive relationship, feeling emotionally overwhelmed and mentally exhausted are just two of the many negative emotions you go through. But, you cannot stay in a relationship like that forever, can you?

Emotionally overwhelmed.

Feeling trapped.

I was emotionally overwhelmed. Feeling trapped. Like there was no way out.

When I was in the final stages of an abusive relationship my self-esteem was shot. I was numb to my feelings. I wasnโ€™t allowed to have anyway. His always took priority over mine.

I was a zombie, just trying to survive.

I feel trapped. Emotionally overwhelmed.

I kept thinking.

I miss the old me.

I thought.

How did I become this person?

I barely recognized myself anymore.

These are the words I hear from so many of you who write to me each day:

I want my power back

Yep. I know what that feels like.

I know your pain.

But donโ€™t worry. It doesnโ€™t have to be this way.

Codependency

Narcissistic relationships are codependent ones. This is how it works.

Narcissists have suffered deep childhood trauma. To cope with this pain, they create a False Self โ€“ an inflated sense of self and ego.

This False sense of Self-demands an insatiable need for validation and admiration. That comes from outside of themselves, external sources. As long as they get this they donโ€™t have to face their true selves. So they look for the perfect supply.

And thatโ€™s us. Codependents. We are the right match.

Codependents like nothing better than rescuing others.

Helping them overcome the trauma of their past.

We put their needs and feelings above our own. We focus all our attention on them. We tell them how much we believe in them, even when we start to see the first signs theyโ€™re not good for us. Ignoring those red flags.

That is what a narcissist needs. Someone whoโ€™ll put them first. To feed off and make them feel good about themselves.

Related: 5 Big Life Questions Every Smart Woman Should Be Able To Answer

Narcissistic Abuse

The narcissist believes they have found what they need and start by being nice to us.

They love to bomb us and sweep us off our feet. The relationship will go on fast forward. Theyโ€™ll push for commitment quickly and want us all to themselves.

This feels flattering at first, but itโ€™s all part of their plan to isolate and control us. They need to protect their supply.

Narcissists canโ€™t keep their mask up for too long. Particularly with those who get close to them.

When it slips we start to see the real them. That darker, abusive side.

Intimate relationships scare them. If we get too close to them we might see their true selves. The one their False Self guards and protects at all costs. This is way too painful for them, too close for comfort.

They need to push us away. Sabotage the relationship. Thatโ€™s when they hurt us.

Itโ€™ll be emotional. Or physical violence.

But then after abusing us, they fear to lose us. Or more to the point, losing their supply.

They need to get that back, no matter what it takes. So they hoover us.

Hoovering

Their False Self goes back into action in full force. Saying how sorry they are, telling us they love us.

That wasnโ€™t me.

That was my troubled past; because you said or did this; โ€ฆ. (insert anything here that is about them blaming someone or something else for their behavior, not them)

They need to gain back control. Make us dependent on them again. Need them, adore them, love them, feed their ego again.

If we ever question their bad behavior or abusive actions, they use insidious manipulative tactics. Like gaslighting.

Theyโ€™ll lie to your face, even when they know you know theyโ€™re doing so. Theyโ€™ll accuse you of doing exactly the abusive thing theyโ€™re doing. Claim theyโ€™re the victim, not you.

Theyโ€™ll bring others in as back up. Allies they tell you to agree with them. Youโ€™re the crazy one.

If we ever have feelings. Get angry or upset over what theyโ€™ve done to us, theyโ€™ll flip it to deny them. Tell us we imagined it, exaggerate things or that we are too sensitive.

We are always to blame for them and their behavior. If not, theyโ€™d have to face the truth. Itโ€™s them. Their true selves. The one theyโ€™re running from and donโ€™t ever want to have to face.

Repeat this cycle over and over. Itโ€™s no wonder we end up confused.

Itโ€™s more complicated than that.

Related: Self Liberation: How To Rewrite Your Toxic Life Stories

Codependents also have deep-seated insecurities.

A fear of abandonment. In some ways, we too have a troubled or at least, dysfunctional past.

We subconsciously feel someone who is damaged and needs us is unlikely to leave us.

When our abusive partner hurts us. Push us away. That fear is palpable.

Weโ€™ll do anything to get them back. Have them tell us they love us again.

Couple this with low self-esteem and abuse thatโ€™s diminishing it further.

We start to believe we are to blame.

It must be me.

We stay. We push all our feelings down and focus on theirs. We need to make them happy again. Itโ€™s up to us to fix things.

The trouble is a narcissist’s need for approval, admiration, and adoration is like an empty bucket. You will never fill that need.

All those years of trying to do this, in the hope youโ€™ll fix the relationship. Get that loving person you believe is trapped inside the back. Itโ€™s killing you instead.

Youโ€™re left emotionally overwhelmed. Feeling trapped. Nothing youโ€™ve tried has worked so far and now youโ€™re spent. Wondering where the old you went.

That was me. I was a shell of myself.

The thought of leaving them is terrifying. Especially if thereโ€™s the complication of kids. But, the thought of enduring more of this pain and the rest of your life like this is gut-wrenching too.

No wonder youโ€™re feeling trapped.

You need to try something else.

How about letting go? Stop trying to save them from themselves.

What about thinking about you for once? Where are you in all this? What about putting your needs first?

You are not his (or her) therapist. Their mother (or father). They are an adult capable of looking after themselves.

So, first things first. Itโ€™s time to take your focus away from them.

Look after you.

Stop wasting your energy, when itโ€™s better used to heal you instead.

Itโ€™s time to take your power back.

If the fear of the future scares you. If big decisions about whether to leave them or not overwhelm you. Donโ€™t think about that now. You donโ€™t need to know all the answers just yet.

You just need to take the first baby steps to recovery and forging a healthier path.

First things first.

This is what they are.

Here Are 5 Steps That Can Help You To Recovery

1. Detach

Do your best to detach from them and their behavior. Itโ€™s not your fault or responsibility. Allow them to feel the consequences of their own actions. Instead of always picking up the pieces for them.

2. Put You First

Start by doing one nice thing for yourself every day. Whatever that is. A surf. A walk with your dog on the beach. A bubble bath. A guilt-free purchase of something that makes you feel good. One nice thing every day.

Related: How To Build Your Belief In Yourself

3. Join a Support Group

Join a support group in person or online. That was invaluable for me. Sharing and listening to others like me gave me a sense of relief. I wasnโ€™t alone. Many were further down the track than I was. I learned from them too. Applying their experience and knowledge to my own situation. I did and it worked.

4. Get Professional Help

Seek professional help and support. You canโ€™t do this alone. Get professional advice and practical help. Including financial or legal advice to know where you stand. Iโ€™ve listed domestic abuse helplines here.

5. Knowledge is Power

Read every self-help book you can get your hands on. Knowledge is power. This is what I did. Understanding narcissistic abuse and codependency gave me the tools I needed to break the cycle.

If youโ€™re emotionally overwhelmed. Feeling trapped, focusing on you is the crucial first step. Getting support to build your self-esteem is the way to start getting your power back.

You donโ€™t need to make big scary decisions like leaving your relationship right now.

When you need to know the answer to that, youโ€™ll be strong enough to decide.

Are you emotionally overwhelmed? Feeling trapped? Do you want the old you back? Let me know in the comments below.


Written by Vivian McGrath
Originally appeared on Unbeatable.com

emotionally overwhelmed pin
Emotionally Overwhelmed Feeling Trapped An Abusive Relationship Pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Response

  1. Rupa Avatar
    Rupa

    Hi…very valuable advice.It seems like u were speaking directly to me . I want out ….not strong enough to do so yet .covid ..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

Waiting Mode Anxiety: Why It’s Holding You Back from Taking Action

What Is Waiting Mode Anxiety? 8 Ways To Overcome It

In today’s fast-paced world, where every moment counts, the concept of “waiting mode” has become an all-too-familiar experience for many. Whether you’re awaiting an important meeting, a doctor’s appointment, or any other significant event, the relentless countdown can hijack your focus and productivity.

In this article, we’ll delve into the nuances of waiting mode anxiety, understand its underlying causes, and explore practical ways to break free from its clutches.

What is Waiting Mode?

Waiting mode i



Up Next

Spiritual Meaning Of Hawks: 12 Deep Dream Interpretations

Spiritual Meaning Of Hawks: Deep Dream Interpretations

Have you spotted a hawk or dreamed about it during a crucial period? According to the spiritual meaning of hawks, you might need to focus on the bigger picture! 

Hawks, with their keen eyes and majestic flight patterns, have long been revered across cultures for their spiritual significance.

Many believe that these powerful birds serve as



Up Next

How To Calm Down Quickly? 5 Best Tried And Tested Self-Calming Methods

How To Calm Down Quickly? Five Best Self-Calming Methods

We all have moments when we feel extremely overwhelmed and stressed out, and no matter how hard we try, it feels impossible to calm down quickly. So, how to calm down quickly? This article is going to talk about some of the most effective ways to calm down quickly, that won’t be hard on you but will also be good for you in the long run. . 

When you experience intense anxiety, anger, or sadness, you might need to calm yourself. Do you know how? Itโ€™s important that you find self calming methods that work best for you. Give these methods a try!

How To Calm Down Quickly? 5 Best Self Calming Methods



Up Next

What Is Identity Diffusion And How To Find Yourself

What Is Identity Diffusion? Four Powerful Ways To Find Yourself

Have you ever found yourself questioning who you truly are? Feeling lost and uncertain about your identity is a common experience that many adults face at some point in their lives. This phenomenon is known as identity diffusion. Letโ€™s explore what is identity diffusion and how to find yourself.

What is Identity Diffusion?

Identity diffusion is a concept that explores the complexities of self-discovery and personal growth. It refers to a <



Up Next

How To Overcome Low Self Esteem And Insecurities

How To Overcome Low Self Esteem And Insecurities: Ten Tips

When you look in the mirror, who do you see? A confident, self-assured individual or someone riddled with doubts and criticisms about themselves? If itโ€™s the latter, you are certainly not alone. Letโ€™s find out how to overcome low self esteem and insecurities. 

How to Overcome Low Self esteem and Insecurities

Millions worldwide grapple with the question of how to overcome low self esteem and insecurities. The good news? Itโ€™s entirely possible to change your narrative and begin a journey towards sel



Up Next

How To Develop Leadership Skills

How To Develop Leadership Skills: Practical Strategies

Have you ever wondered what sets an exceptional leader apart from the ordinary ones? How do they inspire and guide their teams to achieve remarkable results? The answer lies in their well-developed leadership skills. Letโ€™s explore how to develop leadership skills so that you can achieve the success you truly deserve. 

How to Develop Leadership Skills

Leadership is not just a title or a position; it is a set of qualities and abilities that can be cultivated and honed over time. Whether you aspire to lead a team at work, in your community, or even within your own family, developing



Up Next

Unpacking Parentification Trauma: The Burden of Growing Up Too Soon

What Is Parentification Trauma? Seven Types, Effects and Healing

The excitement of childhood is beautiful, when your biggest worry was whether your favorite cartoon was on TV. Some kids don’t have a childhood as carefree. Parentification trauma becomes a real issue when a child is thrust into the shoes of a grown-up.

The child takes on responsibilities beyond their years. It’s like playing a role in a movie you didn’t audition for. This is the reality for those who’ve experienced the issue โ€“ a lesser-known yet impactful challenge that shapes lives in unexpected ways.

What is Parentification Trauma?

It might be your question, though–what is parentification trauma? The trauma occurs when a child is placed in a role that reverses their expected position within the family dynamic.