2. Improve your mind
What does improving your mind even mean?
It means putting in the work to slow down your thinking, and taking responsibility for your thoughts.
You slow down your thoughts (upstream) by removing/minimizing as many of the stressors from your life as possible and then have a mindfulness practice of some sort (which just means you carve out some time to slow the fuck down and be present with whatever you’re doing).
Now on to taking responsibility for your mind.
Someone who is unwilling to take responsibility for their minds (and their lives) is perpetually placing themselves in the role of the victim. And victim consciousness is so rampant in modern society that it’s easy for it to slip through most people’s radars undetected.
The man who has jealous thoughts about his partner cheating on him, so he tells her that she has to change her life to cater to his insecurities. Or the woman who views all women as competitive and catty so she avoids having any female friends because guys are just easier to get along with. Or the man who crumbles in the face of the slightest sign of aggression in others because his father’s anger used to terrify him as a child.
All three of these examples are of people who are unwilling to face and own a certain part of their own minds (insecurity, competitiveness, and anger respectively) and so they aim to bend the world to their reality instead of doing their work and reclaiming these disowned shadow elements.
So what have you disowned in yourself? What have you made wrong, or scary, or unloveable in your own mind? Acknowledge the disowned shadow element, have a dialogue with it, and then integrate it.
So, for the previous example of the man who is afraid of the anger of others because his father used to be angry, this man would need to first face his own capacity for anger. He would have to acknowledge that, given the right circumstance, he has the exact same capacity for the anger that his father did. And then he would need to enact his anger (in mindful, healing ways) in order to make friends with that part of himself.
3. Improve your health
Good diet, drinking lots of water, prioritizing quality sleep, cultivating and honouring your personal boundaries, and investing in your social circle… the fundamentals are fundamental for a reason.
Do these and thrive. Or ignore them at your peril.
Eat food at consistent times. Don’t have your meals be too big. Have at least half of your meal be colorful, varied vegetables.
We’ll all heard this advice for years, and yet it’s still difficult to consistently prioritize. But as long as you’re making food choices like these ones 80% of the time, you’ll be doing just fine.
For more on this, check out my article The Better Sex Diet: Exactly What I Eat Every Day.
1. Drinking lots of water
Drink 2-4 liters of water per day. Find this tip hard to implement? Buy a BPA free water bottle that you like, and fill it up every morning and afternoon.
2. Prioritizing quality sleep
As much as the cult of productivity would have you believe otherwise, our bodies and minds need sleep.
Do whatever you can to get to bed at a consistent time (preferably before 10 pm) every night, in a cool temperature, darkroom.
If your mind is racing, write down your thoughts in a journal. If you (for some reason) have to look at screens within two hours before going to bed, wear blue light blocking sunglasses to protect your circadian rhythms.
3. Cultivating and honoring your personal boundaries
Being ready and willing to say no and hear no is a necessary life skill if you’re going to maintain your sanity.
You must be willing to face the disapproval or disappointment of others in order to do what is right for you in your life.
Being boundaries doesn’t mean that you should arbitrarily go out looking for ways to disappoint people… but an attractive man knows when to honor himself by saying no to things that don’t serve him.
4. Investing in your social circle
A lack of friends in your life is as bad for you as smoking a pack of cigarettes per day (so says a study that recently came out of Harvard University).
If you find yourself feeling chronically lonely, then investing in your social life is a must.
Not sure where to start? Check out my article How To Make Friends As An Adult to kickstart your process.
4. Put energy into grooming
Every man wants to be able to feel 100% confident in how he looks, smells, and feels when he’s getting close to someone he finds attractive.
Similar to the amount of energy that you should be putting towards your diet or your exercise, your personal grooming doesn’t need to take up much energy in your life.
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Occasionally showering is generally a good call.
Get a quality haircut that fits your face shape. Wash well. Be meticulous about your oral hygiene. Deep dive on your self-cleaning once per week. If you feel so inclined, pick a signature scent that you enjoy wearing.
Small hinges swing big doors. By investing just a bit of time (on a daily, and weekly basis) in your personal grooming, you’ll be a more attractive man in no time.
For more on this topic, check out my article The Ultimate Guide To Male Grooming: 50+ Head To Toe Tips.
5. Know thyself
An attractive man is a man who knows himself. He knows what he likes, and what he doesn’t like.
He has hobbies, passions, and interests that nourish him, and he engages them regularly.
He has sexual preferences because he knows who he is and what he responds to.
He knows what needs he needs to get met throughout the various compartments of his life, and he makes his needs a consistent priority.
He can be flexible in many areas of his life, but he is not in the habit of abandoning himself or ignoring his needs long-term.
If you are in a phase of self-discovery (aren’t we all) then you will likely know that self-knowing comes from two things. It comes from having experiences, and from observing yourself. So if you are having a hard time figuring out what it is you want out of life (hobbies, friends, partners, etc.) then ramp up these two elements.
Do more things. And reflect more (through meditation, self-observation, journaling, etc.).
One without the other quickly becomes draining. So always make sure you’re balancing the two with one another.