How to ensure that your marriage is worth saving?
This is how to tell for sure.
How do you know if your marriage is worth saving? It’s an unfortunate place to reach in a marriage.
Taking a lifetime vow and then feeling disconnected from it can be a lonely, confusing, even frightening reality. Simply questioning, “Is my marriage worth saving?” speaks to the fragility and potential demise of the union.
However, there are ways to slow down the frantic questioning and answer it once and for all.
Questioning the value and salvageability of your marriage can happen at any point and for a variety of reasons.
Infidelity early on, for example, may make the betrayed spouse wonder if it’s better to just “cut bait” and move on. And the unfaithful spouse may wonder how they ended up marrying the wrong person instead of waiting for this newly found ideal.
Then there are those who find themselves in an unhappy marriage at 50 and beyond. They may have already raised their children and slaved in long careers to reach their long-anticipated empty nest and retirement.
With all that once kept their lives moving at a fast pace, the sudden pause often sparks the query,“Is my marriage worth saving?”
The trend for couples in their later years to divorce after long marriages would seem to answer that question with a tragic “no.” Gray divorces have increased in frequency, despite a decrease in the American divorce rate for the past 20 years.
Why, you may wonder, would people married so long decide to quit?
A lot of factors are frequent culprits. Differences in financial management, kids leaving home, and simply losing interest in one another are common reasons.
But asking, “Is my marriage worth saving?” doesn’t ask for excuses or even valid reasons for divorcing. It asks about the value of marriage.
Is it worth saving? And sometimes, people are afraid to dig down to that question because its answer might dictate an uncomfortable or inconvenient course of action.
If you’ve grown uncomfortable or unsure in your marriage, how do you go about deciding if your marriage is worth saving? And if you truly feel unhappy, how do you know if you should stay in an unhappy marriage or divorce?
Here is how to tell if your marriage is worth saving — once and for all.
Here are some reasons your marriage may not be worth saving.
1. Do you or your children feel unsafe?
Some things are non-negotiable. And safety tops the list.
If you or your children are experiencing physical or emotional abuse, it is imperative that you get help… And get out.
Seeking expert help is an essential adjunct to leaving, as the guarantee of your safety may require numerous forms of intervention.
2. Has your spouse cheated?
This is not a carved-in-stone reason to end your marriage. After all, more than half of those marriages rocked by infidelity manage to survive.
But affairs don’t happen in a vacuum, and both spouses will have their own roles to take responsibility for. And at the heart of all the introspection is the question, “Is my marriage worth saving?”
3. Is the trust gone?
No marriage can survive without trust. Trust is as foundational as love and respect.
If you feel in your gut that you just can’t trust your spouse — what they say, do, promises — your marriage may not be salvageable.
4. Are your values still in alignment?
People change over time. Circumstances and personal experiences shape and reshape thought patterns, beliefs, and even values.
A couple that works on emotional intimacy will usually evolve together. They will still have their individuality, but they manage to course alongside a common set of values, priorities, and goals.
If you and your spouse don’t even agree on the fundamentals anymore, you’ll find yourselves in constant turmoil.
Raising children will involve ongoing conflict. Charting your future will be stalemated. And if you don’t end up arguing all the time, you may end up drifting apart out of self-preservation.
5. Is there addiction?
The presence of addiction isn’t a reason in and of itself to end a marriage. People with addictions enter into marriage. And addictions enter into marriages. It’s what the addict and those around him do about the addiction that matters.
No addiction can thrive, unless it can feed on denial and co-dependence. And no one can thrive if the addict is still “using” and denying the need for help.