How To Tell If Your Marriage Is Worth Saving


Your Marriage Worth Saving

How to ensure that your marriage is worth saving?

This is how to tell for sure.

How do you know if your marriage is worth saving? It’s an unfortunate place to reach in a marriage.

Taking a lifetime vow and then feeling disconnected from it can be a lonely, confusing, even frightening reality. Simply questioning, “Is my marriage worth saving?” speaks to the fragility and potential demise of the union.

However, there are ways to slow down the frantic questioning and answer it once and for all.

Related: Lack of Communication in a Relationship Sometimes Lead to Divorce according to Studies

Questioning the value and salvageability of your marriage can happen at any point and for a variety of reasons.

Infidelity early on, for example, may make the betrayed spouse wonder if it’s better to just “cut bait” and move on. And the unfaithful spouse may wonder how they ended up marrying the wrong person instead of waiting for this newly found ideal.

Then there are those who find themselves in an unhappy marriage at 50 and beyond. They may have already raised their children and slaved in long careers to reach their long-anticipated empty nest and retirement.

With all that once kept their lives moving at a fast pace, the sudden pause often sparks the query,“Is my marriage worth saving?”

The trend for couples in their later years to divorce after long marriages would seem to answer that question with a tragic “no.” Gray divorces have increased in frequency, despite a decrease in the American divorce rate for the past 20 years.

Why, you may wonder, would people married so long decide to quit?

A lot of factors are frequent culprits. Differences in financial management, kids leaving home, and simply losing interest in one another are common reasons.

Related: Studies Reveal That Men Gain More From Marriage Than Women

But asking, “Is my marriage worth saving?” doesn’t ask for excuses or even valid reasons for divorcing. It asks about the value of marriage.

Is it worth saving? And sometimes, people are afraid to dig down to that question because its answer might dictate an uncomfortable or inconvenient course of action.

If you’ve grown uncomfortable or unsure in your marriage, how do you go about deciding if your marriage is worth saving? And if you truly feel unhappy, how do you know if you should stay in an unhappy marriage or divorce?

Here is how to tell if your marriage is worth saving — once and for all.

Here are some reasons your marriage may not be worth saving.

1. Do you or your children feel unsafe?

Some things are non-negotiable. And safety tops the list.

If you or your children are experiencing physical or emotional abuse, it is imperative that you get help… And get out.

Seeking expert help is an essential adjunct to leaving, as the guarantee of your safety may require numerous forms of intervention.

Related: Conscious Parenting: The Art Of Raising Happy Children

2. Has your spouse cheated?

This is not a carved-in-stone reason to end your marriage. After all, more than half of those marriages rocked by infidelity manage to survive.

But affairs don’t happen in a vacuum, and both spouses will have their own roles to take responsibility for. And at the heart of all the introspection is the question, “Is my marriage worth saving?”

3. Is the trust gone?

No marriage can survive without trust. Trust is as foundational as love and respect.

If you feel in your gut that you just can’t trust your spouse — what they say, do, promises — your marriage may not be salvageable.

4. Are your values still in alignment?

People change over time. Circumstances and personal experiences shape and reshape thought patterns, beliefs, and even values.

A couple that works on emotional intimacy will usually evolve together. They will still have their individuality, but they manage to course alongside a common set of values, priorities, and goals.

Related: Sliding vs Deciding: The Dangers When It Comes To Marriage

If you and your spouse don’t even agree on the fundamentals anymore, you’ll find yourselves in constant turmoil.

Raising children will involve ongoing conflict. Charting your future will be stalemated. And if you don’t end up arguing all the time, you may end up drifting apart out of self-preservation.

5. Is there addiction?

The presence of addiction isn’t a reason in and of itself to end a marriage. People with addictions enter into marriage. And addictions enter into marriages. It’s what the addict and those around him do about the addiction that matters.

No addiction can thrive, unless it can feed on denial and co-dependence. And no one can thrive if the addict is still “using” and denying the need for help.

6. Do one or both of you have contempt?

There’s more than just subjective reasoning behind contempt ranking as the number-one predictor of divorce.

Marriage researcher John Gottman has determined it to be the worst of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” when it comes to destructive communication styles in relationships. It is vile, hateful, demeaning, and seething with disrespect.

While contempt can be reversed and worked through, it is the most foreboding sign of a marriage’s demise.

Related: 30 Pieces Of Marriage Advice From People Married For Over 30 Years

Here are the reasons that you should work at saving your marriage.

1. You feel overwhelmed and stressed by work and kids.

Stress kills. It destroys the health of the body and it destroys the health of relationships.

People in the grip of stress react in ways outside their normal patterns. In an effort to concentrate and find solutions, they may withdraw, go silent, even lapse into depression. They may also become more reactive without thinking first about what they say and how they say it, stop taking care of themselves and even self-medicate.

None of these behaviors are good for a relationship, obviously. But in response to the question at hand, they don’t need to be deal-breakers.

What would your marriage look like if you had the skills to manage your stress more effectively? How would your communication look if you and your spouse could get away from the stress and focus on your marriage for a while?

2. You still respect one another.

Respect is such an integral attribute to a healthy marriage that its presence — even in the worst of times — is telling.

If you and your spouse still respect one another, you have a foundation for empathy, trust, and a willingness to work. Then your marriage is worth saving.

Compare a respectful relationship to one mired in contempt, and you will realize how much you have in your favor.

Related: Can A Person With Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Have A Good Marriage?

3. You have children and are good parents.

Unless your marriage is facing demons like abuse, addiction, and contempt, look at the whole picture.

Is your own unhappiness cultivated by a lack of time and attention to your relationship? Is it worth throwing in the towel if your children are happy and you and your spouse have good relationships with them? Have you taken any therapeutic steps to work on your marriage?

While there are situations more stressful on children than divorce, the breakup of a family has profound effects on children.

If nothing else, your children can be a motivation to dig deep and be honest in your examination of your marriage.

And remember, you’ll always be connected to your spouse, whether you’re parenting together or from separate homes.

Related: How to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Children: 3 Crucial Lessons To Teach

4. You’re both willing to work.

Relationships work much easier and more effectively if both parties jump into it together. But even if only one person is willing to do self-work on behalf of the relationship, the relationship can survive.

Even the slightest willingness to take the first step — to reach out for help, to modify your own behavior, etc. — is a statement of hope.

A mutual willingness to work is your encouragement to hold on and do whatever’s necessary to save your marriage.

Related: How You Can Rebuild, Realign and Save An Unhappy Marriage

5. You enjoy one another.

If you can still smile and laugh together, the spark of your love is there. Do you enjoy a night out together, even if it’s just to a movie or a casual dinner?

If you’re avoiding one another at all costs, your marriage may have deeper issues to resolve. But if you can tap into the love and enjoyment that defined the early days of your romance, you have a lot to build on. It means your marriage is worth saving.

Answering the question, “Is my marriage worth saving?” involves more than jumping ship based on current feelings. Couples get bored with one another, life pours on stress, and energy becomes a coveted commodity.

Related: 5 Common Boundaries In Marriage That Every Couple Should Swear By

Chances are that you have plenty of days at work when you “hate your job.” But what are the chances you just throw up your hands and quit, even when you’re not getting everything you want?

What kind of process do you go through, and how much effort do you invest to improve your situation before leaving? Isn’t your marriage worth even more than what you would give to your career?

If nothing else, picture yourself on the other side of the fence 10 years from now. Now look down at the grass you’re standing on. Chances are, it’s no greener than the grass you’re standing on right now.

So, what do you think? Is your marriage worth saving? Leave a comment below.

Originally appeared on: Your Tango
(Reprinted with permission)

Your Marriage Worth Saving pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The 3 Most Common Types Of Cheaters: Uncovering The Love Fraudsters

Most Common Types Of Cheaters: The Silent Echoes Of Deceit

In every love story, the sweet haze of romance often hides some unsettling figures lurking in the shadows—figures of deceit that can turn sweet stories bitter. When it comes to infidelity and cheating, you might be a bit surprised to know that there are different types of cheaters, mainly 3 types of cheaters.

Revealing these types of cheaters might bring out uncomfortable truths, but they’re important for understanding the complex world of human emotions. Through their different ways of dishonesty, they show the complicated and tangled nature of cheating. Each one represents a warning about the rough patches that love can sometimes

Up Next

The Zodiac Wife Handbook: Which Zodiac Wifey Are You?

Twelve Zodiac Signs As Wives: Accurately Revealing Zodiac Traits

Have you ever thought what kind of wife would you make? Let’s take a look at the zodiac signs as wives and what unique value they bring to their marriage!

Astrology offers an intriguing lens through which to view human personalities and tendencies. The zodiac provides archetypes that can help us understand individual quirks and attributes.

Marriage, as one of life’s most significant relationships, is a particularly interesting area to explore astrologically.

Below, we delve into what each

Up Next

5 Brutal Reasons Divorced People Threaten Married People: The Challenging Dynamics Revealed

Divorced People Threaten Married People: Five Brutal Reasons

Have you ever wondered why some divorced people threaten married people? It’s an intriguing phenomenon that can stir up a range of emotions and reactions. 

The truth is that married people are threatened by divorced people in ways that may surprise you. In this article, we’ll delve into five compelling reasons behind this intriguing dynamic.

Read more here: 9 Warning Signs Of Resentment In Marriage And How To Deal With Them

What Are The Possible

Up Next

Revitalize Your Marriage: 5 Easy Steps To Recharge Your Relationship

Revitalize Your Marriage: Five Easy Steps That Can Help

Do you feel like the romance has gone from your marriage? Are you wondering how to revitalize your marriage or how to recharge your relationship? This article is going to explore in detail some of the underrated and best ways to revitalize your marriage. 

Have you ‘lost that loving feeling’ with your mate? What began as a small sense of separation has grown into a gaping chasm that competes with the Grand Canyon?

If your marriage is like many, then that state of affairs is understandable. Among the thousand things competing for your attention each day, your spouse is just one more on the list.

It’s not that you don’t care, you’ve just fallen into a routine. Both of you have slowly walked int

Up Next

The Anatomy Of Marriage Failure: 5 Major Reasons Why Marriages Fail

5 Major Reasons Why Marriages Fail: Breaking The Vows

There can be so many reasons why marriages fail, but there are a few major causes of marriage failure that might not seem like a big deal but can prove to be the final nail in the coffin for your marriage. Let’s find out the top reasons why marriages fail. 

The divorce rates for first marriages have declined in recent years and are now down from 50 percent to just over 44 percent (World Population Review, 2023). The rates rise to 60 percent for second marriages and 73 percent for third marriages (, 2023).

According to the data offered by the Pew Research Center,

Up Next

Exiting The Infidelity Maze: 5 Ways To Get Out Of An Extramarital Affair

Get Out Of An Extramarital Affair: 5 Ways To Break Free

Sometimes ending an affair, especially when it’s an extramarital affair can be a slippery slope for many. However, it’s important to get out of an extramarital affair if you want to save your family and marriage (if that is your prerogative). This post is going to explore how to get out of an affair and how to end an affair. 

Even though 84 percent of Americans believe that infidelity is morally wrong, the infidelity rate in the United States has been slowly on the rise (Pew Research Center, 2014).

Zuckerman (2020) reported that approximately 20 pe

Up Next

Love, Laughter, And Forever: 40+ Inspiring Happy Marriage Quotes

40 Best Marriage Quotes That Will Touch Your Heart

Love is a flame that ignites our hearts, and marriage is the union that binds two souls together for eternity. Let these inspiring marriage quotes remind us that true love knows no boundaries and endures all things.

Heartwarming Happy Marriage Quotes 

1. “A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” – André Maurois

2. “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” – Dave Meurer

3. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin

4. “A long-la