5 Common Boundaries In Marriage That Every Couple Should Swear By

 / 

,
Boundaries In Marriage

Being in a relationship and being married are both different things altogether. When a couple has to spend years together, respecting their individual time and space becomes crucial for a strong and healthy marriage. That’s when setting healthy boundaries in marriage comes forth.

Are you newly married and are you wondering about some common boundaries in marriage? Do you want to be proactive and get ahead of problems before they start and do you know that setting some boundaries, some ground rules, is a key way to do this?

Good for you! Unfortunately, many of the most common, and most effective, boundaries are often the ones most easily violated, sometimes by mistake and sometimes on purpose.

How to Set Boundaries in A Marriage

Let me help you review what are the most common boundaries in marriage, learn why they are important, see how they can be violated, and understand what can be done to prevent this from happening.

Here’re 5 Healthy Boundaries in Marriage

1. The importance of time apart.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

Clear your misunderstandings in time.
Common Boundaries In Marriage

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love. You know the old saying โ€˜absence makes the heart grow fonder?โ€ Itโ€™s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you canโ€™t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream? Itโ€™s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder. Unfortunately, this is one of those boundaries that are easy to violate, oftentimes unintentionally. As a matter of habit, we tend to fall into patterns that include spending all of our time with our partners.

And while that can seem great at first, over time that can create issues such as losing touch with friends and getting sick of spending time with our partner. And being sick of spending time with your partner can be a real relationship killer. So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

2. Donโ€™t let one person be in charge.

In many marriages, it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven a marriage changes.

In many marriages, at the beginning decisions are largely shared. What to do, where to eat, where to travel, these are all decisions made by a couple together. What often happens, though, is that after the kids are born, decision-making tends to fall to the primary caregiver.

control your life.
Healthy Boundaries in Marriage.

This doesnโ€™t happen for any reason other than efficiency โ€“ the raising of children is a chaotic job and the family usually revolves around them. Decisions need to be made quickly, on the fly sometimes, or more deliberately at other times. And, more often than not, the primary caregiver is the person present to make those decisions.

And this, while efficient, will ultimately create a power imbalance that can kill any strong marriage. So, make an effort to keep the decision-making even in the marriage. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him the opportunity to choose events.

If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why. Work together to make as many decisions about the kids and your family together. Not letting either one of you be in charge is important.

3. Respect for each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in marriage is a lack of respect and contempt. Working hard to maintain respect for your partner is essential.

Respect for each other.
Common Boundaries In Marriage

The saying โ€˜familiarity breeds contempt is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships. As time goes on, personalities can clash and unsettled issues can simmer. As a result, partners can lose respect for each other. How can you be in a happy marriage when you donโ€™t respect your partner?

Read 4 Ways To Restore Respect in a Relationship

Unfortunately, it is easy to fall into the trap of losing respect for each other. You can keep yourself out of the trap by speaking to each other honestly and sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each otherโ€™s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, itโ€™s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you do not tell something about your partner to anyone that you havenโ€™t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didnโ€™t do our relationship any good because we werenโ€™t communicating and giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married. So, make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

4. Be your own person always.

One of the most important common boundaries in marriage is always staying true to yourself, no matter what. So many people, when they get married, become less of themselves. They take on their partnerโ€™s friendships, their hobbies, and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that everyone stay when in a relationship. Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

Common Boundaries In Marriage
Setting Healthy Boundaries: Importance of Boundaries In A Relationship

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

Unfortunately, staying in a relationship can be difficult. Marriage is hard and long and itโ€™s hard not to evolve in such a way that mirrors our partner.

In order to maintain a connection, one person might take up golf, at the expense of their favorite game of tennis, to be with her partner. Or one person may give up a career because their partner is threatened by their success.

When these things happen, marriages are tested and often fail. People can fall out of love with the changed person next to them or perhaps become sick of this person who has lost themselves completely. So, be yourself in your relationship. A healthy relationship requires it.

5. Be forgiving.

One of the most important, and common, boundaries in marriage is the importance of being forgiving. Everyone is human and everyone makes mistakes. Over the course of a marriage, there can be many, many mistakes. And if those mistakes are left to fester, a marriage can be destroyed.

It is important that people learn how to forgive in relationships. This doesnโ€™t mean to forget but to work to understand why your partner did what they did and to learn to accept it and move on. To not let the transgression fester, to not be dealt with.

Unfortunately, being able to forgive in a marriage can be very difficult, hence the very high divorce rate in America.

Read 7 Ways Forgiveness Can Transform Your Marriage

More often than not, when one person betrays another, in ways large or small, the betrayal is not properly dealt with. The betrayed doesnโ€™t adequately express their dismay and/or the betrayer doesnโ€™t sufficiently take responsibility for their actions.

Instead, the transgression gets added to the bank of resentment that exists on both sides of the relationship, creating an imbalance between contempt and love. This can often lead to divorce.

So, if your partner has betrayed you, work hard to forgive them. Talk with them openly about how you feel and give them the opportunity to apologize and take responsibility for the hurt they have caused you. Give yourself the opportunity to forgive them so that you can both move on and be happy!

There are many common boundaries in a marriage that, when established can proactively help you keep yours healthy.

Unfortunately, many of them are easily violated but, with some awareness and action, you can prevent those violations from happening and keep your relationship strong.

Donโ€™t ever forget the importance of spending time apart, of keeping the balance of power equal, of maintaining respect for each other, of being yourself always, and working hard to forgive.

Forgetting these things, either by mistake or on purpose, can derail your marriage in a way that you might never get back. And I know that you donโ€™t want that!

Written By: Mitzi Bockmann
Originally Appeared On: Let Your Dreams Begin

Frequently Asked Question (FAQs)

What are unhealthy boundaries in relationships?

The major unhealthy boundary in a relationship is controlling behavior. Also, unhealthy boundaries in relationships can be a lack of respect in the relationship, isolating yourself from your partner, and a struggle with your self-worth.

When boundaries are crossed in marriage?

When you no longer feel respected and cared for. When your emotions are not considered and there is no honest communication with your spouse, the boundaries are crossed in your marriage.

Are boundaries controlling?

Controlling behavior is just the opposite of setting healthy boundaries. Controlling is what you decide for others to do whereas, setting boundaries refers to how you choose not to entertain certain behaviors of others to you.

5 Common Boundaries In Marriage That Every Couple Should Swear By
5 Common Boundaries In Marriage That Every Couple Should Swear By
Boundaries In Marriage pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

How To Date A Widower? Finding Love Again

Dating A Widower: Tips and the Red Flags You Can't Ignore!

Picking yourself up after losing a spouse is a traumatizing experience. Learning how to date a widower will allow you to provide a safe space for healing for the man you love and care for.  

If you’re thinking about dating a widower, it’s important to know how to handle things. It can be a tricky road to navigate, but can provide you with a loving and fulfilling relationship.

This article is here to help you out. We’ll give you some simple tips and advice that can make things easier for you.

How To Date A Widower? 

When it comes to dating a widower, it’s essential to approach the relationsh



Up Next

A List of High Standards in a Relationship: Non Negotiable Must-Haves You Shouldn’t Settle for

Big Standards: List of High Standards in a Relationship

When we talk about how we behave in relationships, we’re really talking about who we are deep down. Many people wonder what makes a good relationship tick, so we’ve put together a list of high standards in a relationship.

When pondering “what are standards in a relationship,” we are not referring to arbitrary rules but rather the essential principles that elevate your love to new heights. Stick with us as we go through what it takes to make a strong and healthy connection with someone special.

What are standards in a relationship?  

We each possess a unique threshold for behavior, traits, and values, below which we are unwilling to tolerate a partner. But here’s the fascinating paradox โ€“ while we all have these s



Up Next

Cold Feet Or Clear Signs? 8 Major Warning Signs You Are Marrying The Wrong Person

8 Warning Signs You Are Marrying The Wrong Person

Marriage is one of the most profound commitments one can make in a lifetime. The idea of spending the rest of your life with someone can be both exhilarating and terrifying. Most of us have a mental checklist of the qualities we want in our significant other, and often, we are vigilant for the obvious red flags: dishonesty, incompatibility, or a mismatch in values. But what about the more subtle signs you are marrying the wrong person? The uncommon warnings that lurk in the shadows, often overlooked?

It’s essential to pay attention to these because they can provide insight into potential pitfalls in the future. In your quest for lifelong happiness, it’s vital to ensure that you’re not just seeing what you want to see, but rather, you’re unders



Up Next

What Is New Relationship Energy? 11 Clear Indicators You’re Basking In The Honeymoon Glow

What Is New Relationship Energy? 11 Signs of Honeymoon Phase

Love is an extraordinary emotion that can create a whirlwind of feelings and experiences. When a new relationship blossoms, it often comes with an intense and exhilarating energy known as “new relationship energy”. But what is New Relationship Energy, exactly?

This captivating phase can be both enchanting and transformative, but it’s important to understand its nature, signs, and what happens when new relationship energy wears off. In this article, we delve into the world of new relationship energy, exploring its definition, identifying its signs, and examining the changes that occur when its initial fervour subsides.



Up Next

Husband Ruined My Self-esteem: How He’s Eroding Your Self-image (10 Things You Should Do To Reclaim Your Power)

Husband Ruined My Self-esteem: Powerful Things You Can Do

My husband ruined my self-esteem. So many of us women start doubting ourselves or forgetting how valuable we are, because of the treatment we receive from our supposedly โ€œbetter halfโ€.

Self-esteem is the foundation upon which many aspects of our lives are built. It influences how we view ourselves, our abilities, and our place in the world. 

Relationships, especially intimate ones, have a profound impact on this delicate structure. When a spouse, specifically a husband in this context, behaves negatively, it can erode a woman’s self-worth. 

If you think, โ€œHusband destroyed my self-esteemโ€, stay tuned and delve into understanding self-esteem, its importance, the signs it’s been destroyed, and how to rebuild it.



Up Next

The 3 Most Common Types Of Cheaters: Uncovering The Love Fraudsters

Most Common Types Of Cheaters: The Silent Echoes Of Deceit

In every love story, the sweet haze of romance often hides some unsettling figures lurking in the shadowsโ€”figures of deceit that can turn sweet stories bitter. When it comes to infidelity and cheating, you might be a bit surprised to know that there are different types of cheaters, mainly 3 types of cheaters.

Revealing these types of cheaters might bring out uncomfortable truths, but they’re important for understanding the complex world of human emotions. Through their different ways of dishonesty, they show the complicated and tangled nature of cheating. Each one represents a warning about the rough patches that love can sometimes



Up Next

12 Zodiac Signs As Wives: Accurately Revealing Zodiac Traits

Twelve Zodiac Signs As Wives: Accurately Revealing Zodiac Traits

Have you ever thought what kind of wife would you make? Letโ€™s take a look at the zodiac signs as wives and what unique value they bring to their marriage!

Astrology offers an intriguing lens through which to view human personalities and tendencies. The zodiac provides archetypes that can help us understand individual quirks and attributes.

Marriage, as one of life’s most significant relationships, is a particularly interesting area to explore astrologically.

Below, we delve into what each