Narcissists and people with Cluster B personality disorder thrive on ruining special occasions like birthdays and holidays. But why? Because narcissistic people are entitled and love the attention.
Narcissistic people and holidays
If you are reading this, it means you have a narcissist in your life. And so it is crucial for you to realize that narcissists simply love to ruin holidays and leave you trying to make sense of all the toxic drama. However, the fact is, despite your best attempts you can never make any sense of their narcissism. They feel empowered by turning a time of joy and happiness into a time of suffering and tears. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, then there is no doubt that the holidays are a terribly dreaded time for you.
Narcissistic people believe that the holidays are a great time to make a special effort to spread their toxicity by distorting expectations and cultural norms around the holidays. They will start by pretending to be warm and cheerful and find incredible ways to manipulate, control and hurt you. Irrespective of whether you are celebrating the holiday or not, they will never miss this opportunity to feed their fragile ego and almost non-existent self-esteem.
Read also: Why Are Narcissists So Dangerous For Us?
Holidays and birthdays are a favorite time for narcissists because such festivities are stress triggers and by spoiling the festivities, they can easily shatter your self-esteem and feelings. Counselor and recovery expert Sharie Stines, Psy.D. explains “Narcissists have a tendency to practice seasonal devalue and discard during the holidays, focusing these abuse tactics on their nearest targets and closest partners.” But why do they act like this? Because they need to be the center of attention. However, there are a number of other reasons. Sharie adds “Because they have no empathy and cannot handle intimate relationships and are compelled to do what it takes to destroy them.”
Why narcissists spoil holidays
Here are a few common reasons why most narcissistic people are so keen on ruining your birthdays and other special occasions:
1. Narcissists hate intimacy
Holidays are all about intimacy and responsibilities. It is about strengthening bonds and making memories by sharing positive experiences. Sadly, narcissists hate building healthy, strong bonds with anyone. Intimacy is something they are afraid of as it requires them to take care of others and be responsible for them. Intimacy makes them anxious and they are incapable of dealing with being vulnerable. As this anxiety triggers the fight or flight response in them, they either run away or ruin the holidays for everyone.
2. Narcissists lack of empathy
The holidays are all about giving and sharing happiness. But narcissistic people can never experience the joy in making others happy as they lack empathy. Moreover, they don’t like to waste their time celebrating someone else – whether it’s their birthday or graduation or a promotion. Instead, they feel envious and jealous that people are celebrating someone else’s achievements and not theirs. As this experience becomes intolerable for them, they ruin everything for others.
3. A desperate need for attention
And it doesn’t matter if the attention they get is good or bad. If you are not making the festivities about celebrating the narcissist’s glorious existence, then they will make sure to get your attention by hurting others. According to an article from Divorce Mag, “If it’s not all about them in a good way, they’ll make it all about them in a bad way. Either/Or it makes no difference.”