Why do narcissists ruin holidays? Because narcissistic people are entitled and love the attention. Narcissists and people with Cluster B personality disorder thrive on ruining special occasions like birthdays and holidays.
Narcissists and holidays
If you are reading this, it means you have a narcissist in your life. And so it is crucial for you to realize that narcissistic people love to ruin birthdays and holidays and leave you trying to make sense of all the toxic drama. However, the fact is, despite your best attempts you can never make any sense of their narcissism. In fact, you become even more confused about their toxic behaviors during Christmas as they tend to become more aggressive. So you ask yourself “why do narcissists ruin Christmas?” You are left wondering “why do narcissists ruin holidays?”
Simply because they feel empowered by sucking the joy out of everyone else’s life, by turning a time of happiness into a time of suffering and tears. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, then there is no doubt that the holidays are a terribly dreaded time for you.
Narcissistic people believe that the holidays are a great time to make a special effort to spread their toxicity by distorting expectations and cultural norms around the holidays. They will start by pretending to be warm and cheerful and find incredible ways to manipulate, control and hurt you. Irrespective of whether you are celebrating the holiday or not, they will never miss this opportunity to feed their fragile ego and almost non-existent self-esteem.
Read also: Why Are Narcissists So Dangerous For Us?
Holidays and birthdays are a favorite time for narcissists because such festivities are stress triggers and by spoiling the festivities, they can easily shatter your self-esteem and feelings. So if you are confused about “why do narcissists ruin holidays?“, that’s your answer. They don’t want to see you happy. So narcissists ruin birthdays. Narcissists ruin special occasions. And narcissists ruin your happiness and mental peace. The reason? A narcissist can’t stand your happiness.
Narcissists are masters in seasonal devalue & discard especially during celebrations and they use their abusive tactics on people who are closest to them. But why do narcissists ruin holidays? Because they need to be the center of attention. However, there are a number of other reasons. As they lack empathy and are unable to deal with intimate relationships, they are compelled to destroy them.
Why do narcissists ruin holidays?
Narcissists ruin birthdays and holidays. Narcissists ruin celebrations even when all your family and friends are there to have a good time. It’s gives them more satisfaction to ruin your happiness than to celebrate the occasion. Here are a few common reasons narcissists ruin birthdays and other special occasions:
1. Narcissists hate intimacy
Holidays are all about intimacy and responsibilities. It is about strengthening bonds and making memories by sharing positive experiences. Sadly, narcissists hate building healthy, strong bonds with anyone. Intimacy is something they are afraid of as it requires them to take care of others and be responsible for them. Intimacy makes them anxious and they are incapable of dealing with being vulnerable. As this anxiety triggers the fight or flight response in them, they either run away or ruin the holidays for everyone.
2. Narcissists lack of empathy
The holidays are all about giving and sharing happiness. But narcissistic people can never experience the joy in making others happy as they lack empathy. Moreover, they don’t like to waste their time celebrating someone else – whether it’s their birthday or graduation or a promotion. Instead, they feel envious and jealous that people are celebrating someone else’s achievements and not theirs. As this experience becomes intolerable for them, they ruin everything for others. This is the one of the most honest answers to the question – why do narcissists ruin holidays?
3. A desperate need for attention
And it doesn’t matter if the attention they get is good or bad. If you are not making the festivities about celebrating the narcissist’s glorious existence, then they will make sure to get your attention by hurting others. When it comes to holidays and celebrations, if it’s not all about the narcissist in a positive way where the get all the attention, they will become toxic and make it all about them in the most negative way possible. All they want is the attention.
4. Narcissists love misery
When trying to figure out why do narcissists ruin holidays, we have to consider the fact that they thrive on misery. It’s like their default setting. They thrive in misery. Hence, when they find an environment that is full of love, joy and positivity, they try their best to make it miserable. These are toxic individuals who spread their toxic energy to others and make the happiest of environments miserable. Destroying your happiness is like winning the Nobel Prize for them. That’s why a narcissist ruins birthdays and holidays.
5. New source of narcissistic supply
Still wondering why do narcissists ruin holidays? It’s because they need admiration and attention from codependents. Narcissistic supply is the reason why narcissistic people often cancel dates or holiday plans at the last moment. Although they may have enough narcissistic supply, yet alternate and new supply makes them feel thrilled and excited. These are newer and unconquered they need to reign over. So when you find yourself excited about a particular event or occasion, the narcissist will jump in at the last moment to ruin it for you. They simply love setting your up expectations and then disappointing you.
What can you do about it?
Holidays and birthdays with the narcissists are a nightmare. A narcissist doesn’t care if an event or a holiday has special meaning to you. They just want to see you as miserable as they are. They are twisted and sick individuals who will do anything to suck the happiness out of you. But is there anything you can do about it? Nope. No matter what you do, a narcissist will never change completely, even with therapy. You can only change yourself.
Here are a few things you can do to overcome the abusive behavior of narcissistic people, when questioning why do narcissists ruin holidays –
1. Don’t buy into their toxic drama
When you react to your narcissist you will only make them feel empowered while affecting your own mental and emotional stability. Simply refuse to play their toxic games. Stay positive and stay busy with your own thing. Do not let them affect your mood and emotions. Avoid taking their toxic words and behaviors personally and focus on your holiday plans instead. It is also important that you remain flexible regarding how you celebrate the occasion.
2. Walk away
The moment you become aware that your narcissist’s toxicity is ruining your holiday, you need to start taking care of your own self in the moment. Simply walk away and avoid them. Realize that you cannot change another person, however you can have complete control over your own thoughts, emotions, attitude and choices. Simply walk out of the room or even the house. you don’t have take their abusive behavior in any way. When you choose to walk away, you will not be asking “why do narcissists ruin holidays?” any longer. You will be free from their abuse.
3. Don’t invite the narcissist
Irrespective of how close they might be to you, if you believe that they cannot be trusted and might ruin the occasion for everyone, then don’t invite them over at all. Be strong and courageous enough to say no, explains Ewa of Soul GPS. If you think that the narcissist might covertly insult others, then just remove their name from the guest list.
4. Create strong boundaries
Narcissistic people hate personal boundaries. But these same boundaries can protect your emotional and mental wellbeing and that of your loved ones. Setting up strong boundaries is crucial to protect yourself from mental, emotional and even physical damage. But remember that boundaries are meant to control your own behavior, not the other person’s.
Empower yourself against the narcissist
Holidays with a narcissist can be really difficult as narcissistic people just love to ruin holidays. But that doesn’t mean you need to allow them to steal your joy, happiness and love. Instead of asking “why do narcissists ruin holidays?“, focus on taking steps to overcome their abuse. When you know that your narcissist will ruin holidays and you realize that you can’t control them, simply detach yourself from their behavior.
Detachment will allow you to take control over your thoughts and emotions, experience inner peace and even salvage the occasion for everyone. By empowering yourself, you can enjoy your holidays just like you did before knowing your narcissist.