When Festivities Turn Sour: 5 Reasons Why Narcissists Ruin Holidays And Birthdays


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Why Do Narcissists Ruin Holidays: 5 Sick Reasons Behind It

Ever noticed how narcissists can turn birthdays or special occasions into a rollercoaster of emotions? Narcissists ruin holidays with manipulation – their presence can make celebrations feel like a storm rather than a sunny day!

So, why do narcissists ruin holidays and birthdays? Because they think they’re entitled and love attention. Narcissists and people with Cluster B personality disorder thrive on ruining special occasions like birthdays and holidays.

Narcissists and the holiday season

If you are reading this, it means you have a narcissist in your life. And so it is crucial for you to realize that narcissistic people love to ruin birthdays and holidays and leave you trying to make sense of all the toxic drama.

However, the fact is, despite your best attempts you can never make any sense of their narcissism. In fact, you become even more confused about their toxic behaviors during Christmas as they tend to become more aggressive.

So you ask yourself “Why do narcissists ruin Christmas?” You are left wondering “Why do narcissists ruin birthdays?”

Simply because they feel empowered by sucking the joy out of everyone else’s life, by turning a time of happiness into a time of suffering and tears. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, then there is no doubt that the holidays are a terribly dreaded time for you.

Narcissistic people believe that the holidays are a great time to make a special effort to spread their toxicity by distorting expectations and cultural norms around the holidays. They will start by pretending to be warm and cheerful and find incredible ways to manipulate, control and hurt you.

Irrespective of whether you are celebrating the holiday or not, they will never miss this opportunity to feed their fragile ego and almost non-existent self-esteem.

Related: Why Are Narcissists So Dangerous For Us?

Holidays and birthdays are a favorite time for narcissists because such festivities are stress triggers and spoiling the festivities, they can easily shatter your self-esteem and feelings. So if you are confused about “why do narcissists ruin holidays?“, that’s your answer.

They don’t want to see you happy. So narcissists ruin birthdays. Narcissists ruin special occasions. And narcissists ruin your happiness and mental peace. The reason? A narcissist can’t stand your happiness.

Narcissists are masters in seasonal devaluation & discard especially during celebrations and they use their abusive tactics on people who are closest to them. But why do narcissists ruin holidays?

Because they need to be the center of attention. However, there are a number of other reasons. As they lack empathy and are unable to deal with intimate relationships, they are compelled to destroy them.

Why do narcissists ruin holidays

Why do narcissists ruin holidays?

Narcissists ruin birthdays and holidays. Narcissists ruin celebrations even when all your family and friends are there to have a good time. It gives them more satisfaction to ruin your happiness than to celebrate the occasion.

Here are a few common reasons narcissists ruin birthdays and other special occasions:

1. Narcissists hate intimacy

Holidays are all about intimacy and responsibilities. It is about strengthening bonds and making memories by sharing positive experiences. Sadly, narcissists hate building healthy, strong bonds with anyone.

Intimacy is something they are afraid of as it requires them to take care of others and be responsible for them. Intimacy makes them anxious and they are incapable of dealing with being vulnerable. As this anxiety triggers the fight or flight response in them, they either run away or ruin the holidays for everyone.

2. Narcissists lack empathy

The holidays are all about giving and sharing happiness. But narcissistic people can never experience the joy in making others happy as they lack empathy.

Moreover, they don’t like to waste their time celebrating someone else – whether it’s their birthday or graduation, or a promotion.

Instead, they feel envious and jealous that people are celebrating someone else’s achievements and not theirs. As this experience becomes intolerable for them, they ruin everything for others. This is one of the most honest answers to the question – why do narcissists ruin holidays?

Related: 20 Narcissistic Terms: A Glossary of Terms for Understanding Narcissism

3. A desperate need for attention

And it doesn’t matter if the attention they get is good or bad.

If you are not making the festivities about celebrating the narcissist’s glorious existence, then they will make sure to get your attention by hurting others.

When it comes to holidays and celebrations, if it’s not all about the narcissist in a positive way where they get all the attention, they will become toxic and make it all about them in the most negative way possible. All they want is attention.

4. Narcissists love misery

When trying to figure out why do narcissists ruin holidays, we have to consider the fact that they thrive on misery. It’s like their default setting. They thrive in misery. Hence, when they find an environment that is full of love, joy, and positivity, they try their best to make it miserable.

These are toxic individuals who spread their toxic energy to others and make the happiest of environments miserable. Destroying your happiness is like winning the Nobel Prize for them. That’s why a narcissist ruins birthdays and holidays.

Related: Beware of the Hook: Narcissists Tend to “Hoover” During the Holidays

5. New source of narcissistic supply

Still wondering why do narcissists ruin birthdays and holidays? It’s because they need admiration and attention from codependents. Narcissistic supply is the reason why narcissistic people often cancel dates or holiday plans at the last moment.

Although they may have enough narcissistic supply, alternate and new supply makes them feel thrilled and excited. These are newer and unconquered they need to reign over.

So when you find yourself excited about a particular event or occasion, the narcissist will jump in at the last moment to ruin it for you. They simply love setting your expectations up and then disappointing you. 

Why do narcissists ruin holidays

What can you do about it?

Holidays and birthdays with narcissists are a nightmare. A narcissist doesn’t care if an event or a holiday has special meaning to you. They just want to see you as miserable as they are. They are twisted and sick individuals who will do anything to suck the happiness out of you.

But is there anything you can do about it? Nope. No matter what you do, a narcissist will never change completely, even with therapy. You can only change yourself.

Here are a few things you can do to overcome the abusive behavior of narcissistic people when questioning why do narcissists ruin special days:

1. Don’t buy into their toxic drama

Narcissists and birthdays never go hand in hand. When you react to your narcissist you will only make them feel empowered while affecting your own mental and emotional stability.

Simply refuse to play their toxic games. Stay positive and stay busy with your own thing. Do not let them affect your mood and emotions. Avoid taking their toxic words and behaviors personally and focus on your holiday plans instead. It is also important that you remain flexible regarding how you celebrate the occasion.

2. Walk away

The moment you become aware that your narcissist’s toxicity is ruining your holiday, you need to start taking care of your own self at the moment. Simply walk away and avoid them. Realize that you cannot change another person, however, you can have complete control over your own thoughts, emotions, attitude, and choices.

Simply walk out of the room or even the house. you don’t have to take their abusive behavior in any way. When you choose to walk away, you will not be asking “why do narcissists ruin holidays?” any longer. You will be free from their abuse.

Related: 5 Ways To Stop Reacting Defensively When Triggered

3. Don’t invite the narcissist

Irrespective of how close they might be to you, if you believe that they cannot be trusted and might ruin the occasion for everyone, then don’t invite them over at all. Be strong and courageous enough to say no, explains Ewa of Soul GPS.

If you think that the narcissist might covertly insult others, then just remove their name from the guest list.

4. Create strong boundaries

Narcissistic people hate personal boundaries. But these same boundaries can protect your emotional and mental well-being and that of your loved ones.

Setting up strong boundaries is crucial to protect yourself from mental, emotional, and even physical damage. But remember that boundaries are meant to control your own behavior, not the other person’s.

Empower yourself against the narcissist

Why do narcissists ruin holidays

Holidays with a narcissist can be really difficult as narcissistic people just love to ruin holidays. But that doesn’t mean you need to allow them to steal your joy, happiness, and love.

Instead of asking “why do narcissists ruin holidays?”, focus on taking steps to overcome their abuse. When you know that your narcissist will ruin holidays and you realize that you can’t control them, simply detach yourself from their behavior.

Related: Why Narcissists Love To Ruin Holidays and Special Occasions

Detachment will allow you to take control over your thoughts and emotions, experience inner peace and even salvage the occasion for everyone. By empowering yourself, you can enjoy your holidays just like you did before knowing your narcissist.

Till then enjoy the holiday 2023 season and don’t let narcissists ruin it!

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  1. Beth Avatar

    My mother, a narcissist, always got the “flu” on special family events. Birthdays, weddings, holidays, etc. we started just making sure we had a full bottle of Pepto Bismal handy and went about the day. Her worst behavior came when she had a fight with my father. He left to cool down and my mom called me and said she was going to kill herself. We lived over 3 hours away. By the time all was said and done over 8 people were involved. My father told me later not to call their neighbor if she did it again. I told him I wouldn’t but would call the police and explain my mother was acting irrational and threatening suicide and asked if or her to be hospitalized for observation. She didn’t try it again.

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