It is often difficult to know that your relationship is over long ago!
Most people I have coached or treated were in relationships they knew were over for a year or so before they actually ended it.
This is actually really common. It happens for many reasons.
- Fear of leaving something.
- Fear of being alone.
- Guilt of hurting someone.
- Hope that it will get better.
Not sure if it’s you or if the relationship really isn’t repairable. Not wanting to be the one who ends it. Thinking you can change someone.
Not wanting to live with something that has “failed”. Kids. Not wanting to move out or ruin the living arrangement. So many reasons. And it doesn’t matter if they’re valid or not. They are all real.
So then how do you know if the relationship is truly over and it’s time to move on?
I think this is one of the most difficult life questions to answer. It really is. I’ve struggled with it so many times.
But here’s the truth.
You will never really really know if the relationship is truly over. I’ve seen relationships rise from the dead. I’ve seen people rebuild after cheating and lying. I’ve seen people who can’t stand each other fall in love again.
There are so many factors, controllable and uncontrollable in a relationship that come into play. There are so many internal shifts that can happen that are unexpected. T
here are revelations we have daily that change the dynamic and our choices. We are indecisive creatures who change like the wind, depending on our feelings and our thoughts.
Fuck, I’m one of the most indecisive people I know.
So it’s not about knowing if the relationship is truly over. Because miracles happen. Because anything’s possible.
Because people change. Because there is no relationship doctor that can predict outcomes with one hundred percent certainty.
It’s about asking yourself this one simple question.
Is the relationship causing you to break up with yourself?
Let me explain.