Relationship Deal breaker : Watch out for the red flags.
Falling in love is a complex process. And, sometimes you miss the signs that can make a difference to your relationship happiness.
In the beginning, you’re either drawn to someone because you have shared interests or because the spark is so strong you can hardly ignore it.
Opposites often attract, and this is because you’re seeking different characteristics to complete yourself.
The person who has a preference for introversion may be charmed by the extrovert’s ease in large social situations, or the planning type might want to live vicariously through their spontaneous partner’s go-with-the-flow attitude.
But when the differences are too stark, they become difficult to overcome. The endearing trait you fell in love with, suddenly becomes a go or no-go situation: a relationship deal breaker.
Getting to know your Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® can help identify your innate preferences – and your partner’s – as well as potential pitfalls.
Armed with the knowledge of your personality types, you can work on accepting each other, and consciously work toward romantic bliss. Or, you can be honest about what you need and make the heart-wrenching call to move on.
Every personality type has its ultimate relationship deal breaker.
Here are the relationship dealbreaker for the Extraverted types:
ESFP: Risk aversion
The typical ESFP has an adventurous streak, and they need a free spirit to join them as they explore life. They might tolerate a random phobia, but generally, their patience wears thin. They don’t want to be unkind – in fact, they make accommodations in the beginning because they are so compassionate. At the same time, they can’t feel stifled in the relationship.
ESFJ: Someone who needs saving
ESFJs are loyal types who want to map out their future and care for the ones they love. While they enjoy a little fun and they give their last dollar to help someone out, long-term ESFJs want to be with someone who has their life together. They want to be giving and receiving love equally, and planning a life jointly, side by side.
If ENTPs are not activating their curiosity and continually learning, they’re going to get bored. Give them the opportunity, and challenge in any arena – including love, and they are satisfied with life.
ENTJ: Perception of disloyalty
These goal-oriented strategic planners are the same in love as they are business. And, they put you through a million tests to judge your worthiness and loyalty. They can be very supportive and share their partner’s success, but if they get an impression that you’re not as loyal to them – whether or not it’s true — you’ll be out so fast your head will spin!
ESTP: Controlling behavior
ESTPs like to swoop in and be the hero. They’ll help anyone out of a bind, and they’ll give you fun, excitement, and gifts when they are in love. Until they need their space to go out and do the things they need to do. If you apply pressure, this gregarious type worries that they are missing out, and any attempts to control them backfire.
ESTJ: Too many surprises
The ESTJ finally falls in love when they can let go of control. That isn’t easy for this take-charge individual. Too much of a good thing isn’t good; though. Anyone who breaks their trust or brings too much instability is not going to last. The ESTJs relationship deal breaker is too many surprises.
ENFP: Close mindedness
The ENFP yearns to be free to explore their dreams. They are open, passionate types, and nothing holds them back. When they feel walls from and are given limits by a significant other, that’s a signal that the relationship can’t move forward.
ENFJ: Emotionally detached
This type has a lot to offer someone in a relationship. They’re warm and giving, and in the end, they want someone to care for them in return. Detached, overly independent types won’t go far with ENFJs. They need someone who nurtures them and their relationship.
Here’re relationship deal breaker for different types of Introverts:
If you don’t take action, your relationship will stop in tracks.
ISFP: Lack of acceptance
ISFPs are deep and creative. They live for their artistry and acceptance of their uniqueness. When they feel appreciated by their loved one to their core, and they are able to enjoy a shared experience of art in its many forms, they want for nothing else. Make them feel rejected and the relationship is over as the last exhibit at the museum.
ISFJs are known for their cautiousness, and to give freely in a romantic relationship, they need to feel safe and secure. They crave love and reassurance. Anything that rocks the boat for them, including insensitivity, callousness, or inappropriate behavior that goes against their high moral standards is likely to have them walking backward and away from a permanent relationship.
The typical INTP is an intellectual, independent thinker. They want someone with whom they can enjoy stimulating conversation and be on the same level without tipping the scale. If you go all needy on them, they turn the other way.
INTJ: Low standards
INTJs want to be the best people they can be. They value personal growth and raising the bar. If their significant other doesn’t invest in themselves and seek out personal achievement, the INTJ becomes disillusioned. If you have low standards for yourself and others – or you break their moral code, that’s a big red flag for them.
The ISTP needs its relationship to be carefree and comfortable. They are practical and grounded and get very unsettled when they must navigate the tricky bits of relationships. If their partner is vague or keeps them guessing, they can’t relax into the relationship. low standards for yourself and others – or you break their moral code, that’s a big red flag for them. So stress is the big relationship deal breaker for ISTPs.
ISTJs are logical, practical individuals. They enjoy it when a partner can bring them out of their shell and help them to relax. If they are pushed too far outside their comfort zone, or if things border on irresponsible, their Spidey senses go off. Break a rule or the law, and your relationship is over!
INFP: Not meeting expectations
The INFP type is idealistic. They want their real-life romance to be even better than their dreams. If they don’t feel a profound connection with their lover, this relationship is going to stall fast. They also keep a running checklist of their ideal mate. Too many strikes, and you’ll be out!
The INFJ wants a love that’s deep and true. They won’t be happy with someone who’s shallow, or fake. They want to love with authenticity and without abandon. Soulmates only. Step aside if you’re not the real deal.
Understanding your type can make you realize how far apart you are with your partner, and what, if anything you focus on to improve your chances of bliss. Recognize your significant other’s type, too, and get real with yourself.
Are you able and willing to cultivate the relationship that you both need, or do you really have a relationship deal breaker?
Either way, you’ll have a better appreciation of this relationship — or a new one.
Lisa Petsinis is a certified coach and a certified Myers-Briggs® type indicator practitioner. Contact Lisa if you’d like to discover your type and learn how you can use it to enrich your life, starting today. You can also sign up for Lisa’s newsletter for even more advice.