To understand how silent treatment in a relationship works read – The Silent Treatment and No Contact…. What Are The Differences?
Repeated cycles of hurt and rescue are emotionally exhausting. This is the same method used in police interrogations to get a person to confess, sometimes even when they are innocent! When the Narcissist returns after numerous stints of the silent treatment, you are emotionally defenseless and more prone to accepting their offensive behaviors in order to avoid their leaving you again. Further, this often leads to your pleading, apologizing, and begging the Narcissist to stay, even when you have done no wrong.
Hurt-and-rescue cycles explain why narcissistic abuse victims experience cravings and obsessive thoughts once No Contact has been executed. According to an experiment inspired by Langer, Blank, and Chanowitz (1978), and recently conducted by Dolinski and Nawrat, when the event that provokes and justifies one’s experience of fear is suddenly removed (i.e., No Contact with the Narcissist), we may experience a short-lasting state of disorientation. During this period of disorientation, people function automatically and mindlessly, engaging in automatic, pre-programmed actions.
In other words, even when we’ve gone No Contact, we tend to engage in the same obsessive thoughts and behaviors as when we were still with the Narcissist and endured the Silent Treatment because our subconscious minds cannot tell the difference.
Are you a victim of narcissistic abuse? Click here to learn – How To Handle Narcissistic Abuse
What it all means
If you constantly wonder about the status of your relationship, ruminate about what you could do differently, believe the problems in your relationship are all your fault, constantly obsess about what your partner is up to, experience mood swings, are constantly fearful and anxious, and/or feel like less of a person than before you met your partner, these are the signs of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and you have been the victim of emotional abuse.
The good news is that you can untangle yourself from the toxic relationship. However, it’s important to understand that the aftermath of emotional trauma needs to be taken seriously. Books can help, but the most effective programs for recovery include going No Contact (with the help of a coach, if necessary), finding a licensed therapist who specializes in emotional trauma, incorporating energy healing techniques, and implementing healthy boundaries.
Want to realise if you are dating an emotional predator? Read – What You Should Know about Narcissists, NPD and their Partners
Interested in learning the Why and How of going No Contact? Check out my eCourse, The Essential No Contact Bootcamp for Beginners.
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