True love scam follows a set five stages.
The pathological predatorโs cycle of survival.
So-called love with a sociopath is a world of hell.
Itโs predictable and inevitable.
True love scam is a nightmare of epic proportions that happens when weโre entangled by a person of โantisocial personality disorderโ. In a word, when weโre ensnared by a sociopath or psychopath. True love scam follows a specific pattern whether the narcissistic hijacking goes on three days or 30 years; and is always devastating, and is always horrific to extract ourselves from. Narcissists, narcs or narcopaths, whatever we call them, hunt prey all day every day, pretend to be what they arenโt, and lie.
Youโre not broken. Someone who didnโt love you convinced you that you are.
What is True Love Scam?
โHalf of the people lie with their lips; the other half with their tearsโ โย Nassim Nicholas Taleb
The phenomenon of true love scam is coming into focus like never before, Itโs been here since the beginning of time, but only in the last five or six years has much of anything about it been found through a Google search. Like me, you whipped out your laptop or smartphone when that guy youโre dating wasnโt around, or when that woman youโve been seeing finally left. When I searched in 2013, I found pretty much nothing, so I started writingโฆ
If you found this article youโve probably experienced a true love scam. And youโre here because you know normal doesnโt cause confusion or pain. The fact that weโre feeling bad, means we do know what normal is, even if we may not have lived it much.
By now a lot of us have heard the words, narcissistic personality disorder, sexual predator, sociopath or psychopath. At this point theyโre even in the news; episodic series on HBO and every other network, and movies are packed with stories about it. And unfortunately, thereโs much misinformation floating around that isnโt directly shining the light we need to see the truth and resolve loss, be safe, heal and become user proof forever.
When they sense and see us seeing through them; when weโre questioning too much, they do their best to bind us more deeply.
The thing is, thereโs a big difference between normal and sociopathy. From our experiential point of view is the place to look. A diagnosis of them isnโt needed. Our experience reveals what weโre facing.
If you experienced the five stages of true love scam, consider yourself as targeted and ensnared by a pathological user, a predator, a sociopath. Thatโs the beginning of finding answers.
Normal vs. Pathological User
โThe toxic behaviors were there before you decided to enter into relationships with them. The signs were there. You may have chosen to look the other way, but the signs were there.โPsychotherapist from Type 1 Sociopathโ โย P.A. Speers
As normal people, when we meet a new person we want to be pleasant and leave it at that. Friendship with normal people goes at an easy pace and blossoms naturally with mutual interest and effort on both sides.
They can sense and know when we know something is wrong. Theyโre working quickly behind the scenes to get as much as they can before they exit; we need to stop the loss in just the same way: behind their back.
True Love Scam is the Survival Lifestyle of the Narcissistic Sociopath
Letโs take a look at the phases of true love scam. I call true love scam a โhijackingโ, a deliberate invasion by a parasite. Every parasite needs a host who knows nothing of their presence in order to survive.
5 Stages of True Love Scam: The Cycle of Taking and Use: What the Predator Does to Survive
- Assess
- Win Trust and Empathy
- Take and Use
- Take and Use More
- Smear: This is their offensive play at self-defense and has been going on since we met
1. True Love Scam by a Parasitic Con Man Requires a Strong โHostโ
Each person an antisocial psychopath meets seen as an object. Their favorite is people who are strong, resilient, resourceful, independent, open, loyal, and in general, really incredible people who are trustworthy themselves. Sociopaths assess everyone for what that person can be used for.
To the sociopath weโre an animated object, a natural resource to serve their purpose โ or not. Sociopaths, people of โantisocial personality disorderโ, do not have genuine friendships or families or partners. Every โrelationshipโ they are โinโ is a scam, a con. Every person is a person they use.
People are an Object Representing Fulfillment of a Sociopathโs Needs
A sociopathโs interest in another human being is sort of like our need for a pair of garden sheers, or an umbrella, a toaster, or a blender. We need those things to accomplish certain goals. Otherwise, we donโt think about them or care about them.
In fact, we have more concern for the condition and upkeep of our blender or toaster than a sociopath does for another human being. Even if we donโt like toast, we wouldnโt destroy our toaster. Sociopaths use and take to the brink of ruin anyone and everyone they use.
What they do care about is getting out attention, getting us to โlikeโ them so that they can use us. Weโre used for anything and everything that it takes to live. We each, as targets potentially (they hope) fulfill a โgoalโ of theirs. A sociopath wants us to like them so they can use us.
2. True Love Scam Requires Our Trust and Empathy Towards the Sociopath
To win trust sociopaths pose as trustworthy. One common sociopath antic is to borrow money and repay it to appear trustworthy in either business or love scams.
To draw out our empathy, they tell sob stories too, tales of abuse and betrayal. This is a hodge-podge of lies to test the depths of our empathy.
Another tricky bit is that sociopaths use words as bait to create a false sense of intimacy with their stories and โaffectionโ or attention. We โfeelโ it and believe them because in the normal world people donโt lie. In the normal world people trust and love. Predators use words to keep us in place.
Never let someone who contributes so little to a relationship control so much of it.
Early Generosity is a Hallmark of True Love Scam
Theyโll buy the groceries, pay the rent or mortgage and talk about many things they plan to do. Theyโll fix things around the house. Buy us gifts. Their attention can be overwhelming, their enthusiasm contagious. Weโre pretty excited. What they are doing is hooking us. There are promises, of a great life. Who doesnโt want that? Itโs normal to want that. Thereโs nothing wrong with us.
3. Sociopaths Take and Steal Things and Influence Us to Give More
While weโre looking straight into the fantasy life spun for us our true love will take as much as possible. Bit by bit, or really, right away; they worm into a kind of control of our lives in minor or major ways.
Know that doubting they did what they did or are as bad as it seems is normal.
Our emotional and mental confusion keeps us in. We simply canโt recognize โred flagsโ, no matter how red they are, or how hard they wave if theyโre signaling something we donโt know exists.
Normal People Try and Compromise and Try More
We behave like normal people; giving as normal people and we โtryโ in relationships when things need fixing. Thatโs normal. In true love scam, we begin to feel like weโre in it alone. We get to a point where we feel weโre the only ones building the relationship. And we are. Weโre amazing: Weโre pulling the weight of our own life and their empty, rotten flesh sack.
When we were laughing with joy at this amazing true love. They were laughing with pride at what they got away with, and how easy we are to scam. Meanwhile, they ruin us behind our backs.
Weโve been working, and trying, and yet, thereโs nothing there but a pile of rubble. The sociopath knows weโll gradually see theyโre lying and using and taking. If they see us seeing through them, questioning too much, they do their best to bind us more deeply.
4. True Love Scam Requires That We Stay Hooked into the Predator
โThe hardest part of being in an emotionally abusive relationship, itโs actually admitting youโre in one.โ โย Anna Akana
As weโre asking questions, challenging their stories they hunker down and take more, more wildly and usually behind our backs. They do things that bind us more deeply into what we still think of as a relationship so they can take more, longer. Itโs our normal natural innate amazing human qualities that pique our emotions and keep us in longer.
Male sociopaths might make sure we have their children. Female sociopaths may claim theyโre pregnant. Theyโll ingratiate themselves to any children we already have. Theyโll act kindly towards younger children โ until they donโt โ they can physically and emotionally assault them.
They may work to remove our children from the equation โ especially older children who could influence us away from the sociopath. Female sociopaths marry and have children only as a meal ticket.
Apologies from a person of antisocial personality disorder, a sociopath, are just as rare as flying fish; and just as
5. The Spiral Down to the Ruining End
โThe quiet but inexorable breaking down of self-esteem is much more sinister โ itโs violation of the soul.โ โ Rachel Abbott
The sociopath digs deeper to ruin our lives, taking more, faster. They might not be home much anymore. Or spend the night somewhere else under some pretense. Theyโre not filling the gas tank anymore. They borrow money but donโt pay it back or just take money. Sex with a con artist sociopath gets strange, harder, or non-existent.
Sociopaths leave us holding the bag. They take responsibility for nothing. Meanwhile, theyโve gotten everyone around us to think theyโre great.
They tell stories about where they were, why they did something or something that happened. These narcissistic types are talkers and storytellers. Their stories are full of holes and lies, but their talking and stories serve a purpose to the narcissistic sociopath.
It Ends In an Unexpected Instant
At any given moment you have the power to say, โThis is not how the story is going to end.โ
For most of us, one specific thing a sociopath does breaks the trance utterly. It might be a lie so obvious the faรงade shatters. It might be we discover of theft or another woman or children. Whatever breaks the momentum of the spell for you, trust yourself, leave, break-up, get them out, be safe.
Though I know you want one, please donโt spend time looking for an admission of wrongdoing or an apology; Apologies from a person of antisocial personality disorder are as rare as feathered fish. And just as genuine. Also, know that doubting they did what they did or are as bad as it seems is normal.
These are Crimes Rather Than Relationships
A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dream, or your dignity.
All their โrelationshipsโ (crimes) are heartless and parasitic. They do not love us, they donโt love anyone. They routinely โwine and dineโ other women, or men, just as they did with us in the early stages. Itโs essential for the antisocial psychopath to keep hoards of victims at a time for their current livelihood and for the upcoming months and years.
They feel no positive, connecting, human emotions; no affection, no love, no concern, no conscience. Even sex is only for control or a high for the sociopath; a primal raw drug to give them some kind of spike forms their normal dullness. Sex is relief from their flat-line boredom. Sex binds people to them. Withholding sex binds us too. Narcissistic sociopaths have no sexual boundaries.
Hello Sadness: Leave Your Shoes On Because You Arenโt the New Me
At this point, we feel horrible. Despair. Sadness. We know something is truly wrong. Take action immediately. Follow your instincts. Without their knowledge, undo any access they have to bank accounts, credit cards, or anything else you own. They know we know something is wrong. Theyโre working quickly to get as much as they can before they exit; we need to stop that in just the same way; behind their back.
When we recognize that our dream man or woman is actually a monster they very often openly, boldly show us who they are. They will brazenly take more. Theyโll laugh as they do it. Theyโll take even more behind our back before they exit. A lot more. This is when the deeper financial damage happens. Sociopaths leave us holding the bag. They take responsibility for nothing. Meanwhile, theyโve gotten everyone around us to think theyโre great.
Sociopaths and the Smear Campaign
Smearing is the final act in the five stages of love scam. This last bit is known as the smear campaign and like everything else in this nightmare, is predictable behavior of a narcissistic sociopath.
So, theyโll tell others things like weโre mentally ill or on drugs, a liar or a stalker. They might post horrible things about us online. Theyโll want everyone to think we treated them badly. Itโs super common for predator sociopaths or narcopaths, or whatever youโre calling them, to file restraining orders or protective orders against us or threaten to get us arrested or to become violent towards us.
Pathological Users Live in an Alternate Universe
We thought it was love, when really when we were laughing with joy at this amazing true love. They were laughing with pride at what they got away with, and how easy we are to scam. Meanwhile, they ruin us behind our backs.
Weโll find ourselves in intense anxiety and distress, this is post-traumatic stress. They want all things to seem like our fault. They paint themselves as the victim in exaggerated and ridiculous melodrama.
We Have the Power to Leave a Sociopath
They need us; we do not need them, even though very early on it felt as if we did. We must protect ourselves from their rage. Getting them out or leaving ourselves is at the top of the to-do-list, like nothing before. Itโs critical that we go understand why we need to go no contact and do it as soon as we can and learn how to deal with a sociopath.
When a sociopath loses their hold on a target they get mad. When theyโre threatened or feel in danger of exposure sociopaths can become violent. They do rash and irrational things to turn things around on their prey in hopes of not going to jail, being exposed or losing.
Study up, talk it out with those who know. Muster the courage to take practical action and make a complete recovery. We will survive and thrive.
Written By Jennifer Smith
Originally Appeared On Truelovescam
Love is something we all look for. We all want someone to steal our heart and sweep us off our feet. We have this innate need of someone who will take care of us, love us and tell us how special we are to them. We all want someone to connect with, to call our own. Unfortunately, there are some people who take advantage of this inherent need to feel loved and use and abuse us for their own sinister gains.
These are predators and abusers who are not just breaking our hearts and leaving us mentally bruised, they are committing a crime against love, against relationships and against humanity. But we can get over this true love scam and rebuild our lives to find the love that matters the most: self love.
You are not a victim, you are a survivor
โIf you walked away from a toxic, negative, abusive, one-sided, dead-end, low vibrational relationship or friendship โ you won.โ โย Lalah Delia
Itโs easy to fall victim to such sociopaths who are hellbent on hurting you. When you open your heart to someone and all they want is to abuse you, then it can leave you scarred for a long time. But you are a survivor. Despite their best con game and all the abuse, you will emerge as a survivor. Understand that it is not your fault. You do not deserve abuse of any sort. The important thing is that you realize you have control and you can leave and create a better life for yourself. How you respond to the situation will decide how you live the rest of your life.
Stand up for yourself. Refuse to be a victim. You have the strength to get through this. You simply need to stop relying on others to protect you. Once you start loving yourself, you will see how free, loving and joyful life becomes.ย
You May Also Like:
Love Bombing as a Narcissistic Attachment Style
The Narcissistโs Soulmate Scam: Identifying a Love Bomber
5 Ways To Disarm A Love Bombing Sociopath
True Love Is Unconditional: A Perfect Marriage Is Not
Leave a Reply