8 Subtle Signs You’re Dealing with a Covert Narcissist (And How to Handle Them!)

Written By:

Eleanor Finch

Written By:

Eleanor Finch

Subtle Signs of a Covert Narcissist You Need to Know to Save Yourself

You may know how to spot a narcissist, but identifying a covert narcissist can be tricky. Here are some signs of a covert narcissist that you need to look out for!

At first glance, they might seem like the perfect friend or colleague, always willing to help and never asking for much in return. But as you spend more time around them, something starts to feel off. They subtly fish for compliments, often downplay their own achievements, but expect recognition in return.

And when they don’t get the praise they think they deserve, they may act hurt or withdraw but without openly saying it. Well, this person has the signs of a covert narcissist!

signs of a covert narcissist
8 Signs Of A Covert Narcissist

Covert or closeted narcissists may not demand the spotlight like a classic narcissist, but their sense of entitlement is just as strong. They struggle with criticism, unable to take it without feeling deeply insulted, and their responses can be passive-aggressive, which can leave you unsure of what just happened.

It’s a subtle, often hard-to-spot kind of narcissism, and here are some signs that you need to watch out for!

Read More: Healing From Narcissistic Abuse: Here’s How To Get Started

8 Signs Of A Covert Narcissist

Dating a covert narcissist can be challenging and emotionally draining. At first, they may seem kind and caring, which can make them appear like the perfect partner. However, over time, you might notice certain patterns that hint at their true nature:

  • They may guilt-trip or subtly try to control you.
  • They might seem affectionate one moment and distant the next.
  • They may expect constant praise and reassurance, yet rarely offer the same in return.
  • They may be indifferent to your feelings or struggles and focus only on their own needs.
  • When upset, they might withdraw emotionally or give you the cold shoulder rather than trying to communicate openly.
  • They rarely take responsibility for their actions and often shift blame onto you or others.
  • They might frequently portray themselves as misunderstood or mistreated to try to seek your sympathy and attention.
  • They may feel threatened by your success or attention from others.

Read More: What is Narcissistic Abuse: 16 Signs To Identify And How To Protect

5 Ways to Protect Yourself from a Covert Narcissist’s Manipulation

1. Set Clear Boundaries

You’ve got to know where your limits are, and don’t let anyone, especially a covert narcissist, push you past them. Be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate, and stick to it like glue. If they try to guilt-trip you, stand firm. You’re not here to be their emotional punching bag, so don’t let them get away with crossing your lines.

2. Avoid Arguing or Trying to “Fix” Them

Newsflash: you can’t fix a covert narcissist. Trying to change them will just leave you frustrated. They’ll twist every conversation, turning it into an emotional maze you can’t escape. Instead of wasting your energy trying to “fix” them, focus on managing how you react. It’s not your job to save them.

3. Don’t Fall for the Victim Act

Covert narcissists are masters at playing the victim. One minute, they’re the poor misunderstood soul, and the next, they’re blaming you for everything that goes wrong. Don’t buy into their sob story. You can empathize without getting tangled in their emotional manipulation. Don’t let them pull you into their personal pity party.

4. Limit Emotional Dependence

If you’re waiting for them to give you the emotional support you need, you’ll be waiting forever. Don’t put all your emotional eggs in their basket. Surround yourself with friends and family who actually care about you. Their validation is nice, but it shouldn’t be your lifeline.

5. Prepare for Resistance

When you set boundaries or stand up for yourself, your partner may push back or act upset. Stay strong and don’t give in, even if they react negatively. Over time, this can help protect your well-being.

Read More: Brain Fog After Narcissistic Abuse? 8 Ways Narcissists Can Muddle Your Brain

Final Thoughts

Being in a relationship with a covert narcissist requires patience, self-awareness, and strong boundaries. While it’s possible to maintain the relationship with careful effort, it is important that you prioritize your emotional health and well-being above everything. Be mindful of their subtle manipulations and focus on what you can control—your reactions.

Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and support. If the relationship consistently harms your happiness or self-esteem, it’s okay to step away and choose a path that brings you peace and fulfillment. Your well-being should always come first.

covert narcissist

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Eleanor Finch

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