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Don’t Underestimate the Power of Wedding Vows

Don’t Underestimate the Power of Vows

Wedding vows are very personalized way of pledging faith, commitment, life and soul to your significant other.

Vows are the cornerstones of the foundation of a committed partnership and taking vows is a practice that defines the context, expectations, and values of that relationship.

Vows provide both partners with a clear understanding of the intentions of each partner and each of their commitments to fulfill them. 

Every marriage has three components, me, you, and us.  Our vows have to do with what you are vowing to me, what I am vowing to you, and what we each are vowing to contribute to the relationship itself. While many couples chose to parts of the “off-the-rack” or generic vows offered by their respective religious traditions “till death do us part”, “to love, honor and obey”“ for better or worse, in richer or poorer, in sickness and health…” etc.) an increasing number of weddings now feature personalized vows that are unique to the couple’s individual and collective needs, contributions and vision for the marriage.

When a couple personalizes their vows, their deepest desires and intentions are illuminated, not only to each other, but to everyone present who serve as supportive witnesses to the couple. In declaring their vows, the couple takes an important step in strengthening their power and firming the spirit in which they are being offered.

Formulating joint vows can be an essential aspect of the deepening of a couple’s love. In this process it can become more evident where you both are in alignment on what you will commit to, and where there may be misalignment. All couples have places where they are not completely in sync with each other.Being misaligned is certainly not cause for alarm, but it’s a good idea to be aware of any areas where differences in points of view or even values may be present.

Read How The End of “Being In Love” Is the Opportunity For “Real, Lasting Love.”

Not all differences need to be or even can be reconciled, and sometimes simply acknowledging them can bring couples a step closer to accepting and perhaps even appreciating them. 

Vows can also serve as a form of commitment renewal, as well as a defining context that a couple sets at the beginning of a committed partnership. Many couples (including us) have renewed their vows or added new ones long after their formal ceremony.

For example, we revisit our vows once or twice a year and share them verbally or in writing with each other. Doing so helps to support each of us to reaffirm our commitment. This can add new content relevant to the conditions that we are experiencing as our bodies and our relationship undergo changes as we age.

We’re including a few examples of vows that you can use as a starter kit to help you come up with vows of your own. There is no limit to the number of commitments that you can include in your vow.

  • I vow to be a worthy opponent and to speak the truth, even when I believe that what I say may disturb you or upset our relationship.
  •  I commit to being honest with you about any grievances or disappointments that I might have so as not to allow any “withholds” or resentments from accumulating and therefore contaminating our love.
  • I pledge to honor you as much as but not more than myself.
  • I promise to manage any jealousy that I might experience in a way that it doesn’t inhibit you from having meaningful relationships with other men and women.
  • I vow to take responsibility for creating a rich, meaningful life for myself, and not hold you responsible for providing fulfillment for me.
  • I am committed to being the best lover, supporter, cheerleader, inspirer, partner, and playmate for you that I can be.
  • I pledge to you that I will keep our sexual relationship vital, even as our bodies change as we age. I will make the extra effort to keep the enthusiasm present in our sexual relationship so that we can continue to delight in that particular form of intimacy. I am committed to bringing pleasure and joy to both of us through our physical relationship.
  • I vow to prompt you to continue to develop your talents and to share your gifts with others.
  • I vow to support you to take risks, try new things and to go to places you’ve never been before.
  • I pledge to be the fierce guardian of your solitude, so you will have abundant time for meditation, reflection, and renewal.
  • I vow to continually, consistently see the divine in you and assist your process of discovering deeper levels of the sacred both within and around you.
  •  I vow to live with an open heart and to encourage your big beautiful heart to open more fully so that service is the defining essence of our life together.
  • I vow that the love we share with each other will be so nourishing that it will spill over to those around us.
  • I vow to take good care of myself and develop my own gifts.
  • I pledge to live a balanced life, and to hold work in its proper place.
  • I vow to trust you to honor the sacred bond that we share and to respect and not exploit my vulnerability. I trust you to reciprocate my trust with yours. I trust you to open your heart to me even when you experience fear or anger, to the best of your ability.  I trust that the nurturing of the love that we share is a high priority in your life.
  •  I vow to love you with all my heart with complete devotion for all of my life.
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Linda and Charlie Bloom

Linda Bloom, LCSW and Charlie Bloom, MSW have been trained as psychotherapists and relationship counselors and have worked with individuals, couples, groups, and organizations since 1975. They have lectured and taught at universities and learning institutes throughout the USA, including the Esalen Institute, the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health, 1440 Multiversity, and many others.  They have taught seminars in many countries throughout the world. They have co-authored four books, 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last, Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth From Real Couples About Lasting Love, Happily Ever After And 39 Other Myths About Love, and That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. They have been married since 1972 and are the parents of two adult children and three grandsons. Linda and Charlie live in Santa Cruz, California. Their website is www.bloomwork.comView Author posts