Marriage vows are packaged in lofty, idealized; one size fits all covenants that are not individualistic or realistic.
Each of us is a unique individual and has different relationship styles and needs and therefore it is time we made promises that are relevant to our unique relationships.
When I walk the aisle someday, I would like to take these Marriage vows that will help the relationship and love to grow in healthy ways.
Here are the vows, I would love to make on my wedding day:
1) I promise to be your best friend, confidant, and lover.
“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever.” — The Notebook
I promise to be your best friend and biggest cheerleader. I promise that I will be your confidant and a safe place for all your secrets and stories. I promise a love that is deep, passionate, compassionate and authentic.
2) I promise to hold a safe space for you to be authentic and vulnerable.
I promise to hold space for you to be 100 percent yourself.I promise to embrace all your wounds and honor your vulnerability.
3) I promise to love myself as much as I love you and to never expect you to complete me.
I promise to love myself and take care of myself and never expect you to complete me or fulfill me.
4) I promise to understand your love language and communicate with you in that.
I promise to take time to understand your love language: whether it’s receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion) or physical touch and I promise to communicate with you in that.
5) I promise I won’t fix you and I won’t expect you to fix me either
I promise I won’t fix you but I will support you while you fix yourself. I do not want to deprive you of your own power and reaching your highest potential and I would expect the same.
6) I promise to support you and encourage you to be your best self and reach your highest potential.
I promise to support you and encourage you to reach your highest potential and if I ever find myself interfering with your wellbeing I will step back.
7) I promise to respect your boundaries and expect the same
I promise to respect your boundaries and I expect the same in return. I want you to pursue your own hobbies, spend time with your friends and expand your horizon. I want both of us to honor each other’s space and solitude.
“I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
8) I promise to work as a team and standby through the dark times.
I promise to work as a team and standby through the tough times. I got your back J
9) I promise to never hold grudges or keep score and expect the same
I promise to never hold grudges or keep score. There would be times when we would need more support and care than other days and we will not keep score of who did more.
10) I promise to be courageous enough to disagree with you if I have to but I will always be loving and kind.
“Respect has nothing to do with who is right and who is wrong. It has to do with allowing space for someone else’s opinion.”
― Jackie Viramontez
I promise to be honest and courageous enough to disagree with you if our opinions differ but I will always do that in loving and compassionate ways.
11) I promise to make time for you
I promise to make time for you every day. I promise to express my love and affection. I promise to speak to you every day and touch you every day.
12) I promise a love that will be healthy and not toxic, free and not binding, supportive and not smothering.
I know that love is a beautiful and transcendental experience. I will not try to bind it in a cage. I promise a love that will be wild and free, supportive but not smothering and a love that will help you grow in healthy ways.
13) I promise a love that is rooted in wholeness and not ego.
I promise a love that is rooted in wholeness and not ego based. I know that true love happens between individuals who find their happiness within and come together to share their overflowing love and joy with the other.
14) I promise to never hurt you intentionally and expect the same in return
I promise to never hurt you intentionally and expect the same in return. I promise that if we ever fight, it would be us versus the problem and not we against each other.
“The other day my grandma told me, “when you and he are fighting, you both need to remember that it’s you two vs. the problem, not you vs. him.” and that hit me hard.”
15) I promise to keep the communication open, kind, direct and loving and I expect the same
I promise to never engage in mind games or silent treatment. I promise to keep the communication open, kind, direct and loving and I expect the same.
16) I promise to share our experiences and grow together.
I promise to share our experiences and learn from each other and grow together.
17) I promise to honor your dreams and passions and allow you space to pursue all of them.
I promise to honor all your dreams and passions and encourage you to pursue them with all your heart.
18) And if someday we realize that the most loving choice in our relationship is to part ways and to grow in different directions, I promise to be okay with that.
And if someday, we realize that the most loving choice in our relationship is to part ways so that we can grow in different directions, I promise to be okay with that.
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