What I Learned While Growing A Moustache

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What I Learned While Growing A Moustache

For the month of November, I grew (am growing) a moustache.

I havenโ€™t had facial hair since the last time I grew a moustache, which was 3 years ago.

There’re all kinds of nuisances and annoyances of having a moustache. Those small, coarse hairs annihilate my upper lip like a band of ninjas, stabbing my face with their tiny sword-like points. And the itchingโ€ฆoh, how I loathe the itching. The itching is bad enough, but when I go to scratch I get attacked again from the tiny ninja squad. Oh, the woes of manhood.

But thereโ€™s something else thatโ€™s also a bit annoying. Growing this sweet โ€˜stache has revealed yet again, that:

People donโ€™t say what they actually think.

Having a moustache on oneโ€™s face can be quite provocative especially when thereโ€™s not one normally there. I often do double-takes when passing a mirror, almost frightened by the image. Is that a cop from the 80โ€™s or a criminal? A cop from the 80โ€™s, of course.

As some of you may know, November (or Movember, as itโ€™s called) is menโ€™s health awareness month. Itโ€™s an opportunity to bring awareness to things like prostate and testicular cancer. And what better way to bring awareness than growing a moustache!

But hereโ€™s the problem: I donโ€™t talk about prostate cancer or menโ€™s health issues unless someone brings up my moustache. Not because I donโ€™t want to, but because I often forget the moustache is even on my face!

But Iโ€™m not sure what Iโ€™ve been more bothered by: not bringing awareness to menโ€™s health issues or people ignoring I have a moustache.

Read 6 Kinds Of Compliments Men Would Love To Hear More Often

Hereโ€™s are three different responses from people this month:

1. PRETEND IT DOESNโ€™T EXIST.

This is by far the most popular stance.

โ€œOh, Hey Derek! I didnโ€™t see you there!โ€

Didnโ€™t see me? I look exactly the same. Iโ€™m just exercising my facial-hair-follicle-freedom. I have rights, you know!

Thereโ€™s always this brief pause before a friend or family member says hello or embraces me. Itโ€™s like theyโ€™re trying to figure out if what is on my upper lip is on purpose or not. I mean, if it werenโ€™t, Iโ€™m SURE theyโ€™d try to help me out.

โ€œHey man, youโ€™ve got a caterpillar crawling across your face or something kind of looks like a moustache.โ€

No duh.

2. PRETEND ITโ€™S THE COOLEST THING IN THE WORLD.

What I Learned While Growing A Moustache

โ€œNice work, Derek! Rockinโ€™ the moustache. I like it.โ€

Donโ€™t lie to me. Seriously. I donโ€™t even like it. If I donโ€™t like it, surely you donโ€™t like it. Itโ€™s kind of weird (at least at this stage. not-quite-full-grown-โ€˜stache stage). If you had a daughter, youโ€™d probably try to shield her for fear of me being a creeper.

I assure you, Iโ€™m not.

3. PRETEND YOUโ€™RE MY REAL FRIEND AND TELL ME THE TRUTH.

Only one person did this. While most avoided the obvious, and a few sprinkled on some moustache glory, one friend supported me with the truth.

He laughed out loud when he saw me.

Iโ€™m not talking about a giggle or snicker. No, no those are way too gentle of words.

He belly laughed for a good amount of time before he could even speak. And when he did speak, he said,

โ€œWhat is on your FACE?!โ€

Now thatโ€™s a true friend. Someone who will tell you like it is. Someone who isnโ€™t afraid to hurt your feelings, your pride, or your manhood.

Someone who tells you the truth even when youโ€™re trying to do something for a good cause.

Why donโ€™t people say what they really think or feel? Why do we avoid communicating what we actually want to say?

Read Getting a Professional Profile Picture: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

MY THEORY? LACK OF CONNECTION.

When youโ€™re truly connected to someone, youโ€™re vulnerable. But vulnerability poses a threat. When youโ€™re vulnerable, youโ€™re open to getting hurt. Youโ€™re intentionally leaving yourself open to possible harm.

But unless we become vulnerable, weโ€™ll never truly feel connected. And if weโ€™re not connected, weโ€™ll never actually say or do what we think.

I tell my wife everything. Absolutely everything. All my victories and shortcomings are shared with her. She knows the best of me and the worst of me. And vice versa.

If I intentionally kept things from her, I would damage the connection. And of all the people I need to stay vulnerable with, itโ€™s my spouse.

And the beautiful thing about vulnerability and connection is the freedom that results. You can only be free when youโ€™re willing to be vulnerable.

Yes, youโ€™ll probably get hurt sometimes. But youโ€™ll also experience the deepest, most meaningful relationships of your life.

So the next time you see someone growing a moustache or doing something different, donโ€™t avoid it or pretend to like it.


Written by DEREK HARVEY
Originally appeared in Derek Harvey

What I Learned While Growing A Moustache
What I Learned While Growing A Moustache

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