The 4 Elements Of Resilient Coping


elements of resilient coping

This blog reviews four elements associated with resilient coping.
When the world disrupts our plans and hopes and reveals to us how fragile and vulnerable we are, we can be terrified, humbled, saddened, humiliated, and traumatized.

First, my heart goes out to all who are suffering. Second, as a psychotherapist and a trainer of psychological doctors, here are some thoughts for fostering an adjustment that is as adaptive as possible to this wave of pain.

1. Understand The Situation You Are In And The Negative Emotions It Will Trigger.

We, humans, are behavioral investors, and we spend efforts with the desire to accomplish things. We work to develop competencies, relationships, and businesses in an effort to make a difference and matter to the world.

Of course, to succeed, we need to be embedded in a system that affords us that path. And when a wave of change crashes over that path and blocks many of the anticipated ways forward, it is only natural that we will react with some waves of negative emotions.

  • First, there will be anxiety and fear about what might be coming next. Anxiety is the sense, often ill-defined, that something threatening is about to happen; fear is when we are confronted with something we want to escape from.
  • Second, there will be the frustration of not being able to reach expected goals, which can often give rise to destructive, angry feelings.
  • Third, there will be the stress of trying to find new ways to solve problems and stressors stemming from disruptions of past comforts.
  • Fourth, there will be the sadness associated with the lost events that will never be realized—and perhaps even more dramatically, lost loved ones.    

Read How To Be A More Resilient Person?

2. Resilient Coping Is The Process Of Effectively Dealing With Injury, Suffering, And Setbacks.

Underneath our doorbell next to the entry to our home hangs a sign, “So it is not home sweet home…Adjust.” The intended message is a reminder that life is far from perfect, and that we should be prepared to be bumped around. As such, it is important to develop what I call “emotional callouses.”

This means that if you are faced with pain, disappointment, failure, and not getting what you deserve, you do not just complain and expect the world to conform. Instead, it means you develop emotional maturity. This involves developing skills the capacity to hold emotions in the sweet spot between awareness and attunement on the one hand, and adaptive regulation on the other.

Being resilient: Resilience Is Knowing That You Are The Only One
The 4 Elements Of Resilient Coping

This will enable one to develop the ability to accept the hand the world deals you and have the courage and competency to manage the pain and adjust to the best of your ability. It also means developing adaptive interpretations and not being rigid or extreme in one’s thinking style. And it means that when an emotional wave of an intense magnitude hits you, you realize where you are and accept that is the reality you are in, and you look for help and support as needed. This process is one of the main elements of resilient coping.

Read 13 Signs You Have Negative Energy and How To Get Rid Of It

3. Resilient Copers Need Love, Acceptance, And Compassion.

It is almost impossible to develop into a healthy, resilient coper without the love and support, and encouragement of others. We each have a deep-seated need to be known and valued by important others; this is what truly nourishes the soul. We need that mirroring and acceptance.

So, whereas point two somewhat emphasizes the need for emotional toughness (i.e., the capacity to accept and tolerate emotional pain, and still hold oneself accountable for growing and changing in a positive way), this point emphasizes the need for relational love and support from important others.

This point thus highlights what we need from others and what we can give to others during this difficult time.

Read 4 Strategies That Will Make Coping With Coronavirus Stress Easier

So, when you are having difficulty, share those painful feelings with someone who can mirror back to you acceptance, loving compassion, and the deep recognition of what you are going through. And it serves as a reminder to be there for someone else when they need you.   

4. Develop A Vision For Valued Outcomes In The Short And Long Term, And Work Toward Them The Best You Can.

I will often ask clients to reflect on the following: Given the who you are, the situation that you are in, and your core values, how do you want to be, and where do you want to be, in the short term and over a longer period? Sometimes the answer in the short term is obvious. Often, this is a complicated question that requires significant reflection. But investing the time in breaking it down and developing the answer is well worth the effort. It creates an “imaginal” representation that can serve as a template regarding what you want to be as you continue to learn and grow.

Read Top 3 Tips To Create A Meaningful Vision In Your Life

Ultimately, finding one’s path, especially in the face of much disruption, can be highly challenging. Thus, it requires systematic effort and reflection. Then it requires courage and commitment to attempt to realize it. 


For more detailed information on resilient coping, see the following:

A PT Magazine article on how many folks react negatively to negative feelings and how to reverse that cycle.  On turning your inner critic into a metacognitive observer that is curious, accepting, loving, motivated. A guided blog tour on learning to process negative emotions A guided blog tour on what to do if you are depressed

Written by: Gregg Henriques
Originally appeared on: Psychology Today
Republished with permission.
elements of resilient coping pin
The 4 Elements Of Resilient Coping

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

Struggling To Relax? Check These 7 Key ‘Stresslaxing Symptoms’ Now!

Warning 'Stresslaxing Symptoms' To Watch Out For!

In our fast-paced world, even taking time off can feel like another chore. When relaxing actually creates more stress, it becomes a problem. So how can we escape the clutches of stresslaxing symptoms?

It’s no secret that relaxing can be difficult, especially in the modern world. Many people struggle to unwind due to high stress levels, demanding jobs, constant connectivity through technology, and the pressure to always be productive.

Defined by the Urban Dictionary, “stresslaxation” is a paradoxical state when you are too stressed out to relax because not working is what’s stressing you out and it makes you even more stressed.

People feel guilty if they take time off,

Up Next

8 Signs A Man Is The Source Of His Own Misery: Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

Signs A Man Is The Source Of His Own Misery: Self-Sabotage

Ever wonder why he’s always gloomy and unhappy? These 8 signs reveal how he might be the source of his own misery, with self-sabotaging behaviors being an obstacle his own path to happiness.

Self-sabotage is often the biggest obstacle to happiness.

Self-sabotaging behaviors, negative mindsets, and the absence of emotional intelligence can unknowingly pave the path to a cycle of unhappiness. While external circumstances influence our success and well-being, the biggest obstacles to happiness are often found within.

Up Next

15+ Dress for Success Quotes to Boost Your Confidence and Inspire Your Life

Dress For Success Quotes To Inspire Confidence In Life

What we wear isn’t just about fashion—it’s a reflection of our mindset and ambition. Take a look at some of the “dress for success quotes” to influence confidence and, ultimately, success!

As fashion icon Edith Head once said, “You can have anything you want in life if you dress for it.” We also believe that there is a powerful link between self-presentation and professional outcomes.

So, whether you put on a well-tailored suit showing authority or groom yourself that exudes creativity, fashion communicates a message to the world about who you are and what you

Up Next

8 Tips To Step Into Your Power And Thrive

Tips To Step Into Your Power And Thrive

Did you know that negativity can significantly hold you back in your life and prevent you from reaching your goals? However, it isn’t always easy to step into your power and transform your life.

Without doing so, though, you can’t expect to ever achieve your potential. Let’s take a look at some of the key transformation tips that you can leverage.

8 Tips To Help You Step Into Your Power

1. Learn to Let Go

Holding onto the past is one of the most common things that people do that prevents them from moving forward in their lives. If you want to transform your life, it is essential that you le

Up Next

How To Talk To Anyone With Confidence? 14 Psychological Hacks For Any Situation

How To Talk To Anyone With Confidence? Fun Tricks

Do you ever wonder how to talk to anyone with confidence? Small talk may be intimidating at times but it is an ability that everyone can learn – the art of conversation!

Be it a party, a romantic date, or an office environment; one can use certain psychological tips that will help with the process and make it even more fun.

So, if you have trouble finding the right things to say, or are always in the corner of a gathering, here is how to talk to people and participate actively in different social settings with confidence.

Up Next

Why It’s So Hard to Admit You’re Wrong: 7 Surprising Psychological Barriers You Didn’t Know About

Why Is It So Hard To Admit To Being Wrong? Psychological Reasons You Need To Know

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a heated debate, feeling that gnawing sensation that you might be wrong, but don’t want to admit it? Or maybe you are watching someone double down on their stance, even when all evidence points to the contrary, and wondering, “Why can’t they just say they’re wrong?” It’s a common scenario that plays out in classrooms, workplaces, and even family dinners, leaving many of us puzzled about why it is so hard to admit to being wrong.

Admitting we’re wrong isn’t just about swallowing our pride. For some people, admitting an error feels like a failure on a personal level, thus threatening their self-esteem and identity. Others worry about being judged and what consequences may follow. It’s not stubbornness alone, but this innate fear of exposure and vulnerability that makes it hard to

Up Next

10 Fun Activities To Spark Creativity In Kids

How To Improve Creativity In Kids? Fun Activities

Nothing makes a child happier than the opportunity to speak their minds. This is why parents and teachers need to know how to improve creativity in kids since it is one of the most essential skills they should have.

This will enable them to develop an inquisitive mind and pave their own way of learning by learning and exploring.

So below are some creative activities for kids to do and how we can support them in enhancing this superpower!

Why Is Creativity So Important?

Creativity is not just about painting a masterpiece or writing a novel; it’s about thinking outside the box, finding new solutions to problems, and expressing oneself uniquely.