Why Being Good Enough Is Better Than Being A Perfectionist

Written By:

Written By:

Being Good Enough Better Being Perfectionist 1

Are you happy being good enough or striving to be a perfectionist?




Perfect is a moving target, that’s if it’s even a thing. We are so quick and nonchalant in peppering our everyday conversations with the word “perfect”. That was a perfect meal. My son is a perfect student. I want a perfect relationship.  Most of us were raised to be a perfectionist and were educated in schools that publicly rewarded the students who achieved the highest grades.

All this would be fine if we also taught our kids the dictionary meaning of perfection, and then let them decide if they want to pursue that path for the rest of their lives.  Look it up for yourself, and you’ll be amazed by how extreme and results-focused the definitions are. Some definitions that stood out for me are, as good as it is possible to be, faultless, flawless, and without equal.



Thankfully, some wise person also added, “too good to be true”, but that one is easily lost amongst all the other shiny words like: unrivaled, unequaled and matchless.  So,

What’s the problem with perfection and being a perfectionist? 

According to Brene Brown, arguably the foremost expert on studies of perfectionism, “Perfectionism hampers success.  In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction and life-paralysis”, – strong words that she backs up with a great deal of data-driven evidence.

One of the biggest problems with perfectionism, is many of us believe it’s the primary reason we have achieved any level of success.  In truth, real success in any area of our lives is built on a foundation of time, attention, and of course, deliberate practice.  There are no hacks.  We can not strongarm, or guilt and shame our way to long term, sustainable success.  




Read How to Stop Perfectionism From Controlling Your Life

Perfectionism is a never ending, exhausting hustle to prove our worthiness, and most of us can’t keep it up past mid-life.  One of the biggest drivers of the infamous mid-life crisis, is our lack of ability and desire to stay on this hamster wheel.

In my own life, I’ve experienced the high cost of this habit and did not even question its validity until it literally drove me to my knees.  There was a time that I believed if I couldn’t do something perfectly, then I shouldn’t do it at all.  That’s easy when we have only one or two things we need to manage, like school and a boyfriend, or work and a sport.  But what happens when you finally build the life that you’ve been dreaming of? 

The one that is rich and complex with all the things and the people.  What happens when life throws curveballs – as it inevitably does – like divorce, single parenting, horrible bosses, and economic turndowns?  That’s when our friend, perfectionism, shows us the other side of itself – a side that is nothing short of brutal. 

In my early forties, I was navigating full-time single parenting, a full-time corporate job, a network of social as well as intimate relationships, running, and most importantly, never letting anyone see me sweat!  In other words, not only was it imperative that I do everything perfectly, but also that I make it appear effortless. 

Read How Self-Compassion Can Fight Perfectionism




As Brown says in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, “Healthy striving is self-focused: How can I improve?  Perfectionism is other-focused: What will they think?”  Needless to say, it wasn’t long before I hit the ground – hard.

My first window into the possibility that there might be another option available, was presented to me when strolling the isles at Borders (when bookstores still existed) and seeing a book titled, “A Good Enough Parent”.  What’s that, I thought?  Is it even possible to be a good enough parent, and if so, why would anyone want to aspire to that?  I almost felt ashamed for that parent, even though I couldn’t even imagine her. 

The thought of others seeing me as good enough, as opposed to perfect, in any area of my life, simply seemed unacceptable.

But as often happens, my curiosity won the day and I bought the book.  I was now open to considering that there is a whole different mindset from which I can potentially build a life, that included all the things I love, but without the high cost, I was paying in stress, anxiety, and ultimately physical illness. 

Practice being good enough

Slowly, I began the practice of being good enough in all areas of my life, not just parenting. Much to my surprise, my kids didn’t turn into criminals, my boss still appreciated my work, my parents still loved me, my significant other didn’t even notice the change (a good thing), and life began to feel lighter, more joyful, and relaxed. 

The dreadful constant feeling that at any moment, one or more of the balls I was keeping up in the air was going to drop with terrible consequences, lessened considerably.  In time and through practice, I found that I was able to be far more present in my everyday life; a critical shift that had me experiencing a richer and more connected life.

Read 10 Signs You’re A Perfectionist and How To Overcome




It’s not easy to shift our mindset and our actions to good enough-ism.

It goes against every value most of us are raised with.  When I introduce this concept to my clients, they tend to dismiss it quickly and without much thought.  They think I’m encouraging them to be mediocre at work, at home, and in their relationships. 

Nothing could be further from the truth.  I am in the business of helping people optimize their personal and professional lives, and as such, it’s imperative that my clients and I, get to the heart of the beliefs (always limiting, and often false) that are getting in the way of achieving their goals. 

No one has the goal of being mediocre, but almost everyone has the goal of feeling good, while on the path to achieving their goals. 

Perfectionism gets in the way of that, and in my opinion, embracing the practice of being good enough is enormously helpful.

Good enough or not good enough for you?




If you’re interested in exploring this concept in your own life, please email me and I will share my list of practices to help you make the shift away from perfectionism, and orient yourself towards a more productive mindset. I know this to be true, that people change best by feeling good, not feeling bad.


Written by: Carolyn Mahboubi
Originally appeared on: Carolynmahboubi.com

Republished with permission
Being Good Enough Better Being Perfectionist pin


— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Mindfulness And The Spirit of Buddhist Meditation

Mindfulness And The Spirit of Buddhist Meditation

Ever felt overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions? What if you could train your mind to stay present, calm, and balanced? Learn more about Buddhist meditation below!

How mindfulness can help cultivate self-awareness and emotional regulation.

In recent years, mindfulness meditation, rooted in Buddhist traditions, has gained widespread interest in psychology and beyond. Amid a performance-driven culture, where achievement often outweighs presence, mindfulness offers a collective yearning for balance.

Up Next

The Psychology of Emotional Shopping

Psychology of Emotional Shopping: Important Ways To Tackle

You often buy things to lift your mood, but have you ever wondered why? Emotional shopping is more psychological than practical. So let’s learn more about it!

How to tackle a tendency toward emotional shopping.

In a globalized market, we are daily faced with a great variety of products and services that are meticulously planned and proficiently marketed to us, having an emotional influence on our brain centres and activating a desire to acquire them.

All of us want to experience the thrill of intense positive emotions that will raise the generation of our happy hormones which will eventually ensure the experience of such positive emotions as excitement, happiness, joy, glee, delight, hilarity, or amusement.

Up Next

Mel Robbins’ Viral ‘Let Them Theory’: Can It Really Transform Your Life?

Mel Robbins’ Viral ‘Let Them Theory’: Can It Really Transform Your Life?

The Let Them theory psychology is a simple yet powerful self help mantra made popular by Mel Robbins; a reminder that you can’t control other people’s actions, only your own reactions.

Is there anything more frustrating than other people? You try to control situations, influence decisions, and shape outcomes, but people keep doing whatever they want. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

You find yourself overanalyzing why someone didn’t text back, why a coworker got a promotion instead of you, or why your friend refuses to leave that toxic relationship. You waste time, energy, and peace of mind obsessing over things that, frankly, aren’t yours to control.

Instead of over analyzing, stressing, or trying to change things beyond your control, you simply let it be.

Up Next

5 Ways To Find Peace When You Are Taking The High Road

Taking The High Road? Ways To Let Go And Find Peace

Taking the high road can feel like a challenge, especially when things get messy. But letting go of attachments can help you a lot in doing that. It’s also one of the best ways to maintain your peace and stay true to who you are.

KEY POINTS

Taking the high road means behaving in line with our moral and ethical values even when others don’t.

Fear of being misunderstood, judged, or rejected by our peers can make it challenging to take the high road.

We can find a sense of peace if we recognize that our suffering on the high road stems from attachment.

Releasin

Up Next

Boomerasking: The Silent Conversation Killer You Didn’t Know You Had

What Is Boomerasking? Signs You're Guilty Of This Bad Habit

We need to talk. And no, not about you, though that’s kind of the point. If you’ve ever asked someone a question only to immediately shift the conversation back to yourself, you might be guilty of boomerasking.

What Is Boomerasking?

It is a conversational tactic identified by Harvard Business School’s professor Alison Wood Brooks, wherein a question that seems to show interest serves as a guise for the speaker to center the conversation about themself.

Up Next

Power Colors For Zodiac Signs: Learn To Supercharge Your Life!

Power Colors For Zodiac Signs Interesting Hues

Ever felt drawn to a certain color without knowing why? Or maybe you’ve noticed how certain colors boost your mood and energy. Below are 12 power colors for zodiac signs. Find a hue that aligns with your strengths and helps supercharge your life. 

Wearing the zodiac sign power colors can help you feel more centered, confident, and in sync with your true self. 

So, do you want to learn more about the colors that can enhance your energy and success? Let’s explore the power colors for zodiac signs!

Up Next

10 Subtle Signs You’re Secretly Becoming Your Best Self

Signs You’re Becoming Your Best Self

We always hear about green flags in relationships, but what about green flags in yourself? The truth is, you’ve probably grown more than you realize. It’s easy to focus on what still needs work, but if you’ve been showing up for yourself—whether in your mindset, habits, relationships, or career—you’re already on the right track.

Becoming your best self isn’t about waking up one day with everything figured out. It’s about the small shifts, the quiet wins, and the moments where you choose growth over comfort. So if you’ve been wondering whether you’re heading in the right direction, take this as a sign: You’re doing better than you think.

Ahead, we’re diving into the green flags that prove you’re stepping into your happiest, most authentic self—because real growth is happening, even if you don’t see it yet.