For the month of November, I grew (am growing) a moustache.
I havenโt had facial hair since the last time I grew a moustache, which was 3 years ago.
Thereโre all kinds of nuisances and annoyances of having a moustache. Those small, coarse hairs annihilate my upper lip like a band of ninjas, stabbing my face with their tiny sword-like points. And the itchingโฆoh, how I loathe the itching. The itching is bad enough, but when I go to scratch I get attacked again from the tiny ninja squad. Oh, the woes of manhood.
But thereโs something else thatโs also a bit annoying. Growing this sweet โstache has revealed yet again, that:
People donโt say what theyย actuallyย think.
Having a moustache on oneโs face can be quite provocative especially when thereโs not one normally there. I often do double-takes when passing a mirror, almost frightened by the image. Is that a cop from the 80โs or a criminal? A cop from the 80โs, of course.
As some of you may know, November (orย Movember, as itโs called) is menโs health awareness month. Itโs an opportunity to bring awareness to things like prostate and testicular cancer. And what better way to bring awareness than growing a moustache!
But hereโs the problem: I donโt talk about prostate cancer or menโs health issues unless someone brings up my moustache. Not because I donโt want to, but because I often forget the moustache is even on my face!
But Iโm not sure what Iโve been more bothered by: not bringing awareness to menโs health issues orย people ignoring I have a moustache.
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Hereโs are three different responses from people this month:
1. PRETEND IT DOESNโT EXIST.
This is by far the most popular stance.
โOh, Hey Derek! I didnโt see you there!โ
Didnโt see me? I look exactly the same. Iโm just exercising my facial-hair-follicle-freedom. I have rights, you know!
Thereโs always this brief pause before a friend or family member says hello or embraces me. Itโs like theyโre trying to figure out if what is on my upper lip is on purpose or not. I mean, if it werenโt, Iโm SURE theyโd try to help me out.
โHey man, youโve got a caterpillar crawling across your face or something kind of looks like a moustache.โ
No duh.
2. PRETEND ITโS THE COOLEST THING IN THE WORLD.
โNice work, Derek! Rockinโ the moustache. I like it.โ
Donโt lie to me. Seriously. I donโt even like it. If I donโt like it, surely you donโt like it. Itโs kind of weird (at least at this stage. not-quite-full-grown-โstache stage). If you had a daughter, youโd probably try to shield her for fear of me being a creeper.
I assure you, Iโm not.
3. PRETEND YOUโRE MY REAL FRIEND AND TELL ME THE TRUTH.
Only one person did this. While most avoided the obvious, and a few sprinkled on some moustache glory, one friend supported me with the truth.
He laughed out loud when he saw me.
Iโm not talking about a giggle or snicker. No, no those are way too gentle of words.
He belly laughed for a good amount of time before he could even speak. And when he did speak, he said,
โWhat is on your FACE?!โ
Now thatโs a true friend. Someone who will tell you like it is. Someone who isnโt afraid to hurt your feelings, your pride, or your manhood.
Someone who tells you the truth even when youโre trying to do something for a good cause.
Why donโt people say what they really think or feel? Why do we avoid communicating what we actually want to say?
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MY THEORY?ย LACK OF CONNECTION.
When youโre truly connected to someone, youโre vulnerable. But vulnerability poses a threat. When youโre vulnerable, youโre open to getting hurt. Youโre intentionally leaving yourself open to possible harm.
But unless we become vulnerable, weโll never truly feelย connected. And if weโre not connected, weโll never actually say or do what we think.
I tell my wife everything. Absolutely everything. All my victories and shortcomings are shared with her. She knows the best of me and the worst of me. And vice versa.
If I intentionally kept things from her, I wouldย damage the connection. And of all the people I need to stay vulnerable with, itโs my spouse.
And the beautiful thing about vulnerability and connection is the freedom that results. You can only beย freeย when youโre willing to beย vulnerable.
Yes, youโll probably get hurt sometimes. But youโll also experience the deepest, most meaningful relationships of your life.
So the next time you see someone growing a moustache or doing something different, donโt avoid it or pretend to like it.
Written by DEREK HARVEY
Originally appeared in Derek Harvey
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